Discussion Extensive Fear

[RoyBlight]

To summarize, I've been depressed for 10 years, been to countless doctors, tried countless treatments to no avail. Can't go to school, can't go to work, can't socialize. I simply rot away in my room, dependent on my mother's income. So you know... immeasurable pain and suffering.

But not really what I want to talk about... you see of course after all this, I'm quite convinced life has nothing to offer me so I just want to cease.
But... ooh man... I'm scared. And it's not even scared to harm myself... I'm scared of the topic in general... and just found out that I'm this scared.
When I found myself actually scrolling through this website... feeling I was actually getting closer, making progress towards... you know what... I started shaking out of fear, felt cold... was pale as a goddamn ghost... I've never been this scared my life... in fact I'm not scared of anything but this. I actually have no other phobias.

So uhh... considering this... I probably will never be able to really do anything to myself, right? No point in staying in this website...
I'm curious if this can be overcome, if this happens to everyone when they first start actually thinking about it... or if this just shows that I'm incapable.
Anyone with knowledge? Thanks in advance for the responses.

 

[outrider567]

To summarize, I've been depressed for 10 years, been to countless doctors, tried countless treatments to no avail. Can't go to school, can't go to work, can't socialize. I simply rot away in my room, dependent on my mother's income. So you know... immeasurable pain and suffering.

But not really what I want to talk about... you see of course after all this, I'm quite convinced life has nothing to offer me so I just want to cease.
But... ooh man... I'm scared. And it's not even scared to harm myself... I'm scared of the topic in general... and just found out that I'm this scared.
When I found myself actually scrolling through this website... feeling I was actually getting closer, making progress towards... you know what... I started shaking out of fear, felt cold... was pale as a goddamn ghost... I've never been this scared my life... in fact I'm not scared of anything but this. I actually have no other phobias.

So uhh... considering this... I probably will never be able to really do anything to myself, right? No point in staying in this website...
I'm curious if this can be overcome, if this happens to everyone when they first start actually thinking about it... or if this just shows that I'm incapable.
Anyone with knowledge? Thanks in advance for the responses.

I can't relate--Within days of my girlfriend's death, Suicide popped into my mind and has never left it--The idea of being scared, in fear, to kill myself, never crossed my mind--All I could think of was that to CTB would bring me relief from my sorrow and my depression

 

[RoyBlight]

I can't relate--Within days of my girlfriend's death, Suicide popped into my mind and has never left it--The idea of being scared, in fear, to kill myself, never crossed my mind--All I could think of was that to CTB would bring me relief from my sorrow and my depression

I see it as the only option to reach peace as well... and the idea also never leaves, always been there all these years. There's not a second in life where I don't think about it, where I don't feel the pain of being alive.
But I guess our subconscious' differ... I cannot believe even with all this, I'm still scared of dying.
How do people do it, I don't understand... because I am very well sure I've been through well enough...

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that it's understandable to have fears of dying and to fear going through with suicide methods because after all as humans we are all programmed to survive, it's difficult to overcome the irrational survival instinct even if one is fully aware of the fact that suicide is a perfectly logical decision. It truly is a curse how suicide isn't straightforward in this world, as I see suicide as being the only way to find relief from suffering, peace could never exist in such a hellish world, and I find it horrible how we are denied the option to just easily pass away without risks and complications.