Even when I feel a little "better" I still want ctb

[Ravel]

I know this feeling is temporary, it's not that I'm happy it's just that I'm not feeling that terrible sadness, despair or anguish. I can enjoy a good song or a book. But I know that feeling will return soon. My life is about to get worse very soon. The point is even when I'm fine I still want ctb. There are things I appreciate in this life but it's not enough to convince me to stay in this sick world. I just don't want to live in this chaotic, competitive, selfish and materialistic world. This feeling of not belonging to this world has been part of me since forever

 

[Againstthewind]

Sorry you are feeling this way, people always say 'try and find the smallest thing to enjoy, you gotta motivate yourself to do it, then you can do other things' But what if I dont want to? Like, my mind is telling me that I don't want to do anything. Those small things that we enjoy can only be temporary, it doesn't fix our greater problem. Wishing you some sort of peace.

 

[annique]

I know this feeling is temporary, it's not that I'm happy it's just that I'm not feeling that terrible sadness, despair or anguish. I can enjoy a good song or a book. But I know that feeling will return soon. My life is about to get worse very soon. The point is even when I'm fine I still want ctb. There are things I appreciate in this life but it's not enough to convince me to stay in this sick world. I just don't want to live in this chaotic, competitive, selfish and materialistic world. This feeling of not belonging to this world has been part of me since forever

I feel you. Now and then, I have good feelings, but they go away very quickly and the sadness comes back right after. I feel that, even if I come to experience the same amount of good feelings as I do bad ones, bad feelings weigh more in the scale.

I feel like I'm always on the verge of coming across a new suffering that lurks around me, even when things around me don't seem to be as bad as they usually are.

 

[outrider567]

I know this feeling is temporary, it's not that I'm happy it's just that I'm not feeling that terrible sadness, despair or anguish. I can enjoy a good song or a book. But I know that feeling will return soon. My life is about to get worse very soon. The point is even when I'm fine I still want ctb. There are things I appreciate in this life but it's not enough to convince me to stay in this sick world. I just don't want to live in this chaotic, competitive, selfish and materialistic world. This feeling of not belonging to this world has been part of me since forever

'Enjoy a good song', music ceased to exist for me as of January---Deleted my long running Soundcloud account along with the 100 songs I found last 5 years

 

[FuneralCry]

It is such a cruel and horrible world after all, and to me wanting to die is perfectly rational. In my case I could never not be suicidal, and I want nothing to do with this world. Your feelings are understandable. I never have any relief from the negative feelings, but even if I did I know that they would only be a brief distraction from the endless misery that is life.

 

[Floofy Clouds]

As others have said, distractions are just that - temporary minor distractions only.

If the fundamentals of your life haven't changed, or your feelings about CBT are the same, moments of pleasure or comfort probably aren't going to change much. Sorry if I'm stating the obvious.

But I do believe in taking comfort wherever we can get it. It's why we're all on this forum after all (aside from practical information gathering).

Back when I was severely depressed, I absolutely couldn't stand music. It had way too much life and too much heart. Same thing with the new season of spring and spring flowers. Unbearable. I totally understand why most people top themselves in springtime (not around Christmas as a lot of people assume).

I'm very sorry you're feeling this way, from one stranger to another.

 

[Hurt]

Same happens to me. I was feeling better and then WTF is wrong I want to kms and here I am again :)

 

[adventurer]

I know this feeling is temporary, it's not that I'm happy it's just that I'm not feeling that terrible sadness, despair or anguish. I can enjoy a good song or a book. But I know that feeling will return soon. My life is about to get worse very soon. The point is even when I'm fine I still want ctb. There are things I appreciate in this life but it's not enough to convince me to stay in this sick world. I just don't want to live in this chaotic, competitive, selfish and materialistic world. This feeling of not belonging to this world has been part of me since forever

being fine to someone who feels like we do doesn't necessarily mean feeling good or happy. sometimes it's just being slightly less miserable, enough that you can feel that appreciation for good things or enjoying said song or book.

 

[8evergo]

Taking into account I have now death created a death account once my score reaches 666 I will do it whether I feel good about it or not

anyone can create one there

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/free-death-account.94709/

 

[Orange010]

This. It's always going to get worse