swanchild
the little mermaid
- Jul 28, 2024
- 11
Tried to drown myself last night it's actually way harder than it seems. I secured a heavy backpack with ropes to my chest but as I waded further into the lake I'd stumble and my survival instinct would kick in and I'd get back out. I tried twice. I don't know what it takes I am traumatized by the mental health system my life is unliveable I don't want to go through a hospital again. I'm trying to dream up any other way to end things but everything besides drowning seems so scary and I'm too scared to even do that. And that dream I had where God was talking to me was ringing through my head I was so scared even though I took a significant amount of benzos.
I don't know what to do, I haven't done basic things like send in my income assistance report so I can get paid, my friend and I were viewing an apartment and between my suicide attempts I haven't gotten back to them and the landlord is my friend and I don't know what to tell them (should I just be honest? What if they call emergency services?) And I just feel so overwhelmed and so unloved and I'm really really struggling.
I just don't know where to turn and regardless all my friendships and family relationships are shattered. Like I really don't want to be here anymore.
And that's not the first time I've tried that I tried 3 times this week, once before, and one other time in the ocean. I've tried hanging myself twice but it's scary and I don't want anyone to find me like that. I don't have anything I could fatally overdose on, I've thought about other ways but I'm just tired of falling asleep to nightmares and waking up to real life ones.
I also saw a shooting star on my way back from my attempt so who knows what that means.
I don't know what to do, I haven't done basic things like send in my income assistance report so I can get paid, my friend and I were viewing an apartment and between my suicide attempts I haven't gotten back to them and the landlord is my friend and I don't know what to tell them (should I just be honest? What if they call emergency services?) And I just feel so overwhelmed and so unloved and I'm really really struggling.
I just don't know where to turn and regardless all my friendships and family relationships are shattered. Like I really don't want to be here anymore.
And that's not the first time I've tried that I tried 3 times this week, once before, and one other time in the ocean. I've tried hanging myself twice but it's scary and I don't want anyone to find me like that. I don't have anything I could fatally overdose on, I've thought about other ways but I'm just tired of falling asleep to nightmares and waking up to real life ones.
I also saw a shooting star on my way back from my attempt so who knows what that means.
