this is such a long and lengthy vent & i AM sorry if this is the wrong forum for this, i am new to this forum and forums in general so here we go lol
so last year, in june,, i met this girl and she had a few issues going on with her (so did i, we both just got out of a shitty relationship). me and her quickly clicked together and me and her became partners.
one of the biggest fuckups i made was quickly being so sexual towards her (this is an online relationship by the way) but this wasn't one of the major issues
throughout the relationship i began to repeatedly cheat over and over again because i was such an immature person and just recently ive realized that the shit i've done to her isnt healthy
i cheated 6 times, six, because i endlessly begged for attention again and again when in reality she was the one that gave it to me
i've ruined my life being like this towards her, and i've ruined hers by just being so fucking immature and unappreciative of what i had
we made so many memories just for me to fucking throw it out the window, and now shes probably gonna find someone IRL that will love her better and take her virginity probably lmfao
i started cutting myself, which i haven't done in a long time but i have done a few times in the time i've been in a relationship with her
while i write this we're still in call but its just painful, i cant be here without her, i dont know how to live without her
every girl and every boy in my peripheral vision just looks like a fucking slob, everyone i've cheated on her with is ugly and disgusting and i wish i never talked them into sexting me.
yesterday i threw my phone at my window because i was just so fed up with myself, everything ive done just haunted me over and over and i just couldnt take it, my mom walked into my room and i just began yelling at her, i yelled at her so much and i just started cursing, i started cursing at myself, i started slapping myself in front of her, i started continuously yelling and talking back to her because she truly did not understand the amount of pain i was into, everything hurts, music hurts, waking up and getting up and showering is such a pain for me to do, i don't know how i'm gonna live like this and just attend school and such because of how much pain i am in, i don't know who i am and what i'm doing anymore, my fucking life is painful
so last year, in june,, i met this girl and she had a few issues going on with her (so did i, we both just got out of a shitty relationship). me and her quickly clicked together and me and her became partners.
one of the biggest fuckups i made was quickly being so sexual towards her (this is an online relationship by the way) but this wasn't one of the major issues
throughout the relationship i began to repeatedly cheat over and over again because i was such an immature person and just recently ive realized that the shit i've done to her isnt healthy
i cheated 6 times, six, because i endlessly begged for attention again and again when in reality she was the one that gave it to me
i've ruined my life being like this towards her, and i've ruined hers by just being so fucking immature and unappreciative of what i had
we made so many memories just for me to fucking throw it out the window, and now shes probably gonna find someone IRL that will love her better and take her virginity probably lmfao
i started cutting myself, which i haven't done in a long time but i have done a few times in the time i've been in a relationship with her
while i write this we're still in call but its just painful, i cant be here without her, i dont know how to live without her
every girl and every boy in my peripheral vision just looks like a fucking slob, everyone i've cheated on her with is ugly and disgusting and i wish i never talked them into sexting me.
yesterday i threw my phone at my window because i was just so fed up with myself, everything ive done just haunted me over and over and i just couldnt take it, my mom walked into my room and i just began yelling at her, i yelled at her so much and i just started cursing, i started cursing at myself, i started slapping myself in front of her, i started continuously yelling and talking back to her because she truly did not understand the amount of pain i was into, everything hurts, music hurts, waking up and getting up and showering is such a pain for me to do, i don't know how i'm gonna live like this and just attend school and such because of how much pain i am in, i don't know who i am and what i'm doing anymore, my fucking life is painful
