Even this website offers no relief from this cruel world

[FuneralCry]

I know that at this point nothing in this life brings me relief. There really isn't anything here for me in this world and everything just makes me feel more tired. For me personally feeling alone isn't a really negative thing, feeling alone is all that I have known and I would rather be alone but even being on here makes me aware of how alone I am. I've never been able to relate to people at all and I've never really wanted to but sometimes being on here reminds me of why I want to leave. I just feel so disconnected from a lot of the things on here.

Sometimes it doesn't even feel like a forum full of suicidal people when you see people joking about the subject, making light of it, joking about things in general and seemingly actually enjoying life which is strange and to me feels like it doesn't belong on a forum full of people's final goodbyes to the world. Loads of the threads in the main forum often don't seem to be relating to suicide. Anything positive relating to life at all just irritates me. Sometimes this website even feels like social media in many ways. As well as that it's not free from the things that annoy me such as gatekeeping suicide, 'your reasons to die are insignificant' type stuff and 'young people shouldn't ctb'. It really irritates me the whole 'early 20s are so young' type thing, I feel really old and tired even know I'm 21, I don't feel young. So this website isn't free from pro lifers and invalidating posts even know it's meant to be pro choice. Suicide really doesn't need a reason, it's a personal decision.

It's annoying when people invalidate suffering as they don't understand what the other person is going through. We never asked to be here after all, so why should dying even need a reason. Those who just come on here for methods and go are really lucky. I just feel as though as long as people are anywhere something will irritate me. The way that people behave often makes me want to leave this world even more.

Nowhere in life is free from the cruelty of people and I know that I never belonged in this world. Sometimes human interaction just leads to more pain and I'm glad that I never feel lonely. I view life as being such a burden, something really horrible and bad. The things that many others wish for in life don't appeal to me. I do feel very alone in such a pro life world. Only death would bring relief.

 

[notlongnow]

Some choose humour in times of need (me). Never feel that's invalidating your issues and reasoning for being here.

Where ever you see a glimmer of enjoyment, latch onto it for all its worth! You deserve it!!

 

[GreenTree]

Your the main poster in this forum. If you left it would be horrible.

 

[Shikamaru]

Some peoples decision to CTB isn't something they're depressed about / are pleased with their decision.
Some people are elderly / have an illness so choosing to end things on their own terms. Idk it's the internet you can't expect everyone to feel the same as you. And it would be a pretty shitty forum if it was all just doom and gloom

 

[IWillSmileWhenIDie]

I can relate to you a lot. Hope you feel better and find relief FuneralCry.

This existence has become a nightmare to me, my mental state is hurting so much and a lot of times I wish I stopped existing. Even if there's some joy to find, and there is definetly I don't find it worth it at all currently.
Much like I think not existing in the first place would be the best for me same is not existing from now, future me can be considered as an unborn person and it applies in my mind, the person existing is current me who is suffering and it is current me who has the right to make the choice to even potencially substract joy and pleasure life and whatever from my future potential by suicide.
I also empathize with other species suffering not just talking primates, they're treated like objects cause guess what people just wanna fullfill desires and insticts as with all animals and if they have the power they will even agaist others will, that is a rule of life.
All in all this rambling after a crisis I had today has to end...the situation not being able to die when you want how you want is so frustrating and enraging cause of other peoples interests.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

It's annoying when people invalidate suffering as they don't understand what the other person is going through. We never asked to be here after all, so why should dying even need a reason. Those who just come on here for methods and go are really lucky. I just feel as though as long as people are anywhere something will irritate me. The way that people behave often makes me want to leave this world even more.

I wish you could find solace or anything that would make your suffering less until you can ctb. You don't deserve to suffer at all, you never asked to be brought and kept in this world.

I don't really know what to say but I wish I did. I think there are always exception to rules, so there's no such thing as too young to die. You are right that nobody knows each others experiences. I hope you don't feel invalidated.

I wish I could create a AI that would be able to hear your words and respond to you, people are all flawed, kinda selfish and make mistakes sometimes. I stay away from people too often, as it can make things worse. Loneliness for myself makes it hard to stay away.

 

[Tired_again]

I'm pretty new to this site so I can't relate to your opinions on this site just yet over the different types of people here. I do agree with you when you said that you find it aggravating when people invalidate suffering. My parents have absolutely no idea how depressed I have been over the last 6-8 years and I definitely haven't been vocal with them and I guess that's sorta my fault because I always keep problems to myself. 2 years ago after getting help and attending weekly therapy sessions over a course of a couple of months my parents assumed I was better now as if it just disappeared.

