Discussion Ever known anyone who turned their lives around because of therapy?

[Slacker]

What a cheery story!

sarcastic or do you mean it?

 

[NOISYMIND]

I like and respect my current therapist, as she is a useful support to me, but it took a lot of time and money to find her. In my experience, many of the therapists I have seen should not be working in this industry. Maybe they were good once, or they are good with some people, but I was very upfront about the kind of patient I am. My therapy is also being paid by the state. I would not be able to afford it otherwise -- it is a lot to pay for stress relief.

I haven't tried because it's very difficult for me to be open up to a stranger. Plus spending money to find the right one doesn't seem to work for me because my family can't afford it and it's not covered by national insurance. It sort of blocked the way to get help from a therapist.

 

[Slacker]

if it would help you

yes, you are absolutely right. I start to realize now that my life is still shit and I was completely naive.
How could I just think that I can assess the result of my therapy on my own life better then some guy on the internet I don´t know LOL?

Fucking logic

 

[worldexploder]

Maybe it's just naive to think that one foreign person can change your life and personality to the better forever after you met him a few times?

Demanding such high standards to others but not to yourself is just ... hmmm, let's say a bit unfair isn't it?

I feel sorry for the people who live in a country without healthcare (yes Americans I mean you) so that they can't even afford to see a therapist or get poor by just doing so.

But even with healthcare, it´s not easy to get help. I met a few and talked to therapists in the psychiatry, in a depression center, and in rehab and now I meet a single therapist (first as a private self-paying customer and now paid through healthcare). And it was a long road. And now I finally have someone who I trust, who I like and who really is super friendly to me. But still, my therapist has failures like everyone else... I mean: who can blame her? A crazy person like me LOL? Or you? She is a human being.

Do you expect that therapists are perfect???

I met a lot of people in the last 2 years. And most of them were complaining or whining.
"The rooms are too small, the beds not comfortable, no television, the other patients are crazy and dumb, the therapists are not here but on vacation, they don´t even listen to me, they don´t even try to understand my problems, they are dumb, they just don´t help me with my problems..."
and so on and so on...

I thought that this whining an complaining is a "German thing". But after being here in this forum for a while, I start to realize that this doesn´t depend on where you are from but who you are. There are just people who blame always others for their problems. And I can understand that because a lot of them have a small ego and want to protect it. It is really difficult to assume the responsibility for your own well being when you are depressed. Because some people think that this means to blame yourself... but that´s wrong. These are two different things.

What helps me is my therapy, yes! My therapist helps me, yes! But she helps me to help myself. I have to stand up every morning. I have to live my life. I have to make decisions. I have to think about my problems. I have to take actions. I have to be courageous.
I go to the gym. I meet my family. I try to talk (speak? poor English sorry...) to foreign people despite my anxiety. It´s not easy... but over the years it got easier.

My therapist is a very important person in my life. But not the only one. There are others. And I built up more things in my life that could help me.

But still, think about suicide and make plans on how to end my life, because it often sucks, I´m in pain and I hate so many people.

So: I don´t expect that I will ever have a life without any problems. Maybe your problem is that you can´t stop dreaming your childish and naive dreams!

The life punched you in the face. You are laying on the ground crying and you want to die. You made the first steps and seek help. Now it doesn´t work out for you. Maybe YOU should go to another therapist instead of over-generalize.


I hope that no one feels offended. I wish my English was better. I would like to tell you so much more.
Hope you will find a therapist who fits better with you and your needs.

My therapist is more for me, she´s more like a good friend.

You're one of those "tough talkers" ain't ya? The German Dr. Phil. Wow! You giving me the business really motivated me tonight! Just what I needed to hear. Supporting the right to end our imposition.....what a childish and nieve fantasy indeed! I have been miserable my entire life....got nobody to blame but myself. It's all my fault everybody! I'm not a happy shit shooting motherfucker well fuck me! Damn me to hell for not seeing enough therapists over the past 30 years. Now I understand that life is awesomesause. Thanks for waking me up dude! Brb gonna lift.

 

[NOISYMIND]

sarcastic or do you mean it?

Sorry if my English causes any misunderstanding. I just wanted to say it was nice that he helped his friend out. I wish I could had a friend like him. :(

 

[Slacker]

You're one of those "tough talkers" ain't ya?

putting a label on me...

much hate inside you. Sorry to hear that. Could you please stop being aggressive and talk respectfully with me?

