CatAstro.Fee
confused
- Jul 5, 2025
- 55
I treat my body horribly, I treat the little kid I once was horribly. I find myself caring less about morals which is very unlike me, I find myself having little to zero reaction to awful things done to me or others.
I think about him and I see him all the time and I just want to be held by him again.
I've lost so many connections or I mess up somehow because I am too much or not enough. I have no one and I keep waiting for connections to end.
I want to be myself then when I am, I'm just too weird. I do want to get better but I do miss him and the memories reel me back.
I'm so numb and I don't get emotional or have vivid visions as I used to because I'm just too busy and distracted all the time to do so.
I keep getting reminded by all the bullshit around me that I really need to focus on myself because while there are long lasting connections, not everyone right now is going to be there in the end. It's sad to think about. I forget about the political state of the world then when I remember, I wonder if there's a point to trying to do anything at all. I keep hoping people are going to stand up but then they just don't. I wonder what the tipping point is for people to finally do something abour anything.
I hope we will get back together despite everything.
I hope for things that don't exist anymore.
I hope for a different life where I was more tolerant of awful things done to me so I wouldn't lose people I loved.
I hope for a different life that I was raised somewhere else by better people.
I hope hope hope.
For what.
I like to sleep because I can escape and see him again. But I don't even do that.
I just wish I had a different life where people didn't feel the need to always switch up on me at some point.
I just wish I had a different life where I didn't have to worry about eating or having a home.
I don't want to see people suffer in countries I'll never go to.
I don't want to be me.
I just. Life is so awful. It's great sometimes, but I really wish my journey here wasn't so awful. I don't care what people say, I don't think going through so much trauma was necessary to get here. That's so awful to say. No one deserves this.
Everything's connected to patriarchy and destruction of love. I just want it all to stop and I want him back so back and I want to be someone else entirely. Please.
I think about him and I see him all the time and I just want to be held by him again.
I've lost so many connections or I mess up somehow because I am too much or not enough. I have no one and I keep waiting for connections to end.
I want to be myself then when I am, I'm just too weird. I do want to get better but I do miss him and the memories reel me back.
I'm so numb and I don't get emotional or have vivid visions as I used to because I'm just too busy and distracted all the time to do so.
I keep getting reminded by all the bullshit around me that I really need to focus on myself because while there are long lasting connections, not everyone right now is going to be there in the end. It's sad to think about. I forget about the political state of the world then when I remember, I wonder if there's a point to trying to do anything at all. I keep hoping people are going to stand up but then they just don't. I wonder what the tipping point is for people to finally do something abour anything.
I hope we will get back together despite everything.
I hope for things that don't exist anymore.
I hope for a different life where I was more tolerant of awful things done to me so I wouldn't lose people I loved.
I hope for a different life that I was raised somewhere else by better people.
I hope hope hope.
For what.
I like to sleep because I can escape and see him again. But I don't even do that.
I just wish I had a different life where people didn't feel the need to always switch up on me at some point.
I just wish I had a different life where I didn't have to worry about eating or having a home.
I don't want to see people suffer in countries I'll never go to.
I don't want to be me.
I just. Life is so awful. It's great sometimes, but I really wish my journey here wasn't so awful. I don't care what people say, I don't think going through so much trauma was necessary to get here. That's so awful to say. No one deserves this.
Everything's connected to patriarchy and destruction of love. I just want it all to stop and I want him back so back and I want to be someone else entirely. Please.