Now writing this I realized that I've never really explained how I feel to my parents. I think I have always felt like they would never understand nor can they relate cause they are foreign. The conversation never flows when I talk to them and often they aren't much help.

But overall life isn't really appealing to me either especially since we are all gonna die anyway and will be forgotten in 100 years. I didn't want kids anyway. Why endure any duration of suffering no matter how small. I feel like I'm alive for other people's sake and not my own.

I just had to vent this wasn't too related to your post.

 

[Leiden]

I know that at this point nothing in this life brings me relief. There really isn't anything here for me in this world and everything just makes me feel more tired. For me personally feeling alone isn't a really negative thing, feeling alone is all that I have known and I would rather be alone but even being on here makes me aware of how alone I am. I've never been able to relate to people at all and I've never really wanted to but sometimes being on here reminds me of why I want to leave. I just feel so disconnected from a lot of the things on here.

Sometimes it doesn't even feel like a forum full of suicidal people when you see people joking about the subject, making light of it, joking about things in general and seemingly actually enjoying life which is strange and to me feels like it doesn't belong on a forum full of people's final goodbyes to the world. Loads of the threads in the main forum often don't seem to be relating to suicide. Anything positive relating to life at all just irritates me. Sometimes this website even feels like social media in many ways. As well as that it's not free from the things that annoy me such as gatekeeping suicide, 'your reasons to die are insignificant' type stuff and 'young people shouldn't ctb'. It really irritates me the whole 'early 20s are so young' type thing, I feel really old and tired even know I'm 21, I don't feel young. So this website isn't free from pro lifers and invalidating posts even know it's meant to be pro choice. Suicide really doesn't need a reason, it's a personal decision.

It's annoying when people invalidate suffering as they don't understand what the other person is going through. We never asked to be here after all, so why should dying even need a reason. Those who just come on here for methods and go are really lucky. I just feel as though as long as people are anywhere something will irritate me. The way that people behave often makes me want to leave this world even more.

Nowhere in life is free from the cruelty of people and I know that I never belonged in this world. Sometimes human interaction just leads to more pain and I'm glad that I never feel lonely. I view life as being such a burden, something really horrible and bad. The things that many others wish for in life don't appeal to me. I do feel very alone in such a pro life world. Only death would bring relief.

How do you keep going on everyday living? I don't do a good job of it, like, at all. I barely make it through everyday and I suffer so much through it. How do you keep going? For whatever our reasons, we are still here. How will you go on? I don't know how I will. I truly do not know how im going to make it through tonight, tomorrow, for how ever long. I just don't know.

 

[WonderingSoul]

Man I feel this post so much. I don't know if it's because I haven't been back here in a while, but it really just doesn't feel the same since the first time I came here. It's kind of starting to feel like anywhere else on the internet, which sucks because I always liked relating and talking to others about their struggles so I don't feel alone. I'm not trying to be negative, but I really do hope I find another place on the internet that had the same kind energy this place when I joined or when I lurked a few years ago. I'm really glad you posted this.

 

[CTB Dream]

Humans cruel keep fight other gqtekeep do horrible thing nowhere safe human biology bad program that why everywhere misunderstanding fighting gatekeeping everyone try compete ignore others suffering

 

[odradek]

I know that at this point nothing in this life brings me relief. There really isn't anything here for me in this world and everything just makes me feel more tired. For me personally feeling alone isn't a really negative thing, feeling alone is all that I have known and I would rather be alone but even being on here makes me aware of how alone I am. I've never been able to relate to people at all and I've never really wanted to but sometimes being on here reminds me of why I want to leave. I just feel so disconnected from a lot of the things on here.

Sometimes it doesn't even feel like a forum full of suicidal people when you see people joking about the subject, making light of it, joking about things in general and seemingly actually enjoying life which is strange and to me feels like it doesn't belong on a forum full of people's final goodbyes to the world. Loads of the threads in the main forum often don't seem to be relating to suicide. Anything positive relating to life at all just irritates me. Sometimes this website even feels like social media in many ways. As well as that it's not free from the things that annoy me such as gatekeeping suicide, 'your reasons to die are insignificant' type stuff and 'young people shouldn't ctb'. It really irritates me the whole 'early 20s are so young' type thing, I feel really old and tired even know I'm 21, I don't feel young. So this website isn't free from pro lifers and invalidating posts even know it's meant to be pro choice. Suicide really doesn't need a reason, it's a personal decision.