Thank You

 

[Sayo]

I haven't tried because it's very difficult for me to be open up to a stranger. Plus spending money to find the right one doesn't seem to work for me because my family can't afford it and it's not covered by national insurance. It sort of blocked the way to get help from a therapist.

I'm genuinely really sorry to hear that. It's very unfair :/ If someone wants to commit to trying therapy, they ought to have access to. And socioeconomically a lot of people who need therapy are the ones who can't afford it!

Many therapists are at least trained pretty well in making people more at ease with talking. That did work on me over time. So I do think that part can be eased (and is an issue worth trying to overcome in itself - it sure is hard though). Some things are easier to talk about than others too - there are some things I dunno how to even explain to my therapist (or anyone), but we work up to those topics. But the financial side is rough if you can't find someone who does variable fees.

 

[worldexploder]

putting a label on me...

Oh sorry dude. I was probably just having another one of my nieve and childish fantasies again. Sometimes I mistake roasting someone for helping them.

 

[Slacker]

Sorry if my English causes any misunderstanding. I just wanted to say it was nice that he helped his friend out. I wish I could had a friend like him. :(

sorry too... I thought you referred to my post... you erased it, can´t check it now

 

[Slacker]

Oh sorry dude. I was probably just having another one of my nieve and childish fantasies again. Sometimes I mistake roasting someone for helping them.

Ok I understand. That was not ok. I want to apologize. I think I am as emotional as you with this topic because of my good experiences with my theraphy.

But I have met so many negative people just complaining all the time, that I just got a bit angry.
Sorry dude.

Didn't mean to offend you.
I don't know you nor your problems.
Just wanted to tell my opinion.

 

[worldexploder]

Ok I understand. That was not ok. I want to apologize. I think I am as emotional as you with this topic because of my good experiences with my theraphy.

But I have met so many negative people just complaining all the time, that I just got a bit angry.
Sorry dude.

Didn't mean to offend you.
I don't know you nor your problems.
Just wanted to tell my opinion.

Thank you. Apology accepted.

 

[NOISYMIND]

sorry too... I thought you referred to my post... you erased it, can´t check it now

Yeah I thought it wasn't appropriate to keep it there... It's fine now :)

 

[couldntthinkofaname]

yes, you are absolutely right. I start to realize now that my life is still shit and I was completely naive.
How could I just think that I can assess the result of my therapy on my own life better then some guy on the internet I don´t know LOL?

Fucking logic

 

[NOISYMIND]

I'm genuinely really sorry to hear that. It's very unfair :/ If someone wants to commit to trying therapy, they ought to have access to. And socioeconomically a lot of people who need therapy are the ones who can't afford it!

Many therapists are at least trained pretty well in making people more at ease with talking. That did work on me over time. So I do think that part can be eased (and is an issue worth trying to overcome in itself - it sure is hard though). Some things are easier to talk about than others too - there are some things I dunno how to even explain to my therapist (or anyone), but we work up to those topics. But the financial side is rough if you can't find someone who does variable fees.

Indeed that's a sad truth about being this so-called developed country...

 

[Slacker]

1. Maybe it's just naive to think that one foreign person can change your life...

2. Demanding such high standards to others but not to yourself is ...

3. Do you expect that therapists are perfect???

4. And I can understand that because a lot of them have a small ego and want to protect it.

5. I don´t expect that I will ever have a life without any problems. Maybe your problem is that you can´t stop dreaming your childish and naive dreams!

Ohh ... now I see...

Well... what you maybe don´t know is that I was really 1. naive in the beginning, had 2. high standards when it was about others, 3. expected perfect humans who would help me because I felt like a little piece of shit (what I still do sometimes), and I realized 4. that I have a really small ego (anxiety, socially isolated, weird) which I put a mask on (clown).5. I always dreamed subconscious about a perfect life to fill this deep empty hole inside of me and get over my frustration.

That was the cause of many of my problems (not all). But they led to being me hard to treat.

Just thought that others maybe have the same problem...
hope that shows you that I can be self-critic too makes my post less offensive

And something that I would never underestimate is always a bit of luck. If I haven´t met my therapist in rehab I think I wouldn´t be here today.

 

[throwaway123]

No.

 

[ThisIsTheEnd]

I don't know anyone, but I might get therapy. Probably won't though.

