Venting Even if I did everything right in life I'd still be suicidal and I'd be working a 9-5

[ultrasharpy123456]

College stress would have gotten to me. Highschool got to me. School in general got to me. So I would either fail college or drop out. That means I'd never have a degree and would only be able to work 9-5 jobs. And do you know why I know this? Because there is already someone I admire who lives this kind of life. She did everything right in life. She went to college. She got her jobs. But she is poor and only works at 9-5 jobs and the stress gets to her. So that's the same thing that would happen to me.

So in that case what I would do is just not say anything and pretend everything is ok. Then while my family is unsuspecting I would buy a shotgun and then shoot myself. This is the only logical answer to my life.

God what was I THINKING? I should have just bought the shotgun when I was younger.

 

[theRetroHawk]

This story basically mirrors what I'm feeling right now except I took a useless business degree because I actually liked business but it's genuinely just babysitting adults pretending to be a classroom. So no matter if I get my degree or not I'm fucked to a shitty job. I also laugh because this is all I can do. I started mowing lawns at 12 then the school system just kinda pushed me into becoming a "business man" so I thought oh yeah whatever here I am at 20 fucking cursing every one of them for forcing me on this path now I physically have no other skills and am fucked to work a menial job forever.

 

[february in alaska]

Sometimes it feels like life is just a series of "maybe it will get better when [this] happens"

I always told myself I just needed to be able to drive, and then I just needed to get through high school, and then I just needed to be an adult, and then I just needed to be 21, and then I just needed to finish university, and nearly 22 years into my life I'm realizing that light at the end of the tunnel is literally just death. And it's a long, long tunnel. Even just thinking about it exhausts me down to the bone

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I completely relate. When even the best case scenario doesn't look good. Having a degree certainly isn't everything either. It depends what you studied. I have two degrees and it's very likely I'll end up back in a wage slave job soon. I even worked with someone in retail who had a PHD. She actually hated telling people because she felt ashamed. So yeah- you can try really hard in life, put in the work- and still 'fail' at what you wanted to do and end up doing something you hate.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I relate. I genuinely don't understand why more people aren't complaining about the 9-5 work system. It's stressful as hell and it entails that I'd always be suicidal

 

[Styg]

Sometimes it feels like life is just a series of "maybe it will get better when [this] happens"

I always told myself I just needed to be able to drive, and then I just needed to get through high school, and then I just needed to be an adult, and then I just needed to be 21, and then I just needed to finish university, and nearly 22 years into my life I'm realizing that light at the end of the tunnel is literally just death. And it's a long, long tunnel. Even just thinking about it exhausts me down to the bone

Damn I seriously relate to this. Even before all my recent struggles, I kept elevating certain milestones in my mind, like you said. My life has been a constant, "I just need to get hit this point or achieve this thing, and then everything will be so much better." Unfortunately, it never really did end up getting better; things have just continued to go downhill. Trying to hold onto the hope that things will improve one way or another, but it is exceedingly difficult. Anyway, I wish everyone the best, and I hope we can all find some measure of comfort as we face this life.