Evicted and lost my job due to a false PFA.

[SheTookItAll88]

I have been sleeping in my car for a month and a half, and my savings are now gone. Last month, my live-in girlfriend filed an exaggerated PFA after an argument, in order to circumvent the fact that evictions are illegal in my state and have me thrown on the streets.

I was working in a medical facility, and due to the PFA I lost my job. I have not been able to find any work in my field due to the PFA.

I called the welfare offices for assistance with housing and was told that due to the moratorium on evictions, there is no help for the evicted. I was put on a two year waiting list for emergency housing.

I had filed charges against her due to the argument we had. She told me she would drop the PFA if I dropped the charges. I went to our hearing and withdrew them right in front of her. She has made it clear to a mutual friend she wants me to suffer and will not withdraw the PFA, which she never turned into the police and allows contact. I am sleeping in my car over an hour and a half away from her and am no threat to her, it was only done to hurt me.

I am not sure how much more I can take. There's no light and no will left to live.

 

[autumnal]

I have been sleeping in my car for a month and a half, and my savings are now gone. Last month, my live-in girlfriend filed an exaggerated PFA after an argument, in order to circumvent the fact that evictions are illegal in my state and have me thrown on the streets.

I was working in a medical facility, and due to the PFA I lost my job. I have not been able to find any work in my field due to the PFA.

I called the welfare offices for assistance with housing and was told that due to the moratorium on evictions, there is no help for the evicted. I was put on a two year waiting list for emergency housing.

I had filed charges against her due to the argument we had. She told me she would drop the PFA if I dropped the charges. I went to our hearing and withdrew them right in front of her. She has made it clear to a mutual friend she wants me to suffer and will not withdraw the PFA, which she never turned into the police and allows contact. I am sleeping in my car over an hour and a half away from her and am no threat to her, it was only done to hurt me.

I am not sure how much more I can take. There's no light and no will left to live.

I'd suggest you need some proper legal advice from a community legal centre or similar, rather than a suicide forum. Note that I am not a lawyer, and my experience with this area of law is limited to the system in my own country.

I'm assuming a PFA is a kind of civil order obtained by her against you, like a restraining order or intervention order? Is there the facility for you to contest at a court hearing the order being finalised?

It's also worth finding out whether you can reinstate your criminal charges against her, as doing so might restore your leverage against her.

One additional option might be obtaining your own restraining order against her, or at least threatening to do so? Perhaps the negative effects this could have on her life might encourage her to drop her own order against you?

Note that I'm basing this advice on the assumption that what you say here is the truth and she has genuinely fabricated or at least exaggerated the claims behind her intervention order. That is, I'm assuming that you are at least mainly the good guy in this scenario (although a lot of domestic disputes aren't so clear-cut and involve fault on both sides). Only threaten to obtain a restraining order against her if you have valid evidence with which to do so. Do not fabricate evidence, nor threaten to do so.

 

[Exhausted1705]

Don't they need to gather proof? Maybe try looking for a job

 

[autumnal]

Don't they need to gather proof? Maybe try looking for a job

For restraining orders, there is usually only the need for the applicant to prove the required behaviour occurred on the 'balance of probabilities'. This is a much lower standard of proof than the criminal 'beyond reasonable doubt'. It's typically not hard to 'prove' that most things, truthful or otherwise, occurred on the balance of probabilities, at least until the process reaches the stage where the respondent is given a chance to contest the order being made and present their own evidence or version of events.

In my country at least, restraining orders are typically very easy for people to obtain, regardless of whether they are genuine or false and vindictive (or at some point in between these extremes). Obviously this ease is a positive for the genuine victims of domestic violence (often but not always women) but it is a negative for those who have false and vindictive orders taken out against them (often but not always men).

 

[WinterFaust]

You absolutely want to get a consultation with a lawyer who handles PFAs to see what your options are as soon as possible. That's number 1. Even if the PFA was granted, it can still be potentially dropped. You said she never turned it into police. Does that mean you were never given a notice for the order and a summons in court? Are you currently dealing with a temporary PFA or a final PFA?

I'm so sorry this has has happened to you. What she did was honestly cruel and people have no ideas how serious the consequences of these orders can be when they file for one.

Did you also try filing for unemployment as well? Sorry if I'm asking obvious questions. I know this is a ridiculously tough time for you.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

She allows contact? Dude! You're fucking yourself over if you contact her. She already reneged and has made it clear she intends for you to suffer. Don't help her with that. Any contact is a trap. If the charges against her are legit, refile them, get a PFA against her, and have no contact forever unless it's at a courthouse.

You may call her your girlfriend, but you're not her boyfriend, she's declared you're her enemy. Doesn't matter if you deserved it or not, that's how she treats you. Stay clear of that. Move on with your your life without her in it. The more she's in it, the more she'll try to fuck it up.

