Help Facing the possibility of prison. Need to CTB.

[doublecupj]

Without going into detail, there's a real possibility of me going to prison for a long time in one of the worst states in the US. I don't think I can survive that and even if I did, I don't think my life would be worthwhile from that point forward.

What stops me is not wanting to hurt my girlfriend, my mother, my father, and my grandfather.

Especially my girlfriend. She is the sweetest person ever, she's a wonderful mom to her 2 kids and she doesn't deserve to hurt. But I worry that if I am locked up, she's going to have to move on anyway and that will be just as painful.

I have a note/text written for her and some of my closest family. My method is a 12 guage shotgun with .00 buckshot. I plan on shooting myself through the mouth. I am wondering what death is like, and part of that is also scary.

I probably need to do this either today or tomorrow. I just want my sweet girlfriend to know I love her forever and I want her to be ok.

 

[Zeir Anpin 729]

12 guage shotgun with .00 buckshot

I don't recognize any of those words. I only know smaller weapons that are used in war and self defense. Like currently I am thinking that I myself want to use hollow point rounds and probably a .48. But I have turned to researching drugs and drug combinations instead. Turns out that chemistry is really complicated and most scientists don't even know how any of these patented molecules even work at all. So I'm getting nowhere. Hopefully your method works and there is no pain involved.


PS: The worst state in the US is definitely New York. Lots of rapists and useless gang members that failed at integrating into society because they have no soul. They are the ones that make it terrible.

 

[Vlad Tepes]

I envy Americans with their access to boomsticks.

 

[darksouls]

Without going into detail, there's a real possibility of me going to prison for a long time in one of the worst states in the US. I don't think I can survive that and even if I did, I don't think my life would be worthwhile from that point forward.

What stops me is not wanting to hurt my girlfriend, my mother, my father, and my grandfather.

Especially my girlfriend. She is the sweetest person ever, she's a wonderful mom to her 2 kids and she doesn't deserve to hurt. But I worry that if I am locked up, she's going to have to move on anyway and that will be just as painful.

I have a note/text written for her and some of my closest family. My method is a 12 guage shotgun with .00 buckshot. I plan on shooting myself through the mouth. I am wondering what death is like, and part of that is also scary.

I probably need to do this either today or tomorrow. I just want my sweet girlfriend to know I love her forever and I want her to be ok.

I am so sorry for your situation, I wish you the best

 

[doublecupj]

I'm expecting to be arrested. Its a family member pressing charges. Depending on what happens there's the possibility of 2-20 years but I am a first time offender so possibly no prison time?

 

[r.m.216]

I'm expecting to be arrested. Its a family member pressing charges. Depending on what happens there's the possibility of 2-20 years but I am a first time offender so possibly no prison time?

Depends on the charge

 

[Worndown]

You should check with an attorney to guage the impact.
Is a conviction likely?
If convicted, is prison likely?
Probable sentence time?

Everything has variables.
Know what they are.

 

[shiba]

Like someone here said, there's a lot of variables. There's absolutely nothing worse for a suicidal person than to be locked up for years without the means of CTB.

If you would have any warning beforehand about whether you're going to arrested and prosecuted, then you could wait and CTB upon finding out. However, if you think there's a risk of being suddenly arrested and held without a means of dying on your own terms then dying now could prevent that from happening.

Also, if you're arrested, you could be let out on bail. That'd give you the chance to CTB however you like. If they choose not to release you on bail or you can't get the bail paid, then in the worst case scenario you could be held until sentencing, which would give you no chance of CTB.

Since you mentioned you do expect to be arrested and there are charges being pressed I recommend speaking to a lawyer if you haven't already. Even if you decide to CTB, a lawyer could help you understand what's happening so you can make an informed decision.

 

[dontwakemeup]

Some crimes are so severe that being a 1st time Offender doesn't matter. I'm not trying to scare you but just being honest. Are you sure they will report you? Is there anything you can do to prevent them or strongly encourage them to not report you? Is remediation outside of court an option?

I guess we all live in a prison of our minds and some physically. I have never been to prison but from videos on YouTube they seem to be having more fun than all of us. I'm sure nobody here will disagree with that statement.

I know this is a serious time, I can't imagine the stress and fear of tbe unknown. I hope this situation is over quickly with an outcome that doesn't make you suicidal, but I understand.