It's annoying when people invalidate suffering as they don't understand what the other person is going through. We never asked to be here after all, so why should dying even need a reason. Those who just come on here for methods and go are really lucky. I just feel as though as long as people are anywhere something will irritate me. The way that people behave often makes me want to leave this world even more.

Nowhere in life is free from the cruelty of people and I know that I never belonged in this world. Sometimes human interaction just leads to more pain and I'm glad that I never feel lonely. I view life as being such a burden, something really horrible and bad. The things that many others wish for in life don't appeal to me. I do feel very alone in such a pro life world. Only death would bring relief.

I think some find comfort in humour or being able to enjoy things during the rare times they're able to. There is no textbook definition for what constitutes being suicidal. Suicide doesn't discriminate, unfortunately like the rest of society, the suicidal do. This website is still a reflection of humanity, warts included.

Some could find this post invalidating because of how narrowly you define who is or is not suicidal. If you don't understand how someone can laugh or make jokes and still be suicidal that's unfortunate but it's their life, their truth. In your crusade against those who would invalidate you, take care not to become what you disliked in the first place. Gatekeeping works in more than one way.

 

[Obliviate]

It's insane how we were really forced into this world without our consent and now have to struggle to breathe. Pro lifers are so fucking annoying with their "I promise it get's better" Just because YOU had a struck of luck becoming famous off tik tok doesn't mean you can just close your eyes to the brutality. Life is not "beautiful". It's always filled with suffering and always will be.

 

[Littlewittlelight]

I'm pretty new to this site so I can't relate to your opinions on this site just yet over the different types of people here. I do agree with you when you said that you find it aggravating when people invalidate suffering. My parents have absolutely no idea how depressed I have been over the last 6-8 years and I definitely haven't been vocal with them and I guess that's sorta my fault because I always keep problems to myself. 2 years ago after getting help and attending weekly therapy sessions over a course of a couple of months my parents assumed I was better now as if it just disappeared.

Now writing this I realized that I've never really explained how I feel to my parents. I think I have always felt like they would never understand nor can they relate cause they are foreign. The conversation never flows when I talk to them and often they aren't much help.

But overall life isn't really appealing to me either especially since we are all gonna die anyway and will be forgotten in 100 years. I didn't want kids anyway. Why endure any duration of suffering no matter how small. I feel like I'm alive for other people's sake and not my own.

I just had to vent this wasn't too related to your post.

This is half my situation I couldn't open up I went to therapy and got tired they wanted me to do more things. I would rather stay here and try my own things later in the year which helped but I always felt someone is going to judge me or what I saw people around me I can't open up to them I know my mother has always been someone who binded us and keeps me sane but I am getting tired of being a burden now because I can't share my problems and I can't tell why I am like this either so I blame myself which is right but I haven't been able to open up and my mother insisted to go to therapy every other week since last year and ask if everything is okay but I could never even tell that I have cried or I am hurt I learnt to bottle it up inside. she didn't teach me to hide it that's what hurts I can't know where it came from.

 

[Astral Storm]

I seriously love your posts. I can always relate to it. I feel totally disconnected as well. I am like a complete stranger to this place but I still keep up appearances. I find positive things to be a coping mechanism when it comes to the nature of life which means billion years of continous and repeating torment. I can't find this condition justifiable in any way. Life is truly a horrible thing and death feels like salvation compared to this.

 

[theresonlyonewayout]

I agree with the post above, this message in itself is invalidating. Just because my coping mechanism is to make a joke out of everything to defuse some pretty horrific situations, doesn't mean I'm any less suicidal than the next person. I've come to terms with it, I know it will happen. I no longer have the termoil than comes with making the decision. People see a smile, a joke and a laugh and take comfort from it. If I can do that for people then I'm happy with that. Plus people just assume I'm happy and not going to ctb because I'm joking about it. It's great for staying free.

I, in no way wish to invalidate other peoples feelings with my humour but equally, it's who I am.

Robin Williams once said something along the lines of all it takes is a beautiful smile to hide how broken you really are and it's the saddest that try to make people laugh because they know what it's like to feel worthless and they don't want anyone else to feel like that.

