Venting exhausted

[serah]

living is so fucking exhausting. i dont know how long i can keep doing this. im barely hanging on. im unsuccessful in most aspects of my life, finding love, jobs, keeping friends, interacting with others, in my hobbies. if it was possible to sleep all day i think i would. i force myself to play games and try to hang out with friends but its still exhausting. my family sees me as weak for dealing with depression, it's true ive dealt with it for over 10 years. been taking medication and going to therapy for a while yet i still haven't improved. im rotting in everyway possible. part of me is too cowardly to kill myself so i just sit in my room and rot away sleeping and on my computer scrolling the same four sites. im aware comparing myself to others will always result in pain but when i feel so inferior to every single person i feel like i almost have to. i try to improve, i tell myself ill magically wake up and leave this super motivating productive life yet i never do. ive begun taking drugs just to feel some sort of excitement in my life. its pathetic. whenever i even try to open up to others about my issues i feel as though i am just being judged. it so fucking tiring having to admit the only part of my days i even enjoy for a second are when i get an unprompted text message from another person, because then for a second i feel as though someone cares.

 

[FuneralCry]

That really does sound so tiring what you have to go through and it's certainly understandable just wishing to sleep, to me sleeping is the best way to pass the time. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Huntfish34]

That's been my same song and dance for years and years sadly... Life on life's fckn terms, comparing, Relationships, resentments...... I've tried and also keep failing day in and out, like a damn cd on repeat. It's sickening.

Rest assured that you are not alone, thanks for sharing this with us. Thoughts and prayers always. -