Venting Everything feels so... hopeless in ways.

[Busridin'26]

Even buying SN is something that atm I cannot afford... money sucks.

Then just the consistent ever growing lack of capacity that is so mixed with my mental, physical, spirtual parts of myself.

I feel just... so often hope & life & spirit etc builds and then it just kinda falls. I just feel... restless within all of this. Hopeless and just...

Feeling a lack of direction & navigation.

Reaching a breaking point of just wanting to attempt ctb in whatever fucking more immediately way.


How do I even lift myself up long enough to not only get through & by but likeeee thrive? I dunno anymore. Im tired of everything.

Really at a breaking point tonight & going asleep just for another day is actually fucking making me feel just angry almost.


I am so sick of being alive when im barly living.

I kinda just wanna get up and clean for hours to avoid sleep, extend my body so I'm exhausted and just...

I also wanna cut. I kinda really wanna cry. & I just... am sick of everything.

 

[soonnotkoei]

i cant know what youre going through but whatever you do OP do not attempt out of frustration and desperation. please be patient. you are very likely to fail a hurried attempt. good luck.

 

[Busridin'26]

i cant know what youre going through but whatever you do OP do not attempt out of frustration and desperation. please be patient. you are very likely to fail a hurried attempt. good luck.

Ik I shouldn't but I cannot withstand this much longer. I shall try to make my attempt within a properly researched thing but my patience has def worn out...

 

[soonnotkoei]

Ik I shouldn't but I cannot withstand this much longer. I shall try to make my attempt within a properly researched thing but my patience has def worn out...

i can understand. i just dont want anyone to end up worse off because they attempted out of impulse. i cant imagine the regret.

 

[cme-dme]

Even buying SN is something that atm I cannot afford... money sucks.

Then just the consistent ever growing lack of capacity that is so mixed with my mental, physical, spirtual parts of myself.

I feel just... so often hope & life & spirit etc builds and then it just kinda falls. I just feel... restless within all of this. Hopeless and just...

Feeling a lack of direction & navigation.

Reaching a breaking point of just wanting to attempt ctb in whatever fucking more immediately way.


How do I even lift myself up long enough to not only get through & by but likeeee thrive? I dunno anymore. Im tired of everything.

Really at a breaking point tonight & going asleep just for another day is actually fucking making me feel just angry almost.


I am so sick of being alive when im barly living.

I kinda just wanna get up and clean for hours to avoid sleep, extend my body so I'm exhausted and just...

I also wanna cut. I kinda really wanna cry. & I just... am sick of everything.

I feel this very much so. It feels like I am just living the same day over and over in an endless loop except somehow things get slightly worse with every day that passes. I wish there was a way to stop feeling this way.

 

[NonEssential]

Feeling a lot of despair regarding my future has to be the biggest reason why I want to ctb. The present is bad too tbh.

 

[Kassender]

the last nice thing i had just got tainted so i know exactly what you mean. Im caught in a loop and getting out of it seems worse than staying in.

all the reasons i had to try again have been destroyed

money sucks.