Every time you contact her or respond to her, you're retuning to the slot machine of hope. You might get little wins to keep you returning, but there will never be a jackpot.

 

[WinterFaust]

I agree with @GoodPersonEffed. If you have been in contact with her, please cease contact immediately. Not just for your sanity but also because if she has an actual PFA against you, it's now illegal to be in any contact with her from your end. If she contacts you, make a note of it and keep the evidence for a lawyer but do not engage under any circumstances outside of a lawyer or in court.

You're absolutely allowed to grieve and be devastated but please protect yourself from now on.

 

[SheTookItAll88]

I have had mutual friends attempt to mediate. She was clear in her intention to drop the PFA so I may find a home and work, until the hour I withdrew my criminal charges against her. Something flipped inside of her and she expressed her intention to drive me to CTB. I can refile charges, but I have lost the will to fight. My hope is gone at this point. I feel the only option is to CTB and it frightens me that someone could intentionally drive someone to do this.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Something flipped inside of her and she expressed her intention to drive me to CTB. I can refile charges, but I have lost the will to fight. My hope is gone at this point. I feel the only option is to CTB and it frightens me that someone could intentionally drive someone to do this.

Just my thoughts, take from them only what serves...

If you have evidence of this, like emails or recorded calls, I would suggest notifying the police. I would check about laws where you live. There was a woman in Massachusetts who was convicted of pushing a guy to suicide. This can also help you appeal the PFA, especially if whoever told you is willing to be a witness. She has expressed intent to do all this to fuck you up, which can invalidate her PFA. Having one against her will also support your appeal. Some appeals do work. If it's bullshit, it's bullshit. If you have evidence, that will show it's bullshit. Also, did the cops come for the argument, or is it just her word against yours? If they didn't come, she's done an illegal eviction on you. Is your name on the lease? Even if not, housing laws should state that she can't just arbitrarily kick you out if that was your residence, even if you weren't on the lease.

I hear you that you've lost the will to fight, but I don't understand why CTB is your only option. Is it because of the position you're in, living in your car and not having job opportunities in your field? If you fight the PFA and have a case against her, you can appeal with your former employer, and have a clean record for applying elsewhere. In the meantime, there are homeless and transitional housing facilities, and they suck, but you can get a shower, get some food, and at least you have your car during the day. And if the folks who work there aren't totally jaded and give no fucks, they can get you connected with supportive resources while you're in this temporary situation.

It's a shitty situation, but I don't think you have to die yet. It's not hopeless enough yet. But if she's doing all the things you say and the PFA and eviction are invalid, then she's basically bullying you and trying to cause fear and hopelessness. If you can, step outside of that. Are you truly powerless in this? I just suggest you be aware of your emotions and don't let them take over and push you to do things you'll regret. Don't go after her, don't contact her or her friends and family because you want to be heard, don't do anything for revenge. Find whatever good there is in the situation and use it to your advantage. It sucks but you're not the first person to go through something like this, even though it's unique to you, and your relationship with her was unique to you. I suggest you extricate yourself from her as much as you can and move forward from the relationship and having lived together. You'll have new opportunities, and she's shown you how lucky you are to be free of her. My parents discarded me when I asked them to take responsibility for the abuse as I got evidence of why I'd had back problems all my life and needed treatment. I wish I'd gone no contact years before of my own accord, but they did me a huge favor by doing it first, it is so good to be free. So I suggest that getting a PFA against her in response to her actions and going permanent no contact will be a favor to yourself. And hey, she sounds unwise enough to break it, which is going to give you power. Ffs don't tempt her to, just leave her alone. She'll do it on her own. She just sounds that stupid in all this. Stay patient, she'll hang herself instead of you hanging, just don't play into the games, stay outside of them.

 

[SheTookItAll88]

Just my thoughts, take from them only what serves...

If you have evidence of this, like emails or recorded calls, I would suggest notifying the police. I would check about laws where you live. There was a woman in Massachusetts who was convicted of pushing a guy to suicide. This can also help you appeal the PFA, especially if whoever told you is willing to be a witness. She has expressed intent to do all this to fuck you up, which can invalidate her PFA. Having one against her will also support your appeal. Some appeals do work. If it's bullshit, it's bullshit. If you have evidence, that will show it's bullshit. Also, did the cops come for the argument, or is it just her word against yours? If they didn't come, she's done an illegal eviction on you. Is your name on the lease? Even if not, housing laws should state that she can't just arbitrarily kick you out if that was your residence, even if you weren't on the lease.

