I've been thinking over my life and it's honestly amazing how many people either treated me like shit or pretended I don't exist.
since early childhood, people legitimately despised me and would go out of their way to insult me and make me feel left or they would make "harmless" jokes about me specifically even when there was a large group of people around. I have always tried being as quiet as possible yet for a long time the conversation would always turn to me and my flaws.
My so called "friends" did this too. They tried to pass it as harmless jokes but it's obvious i've been the lolcow of every friend group I was ever a part of. My own mother told me that I should kill myself and she regrets not aborting me.
I wonder if it's the way I look or my personality is too passive that everyone thinks they can have a go at me.
A few years ago there was this girl that liked me and she tried talking to me. I really wanted to get to know her better but I was super shy and anxious and unsure of her intentions which eventually made her think i'm not interested. I tried apologizing to her but then she made rumours about me being a stalker and a rapist. I remember getting dirty looks from people in public that I haven't seen before, but then i'd see them with her a couple of days later and it all made sense.
Right now I basically don't exist. I have no friends, no one to talk to. I'm on the verge of dropping out of college because I just want to stay in my bed all day. I feel so lost and I can't see any way I can improve my self without using more energy than my miserable self is capable of producing.
anyone else have a similar experience?
since early childhood, people legitimately despised me and would go out of their way to insult me and make me feel left or they would make "harmless" jokes about me specifically even when there was a large group of people around. I have always tried being as quiet as possible yet for a long time the conversation would always turn to me and my flaws.
My so called "friends" did this too. They tried to pass it as harmless jokes but it's obvious i've been the lolcow of every friend group I was ever a part of. My own mother told me that I should kill myself and she regrets not aborting me.
I wonder if it's the way I look or my personality is too passive that everyone thinks they can have a go at me.
A few years ago there was this girl that liked me and she tried talking to me. I really wanted to get to know her better but I was super shy and anxious and unsure of her intentions which eventually made her think i'm not interested. I tried apologizing to her but then she made rumours about me being a stalker and a rapist. I remember getting dirty looks from people in public that I haven't seen before, but then i'd see them with her a couple of days later and it all made sense.
Right now I basically don't exist. I have no friends, no one to talk to. I'm on the verge of dropping out of college because I just want to stay in my bed all day. I feel so lost and I can't see any way I can improve my self without using more energy than my miserable self is capable of producing.
anyone else have a similar experience?
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