Lots of people like to believe that there are some truisms which underpin how humans approach each other. Usually they revolve around the myth that in times of need or distress, barriers come down and the human instinct for compassion kicks in. What bullshit. The overwhelming human instinct is for self-preservation. All that talk about people showing their 'human side' is rooted in the misplaced idea that whilst we're all flawed individuals, we have the capacity for good etc etc. What a load of bollocks. People are shit. They're driven by self-interest and, as I said, self-preservation. I'm not saying I'm any different, but at least I can acknowledge that I'm full of shit.
But, perhaps even more sinister, when people do want to help, whether we like it or not, it's conditional on 'playing the game'. If you're Autistic, you may understand what I'm saying about the 'game'. It's those unspoken rules of social ettitquette. All that tedious stuff about making small-talk, being charming, warm, likeable. Doesn't matter what is in your soul, if you don't posture the way most of society wants you to. And so much potential is lost through that narrow lens the world is seen through. It's not that anyone who doesn't 'play the game' is bad, it's that people see them as bad, subversive, difficult, prickly. They're usually the most compassionate people. The difference is that they focus on rational compassion. Rational compassion isn't subjective like 'normal compassion'. Rational compassion is based on being effectively compassionate, and without judgement, towards all. The traditional compassion others like to boast about is limited to those people they deem likeable and worthy, people like themselves.
I don't know if anyone has heard of 'The headless way', but it centres around the idea that there's your private self and your public self. The gap between the two, the way I perceive myself privately versus the way I perceive myself publicly, is very distressing. I'm so aware of EVERYTHING I do, and I find any inconsistencies in the way I present myself privately and publicly deeply uncomfortable. I feel like I'm defrauding everyone. But the worst bit is when my public self is not enough for people to care.
I think we all know that healthcare, and access to it, is not purely science-based. You don't have to be a genius to know that. But personality and the way you're perceived makes such a difference. I've been called difficult, uncooperative, hostile, volatile, aggressive - but never distressed. I'm never afforded that humanity. And that has undoubtedly impacted on things. I've seen the way my charming friends had people, including professionals, bend over backwards to help them. It wasn't anything to do with need, but everything to do with will. Despite the fact in private they made my life miserable, because they giggled and laughed and played the role of the 'good patient', never questioned anything, they got all their needs met. I did try that at first, but it didn't get me anywhere. It was like talking to a brick wall. Health professionals, for all their perceived stoicism, are some of the most sensitive people I've ever met. Maybe it's because they make their job their entire identity, but any perceived or real challenge to their authority and you've lost it. They won't help you. They talk about everything being 'evidence-based' and 'clinical opinion' as if it doesn't all come down to whether or not they deem you worthy, one way or another.
So make sure you stay likeable, or you're fucked.
But, perhaps even more sinister, when people do want to help, whether we like it or not, it's conditional on 'playing the game'. If you're Autistic, you may understand what I'm saying about the 'game'. It's those unspoken rules of social ettitquette. All that tedious stuff about making small-talk, being charming, warm, likeable. Doesn't matter what is in your soul, if you don't posture the way most of society wants you to. And so much potential is lost through that narrow lens the world is seen through. It's not that anyone who doesn't 'play the game' is bad, it's that people see them as bad, subversive, difficult, prickly. They're usually the most compassionate people. The difference is that they focus on rational compassion. Rational compassion isn't subjective like 'normal compassion'. Rational compassion is based on being effectively compassionate, and without judgement, towards all. The traditional compassion others like to boast about is limited to those people they deem likeable and worthy, people like themselves.
I don't know if anyone has heard of 'The headless way', but it centres around the idea that there's your private self and your public self. The gap between the two, the way I perceive myself privately versus the way I perceive myself publicly, is very distressing. I'm so aware of EVERYTHING I do, and I find any inconsistencies in the way I present myself privately and publicly deeply uncomfortable. I feel like I'm defrauding everyone. But the worst bit is when my public self is not enough for people to care.
I think we all know that healthcare, and access to it, is not purely science-based. You don't have to be a genius to know that. But personality and the way you're perceived makes such a difference. I've been called difficult, uncooperative, hostile, volatile, aggressive - but never distressed. I'm never afforded that humanity. And that has undoubtedly impacted on things. I've seen the way my charming friends had people, including professionals, bend over backwards to help them. It wasn't anything to do with need, but everything to do with will. Despite the fact in private they made my life miserable, because they giggled and laughed and played the role of the 'good patient', never questioned anything, they got all their needs met. I did try that at first, but it didn't get me anywhere. It was like talking to a brick wall. Health professionals, for all their perceived stoicism, are some of the most sensitive people I've ever met. Maybe it's because they make their job their entire identity, but any perceived or real challenge to their authority and you've lost it. They won't help you. They talk about everything being 'evidence-based' and 'clinical opinion' as if it doesn't all come down to whether or not they deem you worthy, one way or another.
So make sure you stay likeable, or you're fucked.