I've been lurking on this site for about the last 3 years - it has change a lot. There was more humour back then.

 

[makethepainstop]

I have to agree, every day people are raped, killed, hurt, and exploited..........and those pro-life tards want to tell us things will get better! I have been hearing that lie since I was five. Guess what things did NOT BETTER EVER! So when some idiot tells me that it will get better, I laugh in their face!

 

[freedompass]

Dark humour is the funniest. There is a rich tradition of suicidal humour on the internet going back to the days of Ash (alternative suicide holiday). Personally I am all for it and would love to see more.

There is a great deal of weeping and wailing here as well and clearly many, myself included, come here to rant, vent, let off steam and express 'negative' emotions and thoughts that may be unacceptable elsewhere.

Regarding younger people and 'gatekeeping'. What is the alternative? Validating what may legitimately be an impulsive decision to die over a breakup or suchlike? Do you think our replies and comments will have no effect? Is it so terrible to weigh up a person's post and offer an honest reflection or opinion?

I'm sorry this place is making you unhappy @FuneralCry. The irony is that you probably spend the most time here of any of us judging from your post count. I think the watchword here should be tolerating differences and 'live and let live'. Or die as the case may be.

 

[universe]

I know that at this point nothing in this life brings me relief. There really isn't anything here for me in this world and everything just makes me feel more tired. For me personally feeling alone isn't a really negative thing, feeling alone is all that I have known and I would rather be alone but even being on here makes me aware of how alone I am. I've never been able to relate to people at all and I've never really wanted to but sometimes being on here reminds me of why I want to leave. I just feel so disconnected from a lot of the things on here.

Sometimes it doesn't even feel like a forum full of suicidal people when you see people joking about the subject, making light of it, joking about things in general and seemingly actually enjoying life which is strange and to me feels like it doesn't belong on a forum full of people's final goodbyes to the world. Loads of the threads in the main forum often don't seem to be relating to suicide. Anything positive relating to life at all just irritates me. Sometimes this website even feels like social media in many ways. As well as that it's not free from the things that annoy me such as gatekeeping suicide, 'your reasons to die are insignificant' type stuff and 'young people shouldn't ctb'. It really irritates me the whole 'early 20s are so young' type thing, I feel really old and tired even know I'm 21, I don't feel young. So this website isn't free from pro lifers and invalidating posts even know it's meant to be pro choice. Suicide really doesn't need a reason, it's a personal decision.

It's annoying when people invalidate suffering as they don't understand what the other person is going through. We never asked to be here after all, so why should dying even need a reason. Those who just come on here for methods and go are really lucky. I just feel as though as long as people are anywhere something will irritate me. The way that people behave often makes me want to leave this world even more.

Nowhere in life is free from the cruelty of people and I know that I never belonged in this world. Sometimes human interaction just leads to more pain and I'm glad that I never feel lonely. I view life as being such a burden, something really horrible and bad. The things that many others wish for in life don't appeal to me. I do feel very alone in such a pro life world. Only death would bring relief.

I noticed that too. Messages of the style: and do not forget that there is always worse than you. It is youth, you are master of your life, you are not obliged to live in this way. or still el famoso " take up yoga/meditation. Already in all of society, our thoughts are invalidated, we are not considered. But there are even such people here on this forum. I wonder if they are not impostors, pro-lifers who do not encounter our difficulties and who allow themselves these words to "make us change".

These people can't even imagine what a young person can go through. This reflects the lack of empathy and understanding all over the world, life. Courage to all, whoever you are, in this horrible concept that is life.

 

[freedompass]

I noticed that too. Messages of the style: and do not forget that there is always worse than you. It is youth, you are master of your life, you are not obliged to live in this way. or still el famoso " take up yoga/meditation. Already in all of society, our thoughts are invalidated, we are not considered. But there are even such people here on this forum. I wonder if they are not impostors, pro-lifers who do not encounter our difficulties and who allow themselves these words to "make us change".

These people can't even imagine what a young person can go through. This reflects the lack of empathy and understanding all over the world, life. Courage to all, whoever you are, in this horrible concept that is life.

The incontrovertible fact that there may be 'imposters' on the forum does not in my opinion change its overall ethos of pro choice and being a safe place to freely discuss suicidal ideation. I personally haven't seen too much platitudinous 'positivity', where it does appear it won't tend to be well received. Most people will shy away from saying anything 'controversial' as it is easy to be misinterpreted and possibly get called a prolifer lol.

