Venting envy

[warriorkot]

i just want to not be scared anymore. its all i think about. i always imagine me dead i just want to be dead. i just continue to suffer and self hate and envy everybody. envy happy people. envy people who commit suicide m. envy people in love. i envy everyone. i hate myself. im disgusting i just want to be high and drunk aall the time and ive rotted mu brain its all my fault my parents even hate me i kust get talked over every time i try anr say something to anyone at work.
i cant stop crying

 

[MeltingBrain]

What happened to bring you to this point?

 

[Baldwin IV]

I envy people who are my age, or even younger than me acomplish things I wish I did years ago. I always wondered if I did things different what could have become of me. It's a weird pain because you shouldn't feel that way but you do, and then you stop and think if life passed you by or if you never were in the race to begin with.

 

[warriorkot]

What happened to bring you to this point?

childhood trauma, parents, bullying, being unable to talk to people without a million thoughts going through my head, knowing for a fact they're thinking bad of me. not knowing how to have a normal conversation with people,
avoiding everything in my life. stressing over money and my school work and my job at the same time.

 

[lwlaiet8887]

I envy people who are my age, or even younger than me acomplish things I wish I did years ago. I always wondered if I did things different what could have become of me. It's a weird pain because you shouldn't feel that way but you do, and then you stop and think if life passed you by or if you never were in the race to begin with.

Unfortunately I was never in the race although I dreamed to be

 

[AshClouds]

childhood trauma, parents, bullying, being unable to talk to people without a million thoughts going through my head, knowing for a fact they're thinking bad of me. not knowing how to have a normal conversation with people,
avoiding everything in my life. stressing over money and my school work and my job at the same time.

I know exactly how that feels. I have racing thoughts all the time and that inhibits my ability to have meaningful conversations. I always assume people hate me, also I stress those things as well.