Exhausted

[Roseate]

I am trying so hard not to give up but it hurts. And it hurts more doing it alone. Part of me just want to run away, leave it all behind because I'm so exhausted. I am trying but I'm so fucking tired and everything hurts. My body, my fucking brain and my heart. I thought it would be easier by now, that I'd be fine cuz that's what everyone said but they lied. Idk I don't want to fall into my bad habits again but I just want to sleep forever. I want to pop some pills and never wake up again. It would be less painful, just a bit less if I wasn't alone. I deal with my pain in silence. My sorrow in silence. My anger in silence until I can't take it but if you ask my parents, they don't know any of it. If I died rn, tonight in my sleep they wouldn't find out for a whole day or two even tho I live with them and that is me being hopeful. I just don't know anymore. I'm running out of words, out of energy to keep trying. I'm reaching my breaking point.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really does sound tiring what you have to endure and it must be really painful being trapped in that situation. Life certainly is so unnecessarily cruel and of course there is no peace from suffering in this world, but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Roseate]

It really does sound tiring what you have to endure and it must be really painful being trapped in that situation. Life certainly is so unnecessarily cruel and of course there is no peace from suffering in this world, but anyway I wish you the best.

There is peace. It's death. Have you ever felt not necessarily numb but empty almost? Like you feel sadness but lightly and nothing else. everything just feels so final. Like I can almost feel the end. I mean, my friend stopped talking to me and I didn't feel anything. No sadness. I cry my eyes out and I'm sad but nothing else. And normally I mask my depression with anger. Either that or I'm healing maybe. I'm allowing myself to feel my feeling instead of avoiding them even if that means crying for hours.