 

[brokensea]

I see this group as pro choice not pro suicide.

If someone is clearly conflicted about ctb, is having suicidal thoughts over a fixable incident or something that may pass for them in time and they say they aren't sure about committing suicide but come on a suicide discussion to share that then it doesn't seem to make a lot of sense to encourage them to end it all.

Some people can come on here and vent. Their difficult time may pass and they can move into a different place. Suicide isn't the answer for everyone. Even if you think life sucks so much everyone on the planet should just go commit suicide that's not the answer for everyone and some people can find a life they want to live.

I don't have any reasons I feel worth living for but that doesn't mean a 16 year old going through their first break up who's uncertain about suicide might not have a life they might enjoy someday.

If someone wants to only read about methods and goodbye posts then they certainly can. They never need to click on any other posts.

But we on here are all suicidal and depressed and to varying degrees and expressions of that. You can have a good day and go kill yourself next week. Some people never have good days. Some people are so isolated and alone this is the only place they can vent and talk in. Maybe it helps them feel less alone even if they ultimately CTB maybe at least they found some comfort before that time came here.

Everyone uses the forum for different things and it's called suicide discussion not method discussion, goodbye posts it's a discussion of any and all things related to suicide. Why we want to commit suicide and everything we feel and our reasons, thoughts ideas on why we feel this way.

I don't think we should shut that down like the rest of the world already has to us. It's like saying people who are dying should find a method, write a goodbye post and be done with it. That people who may die can't even share anything of their life or feelings with other people before they go. It seemingly treats them as shitty as the world is already treating them.

 

[Hollowillow]

I know that at this point nothing in this life brings me relief. There really isn't anything here for me in this world and everything just makes me feel more tired. For me personally feeling alone isn't a really negative thing, feeling alone is all that I have known and I would rather be alone but even being on here makes me aware of how alone I am. I've never been able to relate to people at all and I've never really wanted to but sometimes being on here reminds me of why I want to leave. I just feel so disconnected from a lot of the things on here.

Sometimes it doesn't even feel like a forum full of suicidal people when you see people joking about the subject, making light of it, joking about things in general and seemingly actually enjoying life which is strange and to me feels like it doesn't belong on a forum full of people's final goodbyes to the world. Loads of the threads in the main forum often don't seem to be relating to suicide. Anything positive relating to life at all just irritates me. Sometimes this website even feels like social media in many ways. As well as that it's not free from the things that annoy me such as gatekeeping suicide, 'your reasons to die are insignificant' type stuff and 'young people shouldn't ctb'. It really irritates me the whole 'early 20s are so young' type thing, I feel really old and tired even know I'm 21, I don't feel young. So this website isn't free from pro lifers and invalidating posts even know it's meant to be pro choice. Suicide really doesn't need a reason, it's a personal decision.

It's annoying when people invalidate suffering as they don't understand what the other person is going through. We never asked to be here after all, so why should dying even need a reason. Those who just come on here for methods and go are really lucky. I just feel as though as long as people are anywhere something will irritate me. The way that people behave often makes me want to leave this world even more.

Nowhere in life is free from the cruelty of people and I know that I never belonged in this world. Sometimes human interaction just leads to more pain and I'm glad that I never feel lonely. I view life as being such a burden, something really horrible and bad. The things that many others wish for in life don't appeal to me. I do feel very alone in such a pro life world. Only death would bring relief.

And yet... You reach out *takes your hand gently* I think of you as a friend.

Of course not all posts are the best, but this is my happy place, because I don't have to be happy.

Do you know the yin yang symbol. I used to see things in black & white. But that symbol says that there is negative in positive, positive in negative... And both are part of everything... I am pro murder but sometimes I will encourage someone to live. To reach what they truly want... Instead to flee.

Yes society is cruel but I haven't seen a drop of cruelty in here. People received it & shared the story, but their heart was kind.

I just saw the movie Luck. Bad luck was seen as a curse. But it inspired her ingenuity. It helped people get out of their comfort zone and meet greater opportunities in the end.

Bad stuff doesn't just happen to good people... It make them good. It teaches empathy & compassion.

There is good... In bad.

This website is about murdering ourselves... Agony... Torment...

But look... *Still holding your hand* you're not alone anymore.

