It's understandable why you hate life. You're not the only person who hates this whole world. There's not enough spotlight on just how cruel life is. It's unbelievably cruel. No matter how or where life begins, given enough time, pain and suffering are a guaranteed fruit of life's harvest. I get why you want to harm yourself. You want to escape the pain. Wouldn't it be nice if there's a turn-off button for this distressing experience? I wish I could help you, I can only say that plenty of others including me also say "fuck life."