 

[okyeah]

Maybe it's just naive to think that one foreign person can change your life and personality to the better forever after you met him a few times?

Demanding such high standards to others but not to yourself is just ... hmmm, let's say a bit unfair isn't it?

I feel sorry for the people who live in a country without healthcare (yes Americans I mean you) so that they can't even afford to see a therapist or get poor by just doing so.

But even with healthcare, it´s not easy to get help. I met a few and talked to therapists in the psychiatry, in a depression center, and in rehab and now I meet a single therapist (first as a private self-paying customer and now paid through healthcare). And it was a long road. And now I finally have someone who I trust, who I like and who really is super friendly to me. But still, my therapist has failures like everyone else... I mean: who can blame her? A crazy person like me LOL? Or you? She is a human being.

Do you expect that therapists are perfect???

I met a lot of people in the last 2 years. And most of them were complaining or whining.
"The rooms are too small, the beds not comfortable, no television, the other patients are crazy and dumb, the therapists are not here but on vacation, they don´t even listen to me, they don´t even try to understand my problems, they are dumb, they just don´t help me with my problems..."
and so on and so on...

I thought that this whining an complaining is a "German thing". But after being here in this forum for a while, I start to realize that this doesn´t depend on where you are from but who you are. There are just people who blame always others for their problems. And I can understand that because a lot of them have a small ego and want to protect it. It is really difficult to assume the responsibility for your own well being when you are depressed. Because some people think that this means to blame yourself... but that´s wrong. These are two different things.

What helps me is my therapy, yes! My therapist helps me, yes! But she helps me to help myself. I have to stand up every morning. I have to live my life. I have to make decisions. I have to think about my problems. I have to take actions. I have to be courageous.
I go to the gym. I meet my family. I try to talk (speak? poor English sorry...) to foreign people despite my anxiety. It´s not easy... but over the years it got easier.

My therapist is a very important person in my life. But not the only one. There are others. And I built up more things in my life that could help me.

But still, think about suicide and make plans on how to end my life, because it often sucks, I´m in pain and I hate so many people.

So: I don´t expect that I will ever have a life without any problems. Maybe your problem is that you can´t stop dreaming your childish and naive dreams!

The life punched you in the face. You are laying on the ground crying and you want to die. You made the first steps and seek help. Now it doesn´t work out for you. Maybe YOU should go to another therapist instead of over-generalize.


I hope that no one feels offended. I wish my English was better. I would like to tell you so much more.
Hope you will find a therapist who fits better with you and your needs.

My therapist is more for me, she´s more like a good friend.

1. I am not naive enough to think it is my therapist's responsibility to change my life. I just go to one because it is the only "help" I can ever get.

2. I know the route to a supposed "good life" is to just keep your nose to the grindstone and basically keep smashing your head against the wall until you're lucky enough to find someone who loves you for it. No thanks.

3. I know enough about psychology to understand factors like early childhood and family life have affected my personality in unchangeable ways. You can't just "improve" your personality. For example - I am an only child born to a schizophrenic mother. In addition - I am mixed race. I have been ostracized/alienated from everything I have done. People like me well enough at a distance - however nobody wants to actually be my friend. I am like an alien on this planet. It has also made me a target for bullies.

4. I am not "crying" about anything. I have put in more work than 99% of people. In fact - I think that I am more in control of my life than ever because I am going to kill myself. People don't like it - but killing yourself is the ultimate form of taking control. It's just not a "positive" thing to do so it is frowned upon. I have determined my life is not a life worth living so therefore I am going to do what I want. I don't give a shit what society, my (shitty) parents, or my therapist thinks about it.

 

[Psychospazz91]

Not personally, no. Was forced to do this as a child due to my brothers diagnosed issues, Mom never tested me lol. It was stupid though. I don't want to talk about my deepest thoughts and feelings to a stranger who just sees me as a paycheck. Not that I think talking about it would change how the brain works anyway, and their drugs usually just make it worse. I learned what people wanted to hear at a young age, and created this amazing facade that 99% of people can't see through.

 

[Slacker]

but killing yourself is the ultimate form of taking control.

I felt more like the others made me do it and I felt like a victim when i tried to commit suicide. Every time. I don't need the ultimate form of taking control. I feel good enough when I have the power to change little things and then step by step change more difficult things. But it also calms me down to know that I could end it if I wanted to.

It seems that you have already made your choice.