I think you're right about life... But you're only looking at the Yin of life... I hope that you'll notice the little white dot... That precious spark made more valuable in the darkness. Each other. This is why people share memes & laugh here, I posted comics, even though I made 3 attempts this week...

And there are people who seem to have all the Yang... But they're still here wishing to die... That little black dot ruined everything for them. Because to have it all requires too much energy, they're burned out to death & their heart is all black behind the happy exterior... Black to the core... They can't enjoy their achievements because it cost them their health & their very selves to get it...

The way you describe life in the darkest putch black way... Is with the most beautiful poetic words... Such a soft and gentle melancholy... The sorrow of someone drowning in the abyss, probably from trauma, unable to see the light above, and the light burns...

*I step deeper into the abyss, walking in water darker than ink, rippling with an echo through emptiness*

I'm here with you. In a way... It makes even the darkest black the purest white. All you have to do is value it. A tiny grain... Shiny of of black sand... Tiny but yours. Black but it's your home. So even the hurt is comforting. Because it helps you bond with the other people in the abyss. Even if you don't notice it. Maybe this is why you come back, why you're still here instead to ctb nonstop all day... Because waiting for the bus with us feels good, feels alive. It's the darkest black... But also have the most beautiful sparks. Like fireflies. Disgusting bugs... But making their own light even in the darkest night, because they're happy to be together.

We are fireflies. And you shine brightly to me. I'm fond of you.

Your the main poster in this forum. If you left it would be horrible.

Wow over 14 000 posts!? And they're all deep! The best I saw was 2000

Man I feel this post so much. I don't know if it's because I haven't been back here in a while, but it really just doesn't feel the same since the first time I came here. It's kind of starting to feel like anywhere else on the internet, which sucks because I always liked relating and talking to others about their struggles so I don't feel alone. I'm not trying to be negative, but I really do hope I find another place on the internet that had the same kind energy this place when I joined or when I lurked a few years ago. I'm really glad you posted this.

What changed? What is missing? What would you need?

This is half my situation I couldn't open up I went to therapy and got tired they wanted me to do more things. I would rather stay here and try my own things later in the year which helped but I always felt someone is going to judge me or what I saw people around me I can't open up to them I know my mother has always been someone who binded us and keeps me sane but I am getting tired of being a burden now because I can't share my problems and I can't tell why I am like this either so I blame myself which is right but I haven't been able to open up and my mother insisted to go to therapy every other week since last year and ask if everything is okay but I could never even tell that I have cried or I am hurt I learnt to bottle it up inside. she didn't teach me to hide it that's what hurts I can't know where it came from.

Mothers sending their kids to therapy with uncaring strangers, instead to just listen & hug them, is the reason why everyone is crazy

I noticed that too. Messages of the style: and do not forget that there is always worse than you. It is youth, you are master of your life, you are not obliged to live in this way. or still el famoso " take up yoga/meditation. Already in all of society, our thoughts are invalidated, we are not considered. But there are even such people here on this forum. I wonder if they are not impostors, pro-lifers who do not encounter our difficulties and who allow themselves these words to "make us change".

These people can't even imagine what a young person can go through. This reflects the lack of empathy and understanding all over the world, life. Courage to all, whoever you are, in this horrible concept that is life.

I'm guilty of doing that. I'm not a pro choice impostor. I want to die, self care is to improve life quality & lower pain... Not make it longer. I like to tell abused people that they are the master of their own life. I was raised by a narc... I wish someone had told me sooner. To live (or die) for me. I don't think people should die after a break up, because it shows that they value themselves less than some jerk... People should taste self love before dying.

 

[brokensea]

And yet... You reach out *takes your hand gently* I think of you as a friend.

Of course not all posts are the best, but this is my happy place, because I don't have to be happy.

Do you know the yin yang symbol. I used to see things in black & white. But that symbol says that there is negative in positive, positive in negative... And both are part of everything... I am pro murder but sometimes I will encourage someone to live. To reach what they truly want... Instead to flee.

Yes society is cruel but I haven't seen a drop of cruelty in here. People received it & shared the story, but their heart was kind.

I just saw the movie Luck. Bad luck was seen as a curse. But it inspired her ingenuity. It helped people get out of their comfort zone and meet greater opportunities in the end.

Bad stuff doesn't just happen to good people... It make them good. It teaches empathy & compassion.

There is good... In bad.

This website is about murdering ourselves... Agony... Torment...

But look... *Still holding your hand* you're not alone anymore.

