Venting Even if I had everything I wanted, I would still ctb

[hihi2027]

Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to live my "dream life", which is called just that because it will never happen.

I would live in the mountains away from everyone else. No one but myself and nature. All day is spent doing something artistic like making music or drawing.

But even if I got this lifestyle, which I never will because it is a fantasy, I would still commit suicide. It's just a calling. As soon as the cards align, when the perfect moment presents itself, I will ctb. I imagine myself in that home in the mountains late at night.

Something stirs deep within me. What is it? Bad memories, depression, anxiety, sadness, whatever you name it. I pull out the shotgun and blast my brains out.

I cannot escape this feeling no matter how positive life gets. Suicide is a part of me no matter what.

I must ctb asap

 

[3rdworldsadness]

My dream life is in afterlife (?) i never meant to be here, neglect and the force isolation made me so so anxious about the life itself that desired things becomes mundane, I plan my another escape and it's a loop. And my afterlife is void, non existence just like what I meant to be truly.