Venting failed an attempt yet no one knows

[loslassen]

how has that affected you mentally? what's your experience? I'll start.

I tried carotid artery blood flow cut, an alternate method I "invented" similar to partial hanging, except the pressure points are your carotid arteries so you don't suffocate. I tried it with my bare hands and cable cord, indecisive and while having a breakdown, June last year. Least to say it wasn't a well engineered attempt so obviously it failed, but I did feel really close to passing out completely, note that I've never passed out before in my life. To me at least, I'd consider it a failed attempt, but what really gets to me is the fact no one knew/stopped me/and I could've easily gotten it to work without anybody saving me since I had maaaany hours of loneliness without people checking in on me, even though I live with 2 family members. I cried a lot that night, and I've been trying to recover, until recently I gave in and made a second account for SS since I had logged out of my first one and lost access. I come to vent here a little less often, and my habits aren't too terrible anymore, but I still feel an incredible amount of pain/despair and disconnection buried under numbness, specially because my life hasn't changed much, just my approach and routine, also I'm leaning right on the verge of alcoholism. I'm kinda relapsing, but I don't give it much thought.

 

[Pg.964]

I had a breakdown where I downed the entire bottle of my benzos and drank alcohol then tried to slit my throat?? Don't know if I'd call it an attempt cause dying wasn't entirely my intention I was just in a lot of pain. I can say that my mental state has not been the same, I'm more distant and cold, it was a dumb and traumatizing experience. I'm really sorry that your struggles have lead you to want to ctb, I wish you the best, I hope your pain will be relieved

 

[lifewasawillow]

Today. Literally tried for 3. Damn. Hours. Straight. To do partial hanging. I'm convinced the method is a hoax. Just the other night I pressed the carotids with my bare hands and passed out pretty much but of course when I make an actual attempt with actual stuff it doesn't work. Not to mention the fact I have pretty much told one of my family members I attempted and they just brushed it off as per usual. I don't know why I bother I honestly don't.
It sucks that your attempt failed the way it did, I hope that you eventually find a method that works for you and escape.

 

[loslassen]

I had a breakdown where I downed the entire bottle of my benzos and drank alcohol then tried to slit my throat?? Don't know if I'd call it an attempt cause dying wasn't entirely my intention I was just in a lot of pain. I can say that my mental state has not been the same, I'm more distant and cold, it was a dumb and traumatizing experience. I'm really sorry that your struggles have lead you to want to ctb, I wish you the best, I hope your pain will be relieved

thank you I appreciate it, same goes to you, I'm sorry, it sucks to feel so numb after something so big and shocking, I don't know how to escape it, crying doesn't really help since I can't really cry anymore either

 

[Some place nice]

I'm sorry your attempt failed. I've also tried partial but to no avail sadly. I don't know how people are able to do it, I've never passed out the many times I've tried. I hope you will find peace someday.