I think you're right about life... But you're only looking at the Yin of life... I hope that you'll notice the little white dot... That precious spark made more valuable in the darkness. Each other. This is why people share memes & laugh here, I posted comics, even though I made 3 attempts this week...

And there are people who seem to have all the Yang... But they're still here wishing to die... That little black dot ruined everything for them. Because to have it all requires too much energy, they're burned out to death & their heart is all black behind the happy exterior... Black to the core... They can't enjoy their achievements because it cost them their health & their very selves to get it...

The way you describe life in the darkest putch black way... Is with the most beautiful poetic words... Such a soft and gentle melancholy... The sorrow of someone drowning in the abyss, probably from trauma, unable to see the light above, and the light burns...

*I step deeper into the abyss, walking in water darker than ink, rippling with an echo through emptiness*

I'm here with you. In a way... It makes even the darkest black the purest white. All you have to do is value it. A tiny grain... Shiny of of black sand... Tiny but yours. Black but it's your home. So even the hurt is comforting. Because it helps you bond with the other people in the abyss. Even if you don't notice it. Maybe this is why you come back, why you're still here instead to ctb nonstop all day... Because waiting for the bus with us feels good, feels alive. It's the darkest black... But also have the most beautiful sparks. Like fireflies. Disgusting bugs... But making their own light even in the darkest night, because they're happy to be together.

We are fireflies. And you shine brightly to me. I'm fond of you.

Wow over 14 000 posts!? And they're all deep! The best I saw was 2000

What changed? What is missing? What would you need?

Mothers sending their kids to therapy with uncaring strangers, instead to just listen & hug them, is the reason why everyone is crazy

I'm guilty of doing that. I'm not a pro choice impostor. I want to die, self care is to improve life quality & lower pain... Not make it longer. I like to tell abused people that they are the master of their own life. I was raised by a narc... I wish someone had told me sooner. To live (or die) for me. I don't think people should die after a break up, because it shows that they value themselves less than some jerk... People should taste self love before dying.

Your comment about fireflies was one of the most beautiful things I've ever read.

 

[Hope:-)]

I know what you mean. Some people are deadly serious about suicide here. There was one person I met on here who was so meticulously serious that I knew she was going to pass from suicide. That's the only instance where I have felt that on this forum. Everyone else is usually like me- planning but currently too scared to do it, or will probably never pass from suicide and is suffering from perhaps a lighter form of situational depression on here than some other people's., or has a very poor quality of life but is too scared to currently plan it, or maybe admittedly never will. There is no shame in any of those categories.

I have such a different perspective on life than you. Life is AWESOME to me. It's such an incredible thing. Unfortunately, my quality of life has become so poor that I am seriously considering suicide. I hope you find what you're looking for xx

 

[rationaltake]

And yet... You reach out *takes your hand gently* I think of you as a friend.

Of course not all posts are the best, but this is my happy place, because I don't have to be happy.

Do you know the yin yang symbol. I used to see things in black & white. But that symbol says that there is negative in positive, positive in negative... And both are part of everything... I am pro murder but sometimes I will encourage someone to live. To reach what they truly want... Instead to flee.

Yes society is cruel but I haven't seen a drop of cruelty in here. People received it & shared the story, but their heart was kind.

I just saw the movie Luck. Bad luck was seen as a curse. But it inspired her ingenuity. It helped people get out of their comfort zone and meet greater opportunities in the end.

Bad stuff doesn't just happen to good people... It make them good. It teaches empathy & compassion.

There is good... In bad.

This website is about murdering ourselves... Agony... Torment...

But look... *Still holding your hand* you're not alone anymore.

I think you're right about life... But you're only looking at the Yin of life... I hope that you'll notice the little white dot... That precious spark made more valuable in the darkness. Each other. This is why people share memes & laugh here, I posted comics, even though I made 3 attempts this week...

And there are people who seem to have all the Yang... But they're still here wishing to die... That little black dot ruined everything for them. Because to have it all requires too much energy, they're burned out to death & their heart is all black behind the happy exterior... Black to the core... They can't enjoy their achievements because it cost them their health & their very selves to get it...

The way you describe life in the darkest putch black way... Is with the most beautiful poetic words... Such a soft and gentle melancholy... The sorrow of someone drowning in the abyss, probably from trauma, unable to see the light above, and the light burns...

