i used to see this guy who actively wants me dead. for the things that happened, and what goes on in my head and never, ever, stops; there can be no other explanation.
this person stole money, my work uniforms, and other things from me. they called me spineless for letting this happen. they planted people into my life to triangulate their scheme and create the illusion that i had people to turn to, when in reality they were all on the same side working against me.
this person created a situation where i let them closer to me than i had ever let anyone, this is someone i was tricked into having feelings for so they could cut me as deep as they possibly could.
i thought i loved this person. i moved to a new city to be with them. i gave him a key to my apartment. i have audio recordings of someone walking around my apartment while i was with him at his house. he gave my apartment key to someone i dont know and they came into my apartment.
this person transmitted HIV to me and then completely abandoned me a year ago. I never would have known I had it if I hadn't been taken to the hospital for mental health reasons and kept for 9 days, where they did blood tests.
he wore a cross on a chain around his neck, and i watched him melt a fly's wings with a lighter and walked away while it writhed on the carpet.
he told me i should try to find god to help me with what i am going through.
what kind of god that allows someone like that to prosper in any way would listen to a prayer from someone like me?
memories from years of psychological abuse at the hands of so many people, including my family, play on a never-ending loop in my head.
this person tells people things about me. im stupid, im spineless, im a slut, im a liar, all these things to discredit me.
the natural reactions of anger ive had as a result of being treated this way have led me to outbursts in the past and alienated me from the people around me.
in some ways it's like im not allowed to feel.
in other ways it's like im meant to feel so much that i can no longer bear to be alive.
they made me feel this way, and then told me it was a disability.
looking back, this person violated me countless times under false pretenses. i dont want to let another person in out of fear it will happen again.
this person looked me dead in the eyes and lied so convincingly about so many things.
he told me that he had Stage 4 Pancreatic cancer with 14 months to live.
i cried in front of him. i wanted to ask him to marry me because i was still blind to what he really is and thought we had limited time together.
i would have spend what little money i had on modest rings, and i would have stayed with him until the very end.
its so painful and emotionally confusing to have had that be some kind of joke at my expense.
Someone like him being so well liked, and the way that people buy into his lies just because he has a huge d*ck,
living in that world is not worth the sweat. It inspires suicidal fantasy, and ive been cutting myself to feel in control.
Any tips?
this person stole money, my work uniforms, and other things from me. they called me spineless for letting this happen. they planted people into my life to triangulate their scheme and create the illusion that i had people to turn to, when in reality they were all on the same side working against me.
this person created a situation where i let them closer to me than i had ever let anyone, this is someone i was tricked into having feelings for so they could cut me as deep as they possibly could.
i thought i loved this person. i moved to a new city to be with them. i gave him a key to my apartment. i have audio recordings of someone walking around my apartment while i was with him at his house. he gave my apartment key to someone i dont know and they came into my apartment.
this person transmitted HIV to me and then completely abandoned me a year ago. I never would have known I had it if I hadn't been taken to the hospital for mental health reasons and kept for 9 days, where they did blood tests.
he wore a cross on a chain around his neck, and i watched him melt a fly's wings with a lighter and walked away while it writhed on the carpet.
he told me i should try to find god to help me with what i am going through.
what kind of god that allows someone like that to prosper in any way would listen to a prayer from someone like me?
memories from years of psychological abuse at the hands of so many people, including my family, play on a never-ending loop in my head.
this person tells people things about me. im stupid, im spineless, im a slut, im a liar, all these things to discredit me.
the natural reactions of anger ive had as a result of being treated this way have led me to outbursts in the past and alienated me from the people around me.
in some ways it's like im not allowed to feel.
in other ways it's like im meant to feel so much that i can no longer bear to be alive.
they made me feel this way, and then told me it was a disability.
looking back, this person violated me countless times under false pretenses. i dont want to let another person in out of fear it will happen again.
this person looked me dead in the eyes and lied so convincingly about so many things.
he told me that he had Stage 4 Pancreatic cancer with 14 months to live.
i cried in front of him. i wanted to ask him to marry me because i was still blind to what he really is and thought we had limited time together.
i would have spend what little money i had on modest rings, and i would have stayed with him until the very end.
its so painful and emotionally confusing to have had that be some kind of joke at my expense.
Someone like him being so well liked, and the way that people buy into his lies just because he has a huge d*ck,
living in that world is not worth the sweat. It inspires suicidal fantasy, and ive been cutting myself to feel in control.
Any tips?
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