No note, just a phone number written on my door as I get in my truck and leave.. I was supposed to ctb last night but I looked at the condition of my living space and did not want this to represent me after I die.., so I cleaned and I cleaned and I cleaned. Everything is in its place and we're ready.
The fear is absolutely real, the lump in my throat is huge, but I know it has to be done. Sometimes we have to do difficult things in order to achieve amazing things.. so.. I see this as the final test to defeating the almighty boss, Survival Instinct.
I don't know where I exactly want to ctb yet. All I know is it will be done in the back seat of my vehicle. I can't decide if I want to park at an empty lot at 3 am, or drive to the middle of Nevada, ctb and never to be found again… decisions decisions.
A lot of people have told me not to go through with this and that digging myself deeper into debt doesn't give reason for suicide.. and I understand that, but my reasons are beyond the man made dollar.. flat out
I just do not agree how this "earth" is ran. Everyone is a slave yet we just cannot see the chains as they are invisible. Greed runs this world now, and as me, a single individual making less than $30k a year, can absolutely do nothing to change that fact.
Maybe living in the area 1900s - 2000s was the best. Before shit just got bad. But I digress.
It's like human existence is a prank on us because we only have one instinct which is to survive, and we only have one guarantee which is that we won't… yet society tells us we have no choice but to accept our physical human form and figure out how to both participate in society, and determine life's purpose while everything grows exceedingly out of grasp??
No thank you, I choose the bus!! I could jump very far down this rabbitle while, the elites, the new world order , true population under 100 million.. countless countless nights spent "researching " .. I just want out.
I am so so so close to the brink of homelessness I refuse to go down that road. Nobody deserves to be homeless on the fucking streets. Everyday I I see children homeless on the streets and it breaking my fuckin heart…….. and if I could help them I would.. but I have to help myself and leave this world while I have my balls and my weapons.
I figure I'm gonna leave around midnight mst, I have to leave my totes behind to make room In my truck so I guess whoever find them like clothes lol..
Just can't decide where on the west coast to go.
The fear is absolutely real, the lump in my throat is huge, but I know it has to be done. Sometimes we have to do difficult things in order to achieve amazing things.. so.. I see this as the final test to defeating the almighty boss, Survival Instinct.
I don't know where I exactly want to ctb yet. All I know is it will be done in the back seat of my vehicle. I can't decide if I want to park at an empty lot at 3 am, or drive to the middle of Nevada, ctb and never to be found again… decisions decisions.
A lot of people have told me not to go through with this and that digging myself deeper into debt doesn't give reason for suicide.. and I understand that, but my reasons are beyond the man made dollar.. flat out
I just do not agree how this "earth" is ran. Everyone is a slave yet we just cannot see the chains as they are invisible. Greed runs this world now, and as me, a single individual making less than $30k a year, can absolutely do nothing to change that fact.
Maybe living in the area 1900s - 2000s was the best. Before shit just got bad. But I digress.
It's like human existence is a prank on us because we only have one instinct which is to survive, and we only have one guarantee which is that we won't… yet society tells us we have no choice but to accept our physical human form and figure out how to both participate in society, and determine life's purpose while everything grows exceedingly out of grasp??
No thank you, I choose the bus!! I could jump very far down this rabbitle while, the elites, the new world order , true population under 100 million.. countless countless nights spent "researching " .. I just want out.
I am so so so close to the brink of homelessness I refuse to go down that road. Nobody deserves to be homeless on the fucking streets. Everyday I I see children homeless on the streets and it breaking my fuckin heart…….. and if I could help them I would.. but I have to help myself and leave this world while I have my balls and my weapons.
I figure I'm gonna leave around midnight mst, I have to leave my totes behind to make room In my truck so I guess whoever find them like clothes lol..
Just can't decide where on the west coast to go.
