Venting Everyone leaves me because of how I am

[guinea-pig]

I'm not a good friend in many ways and what I do is never intentional but it ends up hurting people I'm friends with. My depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, impulsive behavior, oversharing, etc becomes too much. I have no friends left at all because of the way I am. I understand why but it is pathetic for me honestly. I wanted to change and I tried changing but it doesn't work out.

I had one friend that I was really close with but I fucked up a lot and she ghosted me a while ago, I tried talking to her once but she was super dry and now she hasn't texted in 6 months when she usually would. I know I messed up a lot and it is my fault and I tried fixing things too late. We are also at different points in our life, she is in college making new friends and going to parties meanwhile I'm rotting away in bed. I know people don't want to be friends with me and it is a hard fact to deal with. I have my boyfriend but how long until he gets tired of me? It took that friend 4/5 years to get tired and I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and he has said once how he gives up on issues with me. I wish things were different. Having no friends is what makes me even more suicidal because I SEE them getting tired of me and then I'm left with no one and I have no one to blame but myself. It really sucks because I just want to be a good person in people's lives but I'll never be that.

 

[SkippingRope]

It's so sad what you've been through. I wish people were understanding and just wished to listen and understand. If you need some help, message me. I'll gladly listen to what you have to say. I believe you deserve the best! That's my discord tag: skippingrope#0

 

[MeltingBrain]

I generally use this site OR doctors office as a trauma dump otherwise I just stomach it .
If you want to speak to anyone my dms are open

 

[flowers in the mist]

I am sorry that you lost your friend that you were close with, and that you feel that way in general.
It can be hard to keep friends like that, especially if you are at different stages in life.

I struggle a lot with loneliness too and it makes me more depressed. Even though I am quite lucky to have one really close friend that knows most things about me. But even then I try to limit how much I vent or share with him. I have lost friends in similar ways like you but honestly I can't really blame them too much. Trying to be there and help someone with no improvement (as it was in my case) can be really hard after many years of trying. It's rare to find that one or few close friends that stick through.

Oversharing can be very draining if people don't really understand or have been in the same situations. That's why it's best (at least for me) to keep it to therapists or to vent somewhere, possibly here. But nonetheless it really sucks having no one to talk to, I've been there too.

As others have stated, you can always reach out to people here, me included if there's anything!
I wish you the best.

 

[sjembek]

I'm not a good friend in many ways and what I do is never intentional but it ends up hurting people I'm friends with. My depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, impulsive behavior, oversharing, etc becomes too much. I have no friends left at all because of the way I am. I understand why but it is pathetic for me honestly. I wanted to change and I tried changing but it doesn't work out.

I had one friend that I was really close with but I fucked up a lot and she ghosted me a while ago, I tried talking to her once but she was super dry and now she hasn't texted in 6 months when she usually would. I know I messed up a lot and it is my fault and I tried fixing things too late. We are also at different points in our life, she is in college making new friends and going to parties meanwhile I'm rotting away in bed. I know people don't want to be friends with me and it is a hard fact to deal with. I have my boyfriend but how long until he gets tired of me? It took that friend 4/5 years to get tired and I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and he has said once how he gives up on issues with me. I wish things were different. Having no friends is what makes me even more suicidal because I SEE them getting tired of me and then I'm left with no one and I have no one to blame but myself. It really sucks because I just want to be a good person in people's lives but I'll never be that.

I'm in the same boat as you, man…

 

[pole]

takes alot to tolerate someone who's broken. a completely different level to also be able to love someone who's broken. a someone that many of us haven't had.

can't blame people. it's difficult to understand, shoulder, and know how to deal with someone broken. just aren't many people willing to want to stick through the storm with us.

always hard to accept the reality of our situations, especially if you're someone like me who yearned for a person who could somehow accept their brokenness and love them.

 

[Otto Mann]

Every problem once had its problems, whether they were mental or physical. No individual is perfectly crafted. If your environment doesn't accept you as you are, then you can simply seek out new connections. Don't let yourself be bent out of shape, remain true to who you are. You're not obligated to conform to your surroundings.

 

[Hollowman]

Every problem once had its problems, whether they were mental or physical. No individual is perfectly crafted. If your environment doesn't accept you as you are, then you can simply seek out new connections. Don't let yourself be bent out of shape, remain true to who you are. You're not obligated to conform to your surroundings.

For some people there's nothing simple about seeking out new connections. I'm disabled when it comes to that.

 

[front of me]

FK him no one cares

 

[Henryk]

I understand perfectly what you said because I've lived exactly what you're living now. I managed to push everyone around me away because of thoughtless attitudes, among other things, those were very painful years, but today I am a different person. What I learned was to create different facets of myself each one behaving in a certain situation. It's horrible because I have to pretend to be someone that many times I'm not, not to mention that I have to keep thinking all the time about what I'm going to say, which often makes me an introverted person. I'm not saying that this can be a solution because it's also very complicated to live like this but at least today I manage to keep people close to me

 

[exiled]

What you've typed has really resonated with me. I understand being overcome with all these emotions and wishing there were someone you could talk to. My best friend of nearly eight years cut me off quite out of the blue one day because my "panic attacks and depression were too much" for her to handle. Most of my friends even currently are upset with me because they don't understand my situation and my actions/lack there of. They think I am not helping myself, but they do not know the intense struggle I am battling up against every single day.

All that to say: I hear you. If you need a listening ear at ANY time, please feel free to reach out. I use Discord quite frequently if you prefer that. Feel free to send me a PM if you are interested!