Discussion Everything is distractions under the veil of emptiness.

[gcso]

Everything seems to drive me to suicide. Nothing interests me. Anything! Being born, creating awareness, clinging to distractions and dying - that's what life is all about. Relationships, vanity, children, friends, work, material possessions, religion or some other belief... It's all distractions. Day after day... That's how I see it. I look around and stop in huge despair as I partially cry. The ton in my throat, the butterflies in my stomach and the hands followed by a lot of sweat as I listen to whatever music makes me feel less bad in this dark, dirty and lonely room in the middle of a Sunday as I watch the twilight of my hopes. Watching nature alone while feeling the cold wind helps me, but I soon see that it's temporary. Most here want to be born again after death and I ask myself "why?". Some even dare to say they want to have children. The only thing I want is not to be born or not to continue to exist after death. Life after death; hell; Paradise; reincarnate in a better life... I don't want anything but nothing. I just want to die and erase myself forever. Everything irritates me, including this dead human body I carry. Damn instincts and vices. Shit, how everything sucks. And the crazy thing is that all this was developed by me through thinking and bad habits.
It seems like it doesn't matter where you were born, whether it's in a first world country or not, because if you don't have a family that raises you right or you're very rational, the hole will always be the same for everyone in the end.

I observe the world and I see this theater of illusions... Everything disgusts me. Society standards; kindness more forced than rape to please idiots at work or on the street; the superficiality of current things; etc. The world is strange and meaningless in my head. I feel like I'm being raped doing these things I don't want - like prostitution to survive in a "normal" way in society. Nor can I die rationally as it is considered wrong for idiots. I have no dignity; we have no dignity.
my english is horrible, forgive me if there are mistakes

 

[toforigivelife]

It's hard to keep living once the veil drops and see all of the realities. You wish that you could un-see them but you can't.

It sounds like you have clinical depression. I don't know if you've sought help. If you haven't it might be worth a try. Sometimes depression and mental illness resistant to treatment but you might be one of the lucky ones.

Otherwise I get what you're going through and I'm sorry that you are suffering through this.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand how you feel. I see life itself as being so horrifying, I want nothing to do with living at all. There really is no point to suffering each day all for the sake of it. Life just seems to be decades of misery and then we just die. Everything about my existence just feels so wrong.

I feel like the title of your post sums up life perfectly. There is no meaning, purpose or value to living, and many humans delude themselves through distractions into thinking that their life has some significance or that it matters in some way. The truth is that we will all be forgotten someday just like we never existed at all. Existence is so pointless but to me at the same time it is so painful and non existence is all I want, it will always be preferable to any kind of life.

 

[Archness]

I simply agree. Once I saw through the veil of illusions, I couldn't go back. Everything feels like a distraction from where I'm going. At least I could have a bit of enjoyment,. If you're having clinical depression or anhedonia I'm really sorry.