I hear you that you've lost the will to fight, but I don't understand why CTB is your only option. Is it because of the position you're in, living in your car and not having job opportunities in your field? If you fight the PFA and have a case against her, you can appeal with your former employer, and have a clean record for applying elsewhere. In the meantime, there are homeless and transitional housing facilities, and they suck, but you can get a shower, get some food, and at least you have your car during the day. And if the folks who work there aren't totally jaded and give no fucks, they can get you connected with supportive resources while you're in this temporary situation.

It's a shitty situation, but I don't think you have to die yet. It's not hopeless enough yet. But if she's doing all the things you say and the PFA and eviction are invalid, then she's basically bullying you and trying to cause fear and hopelessness. If you can, step outside of that. Are you truly powerless in this? I just suggest you be aware of your emotions and don't let them take over and push you to do things you'll regret. Don't go after her, don't contact her or her friends and family because you want to be heard, don't do anything for revenge. Find whatever good there is in the situation and use it to your advantage. It sucks but you're not the first person to go through something like this, even though it's unique to you, and your relationship with her was unique to you. I suggest you extricate yourself from her as much as you can and move forward from the relationship and having lived together. You'll have new opportunities, and she's shown you how lucky you are to be free of her. My parents discarded me when I asked them to take responsibility for the abuse as I got evidence of why I'd had back problems all my lie and needed treatment. I wish I'd gone no contact years before of my own accord, but they did me a huge favor by doing it first, it is so good to be free. So i suggest that getting a PFA against her in response to her actions will be a favor to yourself. And hey, she sounds unwise enough to break it, which is going to give you power. Ffs don't tempt her to, just leave her alone. She'll do it on her own. She just sounds that stupid in all this. Stay patient, she'll hang herself instead of you hanging, just don't play into the games, stay outside of them.

I have been living off of savings and the money has run dry. Assistance for the evicted is on hold, and I am on a two year waiting list for emergency housing. Every day wears me thinner, and it is by her design that I am being pushed to this.

I went to the police, I have an attorney. This was all carefully constructed in a way that I have no legal recourse but to attempt to refile charges to potentially pressure her into stopping. But she has indicated that her and a friend are prepared to file false charges against me if I attempt any legal action.

I made a post on my Facebook about this, and her employer- a local news station- threatened legal action for defamation of character if I didn't delete my post about my story and if I try reaching out to someone online again, they will sue me.

I do not see a way out other than CTB.

 

[HeavensOpenDoor]

Don't worry friend I've been there. I'm gonna keep it short and sweet, Google temporary staffing companies in your area! Go to them all and fill out an app ASAP. You're gonna need to be there early in the a.m. as the people sleeping outside usually get there first but it's daily pay and the jobs are pretty much low IQ so low expectations. Be extra nice to the people in the staffing company because if they like you they will give u the best jobs. This should tide you over until you think of other alternatives. Many jobs actually will hire you if they see you're a good worker. Keep your head up! I've been there!

 

[SheTookItAll88]

Don't worry friend I have been there. Google temporary staffing companies in your area! Go to them all and fill out an app. You are gonna need to be there early in the a.m. as the people sleeping outside usually get there first but it is daily pay and the jobs are pretty much low IQ so low expectations. This should tide you over until you think of other alternatives. Many jobs actually will hire you if they see you are a good worker. Keep your head up! I've been there!

I've lost three potential jobs due to this. I am attempting to begin working a simple factory job, but the process is slow and my hope is running very thin for a way out. I haven't paid any of my bills since this started and I'm about to lose my car insurance if I can't make the next payment

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Don't worry friend I have been there. Google temporary staffing companies in your area! Go to them all and fill out an app. You are gonna need to be there early in the a.m. as the people sleeping outside usually get there first but it is daily pay and the jobs are pretty much low IQ so low expectations. This should tide you over until you think of other alternatives. Many jobs actually will hire you if they see you are a good worker. Keep your head up! I've been there!

Agreed!

OP if you have any kind of office skills and decent clothes, you can also apply for temp office jobs. If you can type and know Word, Excel and Outlook, you can get temp data entry, customer service, admin support, and call center positions. Temp work has gotten me through many rough times.

 

[HeavensOpenDoor]

Agreed!

OP if you have any kind of office skills and decent clothes, you can also apply for temp office jobs. If you can type and know Word, Excel and Outlook, you can get temp data entry, customer service, admin support, and call center positions. Temp work has gotten me through many rough times.

+1 goddammit YOU CAN DO IT!!!

 

[SheTookItAll88]

It's not that I'm below a simple job. I just did not expect this to prevent me from working.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It's not that I'm below a simple job. I just did not expect this to prevent me from working.

I hear you!

It sucks!!!! That had to be a blow.

We're on your side here. No one's dogging you.

 

[HeavensOpenDoor]

It's not that I'm below a simple job. I just did not expect this to prevent me from working.

