Venting Endless eaiting for SN shipping

[NappinHappening]

Found relatably cheap place to order SN few days back from...
But goddamit it takes forever to arrive + i didnt receive confirmation so im kinda getting stressed it will be blocked based on some kind of confirmation for lab requirement or something like that for buying.

Yesterday i started waking up with shakes alongside with depression. Guess im stressed about what will happen if it all goes right.. but at the same time im stressed if it doesn't work out????

I dont really have friends or something and the few last weeks been very hard to be stable and or atleast calm in mind.

Beeen watching/reading berserk trying to distract myself alongside to listening to joji/burzum and very exceptionally playing some warhammer on my pc..

But goddamit i want the SN here rn to just end it already. I got pain relief , i got anti emetics, i got pretty much everything, just neeed for it to arrive and start fasting and then finally after postponing it for almost 20 years exit this crazy ass Samsara called life.
I've been feeling like prisoner since the day i was diagnosed with Schizo. Let me die finally for fucking sake.


Sorry for vent

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly understand that it's so dreadful and torturous feeling trapped here, we really shouldn't have to struggle so much to die on our own terms. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find what you search for, I hate how we cannot just have the option to just easily cease existing in peace.

 

[NappinHappening]

I certainly understand that it's so dreadful and torturous feeling trapped here, we really shouldn't have to struggle so much to die on our own terms. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find what you search for, I hate how we cannot just have the option to just easily cease existing in peace.

Its almost like someone would profit from prolonging suffering of people who tends to shop a lot to compensate for similiar feelings we are trying to cease existing from smh!

But yes, wish me a luck it is indeed a nitrite and not nitrate please