But what I don't understand is that you write that your therapist is the only "help" that you can get but you give a shit about what he thinks. Which kind of help do you get? Medication?

 

[okyeah]

I felt more like the others made me do it and I felt like a victim when i tried to commit suicide. Every time. I don't need the ultimate form of taking control. I feel good enough when I have the power to change little things and then step by step change more difficult things. But it also calms me down to know that I could end it if I wanted to.

It seems that you have already made your choice.

But what I don't understand is that you write that your therapist is the only "help" that you can get but you give a shit about what he thinks. Which kind of help do you get? Medication?

I get where you're coming from. The fact is that I am a victim. It's okay - I don't judge it. I don't fight it anymore (I used to). I accept it and move on to what needs to be done, which is killing myself.

I have tried medication and it doesn't help. Just numbs you. Stops the anger. Makes you a good little citizen. That can be helpful for some people I guess. I have justified reasons to feel the way I do. I don't want to smash my head against the wall for years. Alone. By myself. I agree that many other people have good reasons to live and should keep trying.

 

[Rollo]

3. I know enough about psychology to understand factors like early childhood and family life have affected my personality in unchangeable ways. You can't just "improve" your personality. For example - I am an only child born to a schizophrenic mother. In addition - I am mixed race. I have been ostracized/alienated from everything I have done. People like me well enough at a distance - however nobody wants to actually be my friend. I am like an alien on this planet. It has also made me a target for bullies.

Whether or not you can improve your personality is a matter of opinion but before that you need to at least be aware of what exactly will constitute improvement in your personality. Your race sure can't be changed. Actions of other people towards you - like wanting to be your friend or not picking on you - are not part of your personality. And to me it's a false path to build your personality in order to be liked anyway. Yet when bully targets you it's only half because he doesn't like you. Half is you don't fight back so he knows he can get away with it. So you fighting back over not fighting back to me will be a clear improvement in personality. And that to me is achievable. It's just whether or not you want to achieve it in the first place.

 

[okyeah]

Whether or not you can improve your personality is a matter of opinion but before that you need to at least be aware of what exactly will constitute improvement in your personality. Your race sure can't be changed. Actions of other people towards you - like wanting to be your friend or not picking on you - are not part of your personality. And to me it's a false path to build your personality in order to be liked anyway. Yet when bully targets you it's only half because he doesn't like you. Half is you don't fight back so he knows he can get away with it. So you fighting back over not fighting back to me will be a clear improvement in personality. And that to me is achievable. It's just whether or not you want to achieve it in the first place.

Actually when you have been socially isolated periodically and uncontrollably (like I have) it does affect your social skills and personality. When your parents are incompetent (and have no friends themselves) it affects your personality negatively. I don't really care what others have to say about dealing with bullies. The fact that I am getting bullied in the first place is the problem. No one really has the answers. Just meaningless platitudes to help you keep smashing your head against the wall. To keep you alive to keep contributing to the economy. To pay your taxes. There is nothing beyond that. I refuse to be a cog in a capitalist machine. Especially when the machine doesn't accept me or like me.

Plus I am 25. I am beyond worrying about bullies. Maybe when I was 8 it would have been helpful to learn to fight back.

 

[Rollo]

Actually when you have been socially isolated periodically and uncontrollably (like I have) it does affect your social skills and personality. When your parents are incompetent (and have no friends themselves) it affects your personality negatively. I don't really care what others have to say about dealing with bullies. The fact that I am getting bullied in the first place is the problem. No one really has the answers. Just meaningless platitudes to help you keep smashing your head against the wall. To keep you alive to keep contributing to the economy. To pay your taxes. There is nothing beyond that. I refuse to be a cog in a capitalist machine. Especially when the machine doesn't accept me or like me.

Plus I am 25. I am beyond worrying about bullies. Maybe when I was 8 it would have been helpful to learn to fight back.

But it doesn't matter how you came to this point. What affected your personality. Whatever affected it, affected it to the point of you deciding not to fight back against bullies. And that's why you're getting bullied in the first place. It's not really about learning to fight back - rather it's about choosing. If you mean the problem is that there's something about you they don't like then yeah you may try to change that but that won't stop bullying in general. Cause some just like bullying and the mere fact that you don't stand up for yourself is a reason enough. Others will bully you for things you can't change like your race or looks.