Sometimes life throws you lemons just make lemonade, we are all here for you we're just tryna add some sugar to it.

 

[SheTookItAll88]

Sometimes life throws you lemons just make lemonade, we are all here for you we're just tryna add some sugar to it.

Thank you. It is much more difficult knowing I'm the only person in my state, at least that the government is aware of, who is going through homelessness due to an eviction right now. It's impossible to express my loneliness or hopelessness right now, but I just thought maybe the people here could empathize or relate to at least the despair.

 

[HeavensOpenDoor]

Thank you. It is much more difficult knowing I'm the only person in my state, at least that the government is aware of, who is going through homelessness due to an eviction right now. It's impossible to express my loneliness or hopelessness right now, but I just thought maybe the people here could empathize or relate to at least the despair.

I've been there friend you are NOT alone trust this. Car insurance coming up, u need money for gas to run heat/ a/c and to get u back-n-forth to the laundromat to wash clothes. I think I've lived out of damn near every car I've ever had at some point. Spending money on fast food cause u don't have a refrigerator. Sleeping in parking lots hoping your car doesn't break down. There are many people wanting u to succeed @GoodPersonEffed is one. We are here for you!
True story: I was sleeping in a VW Beetle with all my stuff in my car and blew a head gasket! I was so fucking scared!!! I had to sleep in a abandoned building and walk to work. I went from sleeping in an abandoned building to driving off a car lot in a brand new car in the same DAY! Miracles DO happen!

 

[SheTookItAll88]

I've been there friend you are NOT alone trust this. Car insurance coming up, u need money for gas to run heat/ a/c and to get u back-n-forth to the laundromat to wash clothes. I think I've lived out of damn near every car I've ever had at some point. Spending money on fast food cause u don't have a refrigerator. Sleeping in parking lots hoping your car doesn't break down. There are many people wanting u to succeed @GoodPersonEffed is one. We are here for you!
True story: I was sleeping in a VW Beetle with all my stuff in my car and blew a head gasket! I was so fucking scared!!! I had to sleep in a abandoned building and walk to work. I went from sleeping in an abandoned building to driving off a car lot in a brand new car in the same DAY! Miracles DO happen!

Your story is just as heartbreaking as it is uplifting. My problem is the intentional pressure and threats, the legal action and threat of it if I reach out to someone, the millstone on my neck keeping me down and preventing me from rising up. And the fact that another human being could do this with no empathy.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Don't give that BITCH the satisfaction of u ctb (if she is your main reason)!! The best revenge for those types of evil bitches is WINNING!!

Stay farrrrrrrr from her and let her continue to fight by herself.. Sometimes u can do more damage in silence..

Ps..If I'm not mistaken, in order for a defamation of character suit to be valid, the info being spread must be a LIE. If what u are saying about her is indeed true, and u can prove it, it's not defamation..

We are with u! ♡♡♡

 

[whywere]

I feel for you and wrap my arms around you. YOU will make it through this. You are a bright and loving person, and those aspects WILL help you. I hope when I say this, THAT EVERYONE ON THIS SITE, agrees with me, that we all love and care for you.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I made a post on my Facebook about this, and her employer- a local news station- threatened legal action for defamation of character if I didn't delete my post about my story and if I try reaching out to someone online again, they will sue me.

I would follow up with the news station and make sure it really came from them, and follow up with your attorney.

If you are innocent of any charges she would bring against you, then what does your attorney say about all this?

If you don't file charges, she can still file false charges against you and you're in an even deeper hole.

I get what you're saying about not knowing how someone could do this. It's going to take a while. Don't let that stall you. Pretend she's someone you don't know. Do something to set aside that it's her and that you loved her, and deal with just the actions.

At this point, I'll stop giving suggestions. I get the sense that you're stuck on something that you don't want to let go (yet?) and you're not open to hearing suggestions. I don't want to give if you're not open to receiving, and for you to feel like you've got to keep rejecting, that can feel frustrating, like someone refuses to hear you say no. If that's the case, maybe you'd like to tell folks what you actually need or want here so you can receive that?

 

[autumnal]

Your story is just as heartbreaking as it is uplifting. My problem is the intentional pressure and threats, the legal action and threat of it if I reach out to someone, the millstone on my neck keeping me down and preventing me from rising up. And the fact that another human being could do this with no empathy.

There is a lot of good advice here from other members that I would just be repeating.

One additional thing to think about: if you are considering suicide anyway, and want to keep it up your sleeve as the absolute last resort, why should the outcome of her potential threats and actions be bothering you? If you fight back and she backs down, then you win. If you fight back and she follows through with her threats, then you have suicide as a fallback. What's the harm in giving it your best shot to defeat her, and seeing which way it goes?