Venting Existence.

[Lifeless mindset]

it seems as if all the good things in life aren't genuine. It seems as if the feeling of joy, excitement, thrill, love, hope, are all just one big distraction. A distraction from the fact that none of us truly know what we're doing here. A distraction from the fact that we all are going to die and there's nothing any of us can do about it. I feel so exhausted. I no longer cry. I no longer look for ways out of the way I feel. I no longer try to please the people around me. Im no longer here for myself. I no longer research methods as I've looked into any and every method you could possibly think of. It's useless. It got to the point where I wasn't just looking for a way to kill myself, but I was just simply interested in suicide. I came up with the best 2 methods and I stand by these 2 methods as being the best options for suicide, at least for me. All I need is to find the strength to get a job and save up enough money until I have enough to go through with my plan. I've had SN for quite some time now but I just have a gut feeling that it won't work. As odd as it may seem, I am not desperate to die but I am most definitely looking forward to it. Good luck to you all. I hope you all find the peace that you deserve.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's certainly true that anything that is seen as being positive by someone in this life only exists to lead to more torment once it's finally taken away. Suffering is simply the reality of this existence and as long as one stays here there is no real relief from it. Permanently leaving this world is all that I look forward to as well, I want nothing to do with existence in any way and I hate how it can be very difficult for us to finally free ourselves from this hellish world.
But anyway, I wish you the best of luck as well.