Everyday is so unbearable

[fettuccinenoodle]

Every morning I wake up It is so painful to be awake, alive. I don't really know how much more of this I can take.

I've really been trying to distract myself, learning a language, reading positive books being with friends or family. But I'm only a little better when they are around, and thats only like 5% of my weeks. I cant even sleep because my dreams just punish me over and over again. I feel so crazy. I cant keep crying everyday and I'm the lowest weight I've been in 15 years because I cant eat anything.

I'll be home alone in about an hour or 2 and I think today is the day. I've practiced and I'm going to take the rest of my anxiety medication and make a serious attempt. I need to escape

 

[Nirrend]

Every morning I wake up It is so painful to be awake, alive. I don't really know how much more of this I can take.

I've really been trying to distract myself, learning a language, reading positive books being with friends or family. But I'm only a little better when they are around, and thats only like 5% of my weeks. I cant even sleep because my dreams just punish me over and over again. I feel so crazy. I cant keep crying everyday and I'm the lowest weight I've been in 15 years because I cant eat anything.

I'll be home alone in about an hour or 2 and I think today is the day. I've practiced and I'm going to take the rest of my anxiety medication and make a serious attempt. I need to escape

Hi sweet @fettuccinenoodle

I'm really sorry you're going through such a complicated day to day ❤

I think I can imagine that torture, that madness in which you are slowly but surely drowning, the loneliness, the emptiness, the despair, the regrets, the pain, the anger, the sadness, the exhaustion...

I am from the bottom of my heart sorry ❤

What you describe, reminds me a lot of an attitude I have always taken with my own problems

It's like putting a pot on the stove, but wearing earplugs and blindfolding each other.

We distract ourselves, we try to get the mind out of this despair (reading, working, playing, instruments....). But in the meantime, the fire continues to boil and we don't see the moment when the boiling water comes out of the pot

I know you think things are hopeless, I don't know your life and I won't allow me to say "but yes, it's easy, look, smile at life"

Indeed it's very hard to get better...

Distractions prevent you from jumping right into this ball of suffering inside you, it's not easy I know .. but maybe many questions are to be asked to understand, or eradicate this evil? ❤

I can imagine that you have already done this, but perhaps you need to go further? More deeply? Maybe it's an event or a set of events that your brain refuses to accept so far?

Even if I know you have no hope, maybe the grey cloud is just passing by, maybe this veil can eventually leave and maybe you can finally see the blue sky?

Whatever choice you make in all this, we will respect it ❤

You're brave, you're suffering and I don't think I would have managed to carry on like you do today ❤

I wish you from the bottom of my heart that things will get better ❤

Love ❤

 

[makethepainstop]

Oh I understand, you perfectly! I'm in that same boat, but I am almost at the end of my ability to keep hoping things might get better.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence can certainly be a cruel and painful burden and I do get that feeling trapped here can be so tiring when you wish for freedom and when there isn't much a relief from the endless suffering that you experience. Your feelings are understandable so I hope that you find what you are looking for.