Venting end of the year

[annique]

One more year is coming to a closure. Another cycle is to end. And I have seen this repeatedly throughout my life.

I remember there were times I would feel relieved, since I would have a chance to start over freshly in the next year. I would even celebrate the new-year thing. But now I just feel in a rush as I have settled for not wanting to be around in 2023. I have been postponing my suicide since like May this year, I think. I had in my mind that I still got time, as there were still months to come ahead. Now, it is late November. Not much time left and I can feel the pressure building up as I need to leave.

I've got everything for the SN plan. I do think I even got the courage to pull it off. I can't really pinpoint what is ultimately holding me back. It may sound stupid, but I sometimes picture myself (I have also had dreams) about to drink the SN and I feel disgusted by the bad taste I'm likely to have to endure. That may be what is holding me back.​

 

[Olm]

I have had that same feeling. I always thought it was some form of unconscious desire disguised as some reddish discomfort. Perhaps it is similar to actors and stage-fright?

I wish you well.

 

[jodes2]

Sorry you're suffering, I hope you change your mind, things can get better

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I set the same deadline as you (end of the year) and am feeling similar pressure. You just have to remember that these deadlines are ultimately arbitrary and they only carry as much meaning as we assign them.

 

[Lost Magic]

extra strength Orajel may help. It is just a gel that you lather over your tongue to numb your taste buds. Good luck if that is the path you choose.

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess that after all it can be difficult to set dates for ctb far in advance as things could potentially interfere with our plans, as life can be unpredictable. But at least you have the SN method planned for when the time is right for you to leave this world. I wish you the best.