Discussion Excited about CTB?

[Apostle]

I'm not sure if excitement is the most accurate word but, for a small part of me, there's a certain thrill in it.

I look forward to putting a stop to everything in my life and getting out of this world. And there's a particular buzz I get out of the secrecy involved in planning and carrying out such a controversial and dangerous act. Childish as it may be, the feeling of rejecting the rules of the world around me, and "getting away" with one of the biggest social taboos out there, does stimulate me in a morbidly satisfying way. Maybe it is a minor form of excitement.

 

[Mbound]

Once I began very seriously considering it in the nearish future rather than viewing it as some far-off hypothetical I felt a huge weight off my shoulders. I felt so trapped before, like I was backed into a corner and I was refusing to acknowledge the door right behind me.

I'm excited for even the seemingly small, annoying shit to be over--like never having to stand in a long line at the grocery store, or wake up to an alarm, or get a cold, or go to a doctor's appointment, or stub my toe, or shave my legs...even the smallest burdens add up when your body and brain are compromised like mine are (and no doubt most of the users on this site's are)

 

[Realityisawful]

I actually am. I am embracing death as the next chapter.

 

[JadedGray]

Once I began very seriously considering it in the nearish future rather than viewing it as some far-off hypothetical I felt a huge weight off my shoulders. I felt so trapped before, like I was backed into a corner and I was refusing to acknowledge the door right behind me.

I'm excited for even the seemingly small, annoying shit to be over--like never having to stand in a long line at the grocery store, or wake up to an alarm, or get a cold, or go to a doctor's appointment, or stub my toe, or shave my legs...even the smallest burdens add up when your body and brain are compromised like mine are (and no doubt most of the users on this site's are)

I agree with this. I'm tired of life and having to do anything to extend my life and taking care of this body. At this point I feel like a walking corpse and don't have the energy for even the most mundane tasks.

 

[RainAndSadness]

Yes.

I associate death with freedom. It's the absence of everything. All the pain, all the struggles, all the memories - all of this will be gone. And that's a very peaceful notion for me because every aspect of my life is a pure nightmare. I'm looking forward to this. Of course, I don't want to die but if death is the only way to escape this rotten existence then I'm gonna fully embrace it and I'm not gonna look back.

I'm only alive anyway because I worry about some people and I'm probably gonna cause pain when I go. That's not my desire, I wish I could just disappear and not cause any pain to anyone. But I'm also annoyed because these same people keep me down. They prevent me from being free. They're like an anchor that is tied to my foot, keeping me down in the water and forcing me to drown every single day. I think that's a very accurate comparison. But I just want to fly away and escape all of this. I desire nothingness.