Sure being 25 is easier but that doesn't mean bullying stops. Every human being you come across can put you down if you're not ready to defend yourself. And many will. It's just how it is. When you can defend yourself you don't have to filter everything you say. Basically you can say what you want and do what you want. You can actually start enjoying life. So it's by no means a meaningless platitude.

 

[okyeah]

But it doesn't matter how you came to this point. What affected your personality. Whatever affected it, affected it to the point of you deciding not to fight back against bullies. And that's why you're getting bullied in the first place. It's not really about learning to fight back - rather it's about choosing. If you mean the problem is that there's something about you they don't like then yeah you may try to change that but that won't stop bullying in general. Cause some just like bullying and the mere fact that you don't stand up for yourself is a reason enough. Others will bully you for things you can't change like your race or looks.

Sure being 25 is easier but that doesn't mean bullying stops. Every human being you come across can put you down if you're not ready to defend yourself. And many will. It's just how it is. When you can defend yourself you don't have to filter everything you say. Basically you can say what you want and do what you want. You can actually start enjoying life. So it's by no means a meaningless platitude.

No I cannot be myself because who I am is cringeworthy. I've tried to be myself and it's backfired many times. And unfortunately, what has happened to you in the past up to this point DOES affect all of it. I have to filter everything I say because who I naturally am is not attractive in any way. It's hard for some people to understand but that's the truth. Besides, hurting others makes me feel uncomfortable so I just avoid it. I don't care if that makes me passive or weak or whatever. It's how I was raised and it was wrong. Plus hurting others will only put me in jeopardy of losing my job or social acceptability etc.

Maybe if people were more like me this world wouldn't be a shithole?

 

[Rollo]

No I cannot be myself because who I am is cringeworthy. I've tried to be myself and it's backfired many times. And unfortunately, what has happened to you in the past up to this point DOES affect all of it. I have to filter everything I say because who I naturally am is not attractive in any way. It's hard for some people to understand but that's the truth. Besides, hurting others makes me feel uncomfortable so I just avoid it. I don't care if that makes me passive or weak or whatever. It's how I was raised and it was wrong. Plus hurting others will only put me in jeopardy of losing my job or social acceptability etc.

Maybe if people were more like me this world wouldn't be a shithole?

So who are you yourself, if I may? Now I know for a fact that a mere disagreement with all types of bullshit people believe in is enough for them to start not liking you and getting aggressive with you. So you will have to filter what you honestly believe in regardles of whether you yourself consider it cringeworthy or not. And if you do consider it cringeworthy - it's between you and you. I mean if some of your behaviours or thoughts are cringeworthy to you - why are you acting like it in the first place?

So basically you strongly believe in not defending yourself? I mean why it's so uncomfortable for you to hurt others in self-defence? Is it that you love those who bully you so much? You believe their well-being is of utmost importance? You defending yourself will never put your social acceptability in danger. Not that I personally believe you should strive for acceptance in the first place, but still. And even if it did put your job and social acceptanility in danger - it's a small price to pay really given the prize. It's not about trying to look not passive or strong or in some other way trying to look cool. It's about the basic requirement for life being anything but torture. And besides I personally would rather go into torture then allow anyone to put me down.

 

[okyeah]

So who are you yourself, if I may? Now I know for a fact that a mere disagreement with all types of bullshit people believe in is enough for them to start not liking you and getting aggressive with you. So you will have to filter what you honestly believe in regardles of whether you yourself consider it cringeworthy or not. And if you do consider it cringeworthy - it's between you and you. I mean if some of your behaviours or thoughts are cringeworthy to you - why are you acting like it in the first place?

So basically you strongly believe in not defending yourself? I mean why it's so uncomfortable for you to hurt others in self-defence? Is it that you love those who bully you so much? You believe their well-being is of utmost importance? You defending yourself will never put your social acceptability in danger. Not that I personally believe you should strive for acceptance in the first place, but still. And even if it did put your job and social acceptanility in danger - it's a small price to pay really given the prize.

When someone is acting "natural" and "genuine" they are not constantly thinking about how they are acting. When I don't think about how I am acting --> It is cringeworthy. Namely being overly enthusiastic or excited about things. I guess they are things that make me look like a man-child which I get.

I don't like people who bully me. It's that most of the time it's people who think they can get away with it. They have higher social status or whatever. Recently some bitch at my work tried to bully me so I just told my boss who took care of it. I felt okay doing it because no one liked her. But she was my superior so I had to tolerate it longer than I should have. Also I cannot actually say what I want in self-defense because if I did - it would scare people. It makes me look evil and crazy. Which I probably am lol.

