Enduring a year for my mother

[CutePrincess]

I don't have any will to live. I don't belive in recovery. I suffer from mental illness. I feel in a way that is unbearable. I won't do basic things like washing my teeth unless someone tell me to do it. I struggle to answer questions from people. The problem is that my mum is doing everything she can to save me. We kinda agreed that I will try to recover for a year and if I still will be sick and suicidal but I feel like every day it to much. I'm not greatfull for the support I'm mad because I already decided that I want to die but her effort and my care for her is holding me back. I planed to cbt with a women I met her last sunday but I told her I'm not sure after seeing how much my mum is doing and she backed down. I'm mad at my mother I'm not killing myself because of her. I ordered sn, cancelled it after conversation with my mum and ordered it again. I feel I want to have it just in case but I'm afraid I may take it impulsivly or change my mind.

 

[theboy]

I feel u
Hugs!

 

[MapleS]

Been there so I understand a bit
i feel you
I endured a long time for my friend. First promise was for a year and it got better. Then something happend and 'endure it for a month'. It got bearable and then it got better.
i feel like it's a good deal to endure it for a year for somebody who cares for you so much and it can get better.
But I understand you being mad and suicidal.

Honestly seeing this post and relating to it so much tells me to be positive but we may be diffrent.

You have right to kill yourself and you have right to live. You choose

And I think choosing to live for somebody you love is love

You can see resorces on recovery section. They are really good. And if you need to hear this: life CAN be good and enjoyable not only bearable. If you want of course. The thing is if you will choose to live for a year you may want to make it more bearable

Good luck
And if you want a fish see my leatest thread or pm me. I'll draw you one :3

Oh and choosing to die is ok. It's your life. Choosing to live id also fine

 

[CutePrincess]

I think that other need this time. That if I let them try to help me and see that it didn't work they will understand my decision. They won't blame themselves for not doing enough sooner. If suicade would only affect me I wouldn't even hesitate to do it but it would also affect others. I don't think it's fair to expect me to suffer for year but I understand that they want me to try. I feel it pointless it won't make my life worth living but the point is my family will feel that they did what they can it will prepare them. I think about buying sn and hide it for the future just in case it becomes harder to access.