*I step deeper into the abyss, walking in water darker than ink, rippling with an echo through emptiness*

I'm here with you. In a way... It makes even the darkest black the purest white. All you have to do is value it. A tiny grain... Shiny of of black sand... Tiny but yours. Black but it's your home. So even the hurt is comforting. Because it helps you bond with the other people in the abyss. Even if you don't notice it. Maybe this is why you come back, why you're still here instead to ctb nonstop all day... Because waiting for the bus with us feels good, feels alive. It's the darkest black... But also have the most beautiful sparks. Like fireflies. Disgusting bugs... But making their own light even in the darkest night, because they're happy to be together.

We are fireflies. And you shine brightly to me. I'm fond of you.

Wow over 14 000 posts!? And they're all deep! The best I saw was 2000

What changed? What is missing? What would you need?

Mothers sending their kids to therapy with uncaring strangers, instead to just listen & hug them, is the reason why everyone is crazy

I'm guilty of doing that. I'm not a pro choice impostor. I want to die, self care is to improve life quality & lower pain... Not make it longer. I like to tell abused people that they are the master of their own life. I was raised by a narc... I wish someone had told me sooner. To live (or die) for me. I don't think people should die after a break up, because it shows that they value themselves less than some jerk... People should taste self love before dying.

Your post is magic and beauty and compassion and wisdom. We're lucky to have you on here. And yet you're suffering so deeply. May the universe bring you goodness. I hope things turn around for you.

I think some find comfort in humour or being able to enjoy things during the rare times they're able to. There is no textbook definition for what constitutes being suicidal. Suicide doesn't discriminate, unfortunately like the rest of society, the suicidal do. This website is still a reflection of humanity, warts included.

Some could find this post invalidating because of how narrowly you define who is or is not suicidal. If you don't understand how someone can laugh or make jokes and still be suicidal that's unfortunate but it's their life, their truth. In your crusade against those who would invalidate you, take care not to become what you disliked in the first place. Gatekeeping works in more than one way.

Thank you for this wise post. Spot-on.

 

[FuneralCry]

How do you keep going on everyday living? I don't do a good job of it, like, at all. I barely make it through everyday and I suffer so much through it. How do you keep going? For whatever our reasons, we are still here. How will you go on? I don't know how I will. I truly do not know how im going to make it through tonight, tomorrow, for how ever long. I just don't know.

I just exist and try to pass the time as I feel like I have no other choice. Suicide isn't easy. If someone doesn't find a way to ctb they are trapped here with no relief from what they are going through. I don't think that sleep is enough of an escape as I know that I will wake up to the same empty existence. It's all so depressing and pointless and this is why the thought of death comforts me as death would take away the thing that I see as a problem in the first place which is this cruel existence.

 

[gimzero]

We die alone and we live trapped here.

 

[GreenTree]

Funeral cry is the greatest poster. If she left the forum it would be devastating. We're all in a devastating life situation all trying to plan to kill ourselves. The worse task any human can face. Keep posting Funeral cry. From 2pm till midnight you make lots of posts. Keep them coming.

 

[ojinzo]

I can relate to you a lot. Hope you feel better and find relief FuneralCry.

This existence has become a nightmare to me, my mental state is hurting so much and a lot of times I wish I stopped existing. Even if there's some joy to find, and there is definetly I don't find it worth it at all currently.
Much like I think not existing in the first place would be the best for me same is not existing from now, future me can be considered as an unborn person and it applies in my mind, the person existing is current me who is suffering and it is current me who has the right to make the choice to even potencially substract joy and pleasure life and whatever from my future potential by suicide.
I also empathize with other species suffering not just talking primates, they're treated like objects cause guess what people just wanna fullfill desires and insticts as with all animals and if they have the power they will even agaist others will, that is a rule of life.
All in all this rambling after a crisis I had today has to end...the situation not being able to die when you want how you want is so frustrating and enraging cause of other peoples interests.

#gutz

 

[GreenTree]

Funeral cry do you suffer from depression. It sounds like you do. Have you tried any medication.

 

[Hope:-)]

The recovery section seems to provide some relief to people. I don't really find any relief in anything these days so it's not uniquely this site which doesn't provide it. However this section of the general forum by it's very nature has a darkness to it. I mean people are committing suicide whilst posting on threads- it's a heavy, upsetting thing and I would be lying if I said it hasn't affected me. I'm just here to hopefully pass on. Who knows if I will do it though...