I appreciate u trying to discuss this but trust me when I say it is hopeless.

 

[Rollo]

When someone is acting "natural" and "genuine" they are not constantly thinking about how they are acting. When I don't think about how I am acting --> It is cringeworthy. Namely being overly enthusiastic or excited about things. I guess they are things that make me look like a man-child which I get.

I don't like people who bully me. It's that most of the time it's people who think they can get away with it. They have higher social status or whatever. Recently some bitch at my work tried to bully me so I just told my boss who took care of it. I felt okay doing it because no one liked her. But she was my superior so I had to tolerate it longer than I should have. Also I cannot actually say what I want in self-defense because if I did - it would scare people. It makes me look evil and crazy. Which I probably am lol.

I appreciate u trying to discuss this but trust me when I say it is hopeless.

If you don't like people who bully you - how come it's uncomfortable for you to hurt them? It's not about assaulting everyone who even slightly disrespects you. But it IS about disrespecting them back and ultimately being ready to back up your words with them hurting actions if you're assaulted.

Still maybe it's that you're being fearfull to defend yourself, scared that you may loose the fight?

And why is it exactly that you believe being overly excited is cringeworthy to the point of you sacrificing your whole being just to not let this one slip? And how you know your enthusiasm is "overly"?

It seems you hold how you feel others see you in utmost sanctity. You say how you don't act natural cause 'it makes you look like a man child'. How you felt ok to do something against that bitch who bullied you (told your boss) only cause 'no one like her'. And that you don't physically defend yourself because others may see you as 'evil and crazy'. I mean is it a deep held belief you have that other peoples feelings should dictate the most intimate and profound aspects of your life? Are you entirely sure it's the right path to take?

 

[okyeah]

If you don't like people who bully you - how come it's uncomfortable for you to hurt them? It's not about assaulting everyone who even slightly disrespects you. But it IS about disrespecting them back and ultimately being ready to back up your words with them hurting actions if you're assaulted.

Still maybe it's that you're being fearfull to defend yourself, scared that you may loose the fight?

And why is it exactly that you believe being overly excited is cringeworthy to the point of you sacrificing your whole being just to not let this one slip? And how you know your enthusiasm is "overly"?

It seems you hold how you feel others see you in utmost sanctity. You say how you don't act natural cause 'it makes you look like a man child'. How you felt ok to do something against that bitch who bullied you (told your boss) only cause 'no one like her'. And that you don't physically defend yourself because others may see you as 'evil and crazy'. I mean is it a deep held belief you have that other peoples feelings should dictate the most intimate and profound aspects of your life? Are you entirely sure it's the right path to take?

I mean when it comes down to it - I've been myself my whole life and it hasn't worked out lol. You're overcomplicating this a little bit. Everyone wishes they could be well liked and popular and the top of the social ladder. Everyone cares what other ppl think whether they want to admit it or not.

If I didn't care what others thought I'd be obese and an alcoholic.

 

[Rollo]

I mean when it comes down to it - I've been myself my whole life and it hasn't worked out lol. You're overcomplicating this a little bit. Everyone wishes they could be well liked and popular and the top of the social ladder. Everyone cares what other ppl think whether they want to admit it or not.

If I didn't care what others thought I'd be obese and an alcoholic.

Well I for one don't care what others think and I don't care if they like me. I mean sure if you hold AK47 to my head then I will out of my own security take your feelings into account but ultimately I don't really care - I just act in my interest. But the way you care - I don't. I act out of my needs. If you like me or think positive of me - you're my friend and warrant favourable attitude. If you don't - you're my foe and warrant something far less. But I will never allow your feelings to define me in any way.

And I assure you that's more or less how everyone acts whether they will admit it or not. At least everyone who's not on a a brink of suicide due to mental issues. Just ask anyone if they would defend themselves if infringed upon. And if they answer affirmatively ask them 'but it's so mean and evil, don't you want to be softer with those who bully you'? See how they answer.

It's not a fact that you would be obese or alcoholic if that's not ultimately what you want. But even if you would - don't you think it's better to be obese and alcoholic than allow others to dictate your life? Basically not being free in your decisions.

Caring what others think and being yourself - are two opposites. So what didn't work is actually you caring what they think, not you being yourself. Being yourself means you don't care about it.