Venting Everyone looks at me like Im a monster

[Mark_Anatoly]

Im not perfect

but the psychological impact that my past encounters with others

leaving me with a broken sense of self and a complete breakdown of my perception

have left me so utterly broken that im not normal anymore in any sense

i just want peace and love

but why does everyone turn away from me when i try in my very best to express my hopes and my genuine expression of peace

i try and talk but no words come out, everyday i feel more stuck

im a prisoner of this house, i live in the same house everyday where my r#pist and abuser lives
the same people who've verbally and mentally and physically harassed me and broken me

but some part of me wants to remain kind
so i blame myself.

i tell people to go ahead
look at me like a monster

to use me.
because im nothing but a fucking tool for everyones pleasure

im nothing
i will remain nothing

im too broken to stand up
so why stand up and choose to live?

unrelated hahs but heres a poem i wrote awhile back

Sleep, now, do dream, my love
Rest must be all that you now have
Put your hand into that warm glove
And feel its fabric, all you're left to have

Feel, feel, try and heal, now
Do not read, nor do try and know
Go quietly with the river's flow
Into that quiet abyss of depths so low

Lie down, do not take any solace
Do not take comfort, for pain always follows
and you know this

Go now, gently my love
Go down without a fight
Go now, gently my love
Into that quiet, quiet night

Let that tight noose
Embrace your neck

Let death become your light

 

[thirdtimesthecharmg]

Beautifully written. I hope you find peace and love. They are rare treasures.

 

[dyingslowly]

Same here, people just hate me for my looks

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so dreadful what you've been through, it's truly so cruel and horrible how people suffer in this existence all through no fault of their own, it disgusts me how some just cause so much harm to others. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Al_stargate]

im a prisoner of this house, i live in the same house everyday where my r#pist and abuser lives
the same people who've verbally and mentally and physically harassed me and broken me

Same, the worst thing happened in my life. Wasn't raped but still can't believe that this is my fate. Did nothing wrong and I got the worst destiny possible. I had a chance to get away, I had money but I didn't want to step out of my comfort zone and was scared and wanted to save on rent and now I'm stuck with these people I despise the most. Makes me really hate god or who ever is responsible for justice because there isn't any.

 

[KillingPain267]

Same. I hate going outside, even to shop for groceries. I feel so different from everyone else and they look at me with disgust. At least that is how I perceive it. I get depressed and even more determined to ctb after being outside with people for just 2 hours.