Story END OF THE LINE

[Unattainable666]

Well, here I am again - at the end of the line, the end of my life. If anyone has read my previous posts you know how much I hated Albuquerque. So I decided to relocate to Savannah where I had a job waiting for me. So I spent most of my savings to leave, drove over1600 miles with Sweet Pea, who is now traumatized from the drive and arrived in Savannah yesterday. I am a planner and I planned this trip, this new life to a T. I went to the place where I was going to stay for a couple weeks until I found a permanent place. I called numerous times, looked online, did all the due diligence I could. Then I showed up. I was shocked. The room was filthy, I would't even let Sweet Pea out of her carrier, there were no lights, the smell was atrocious, I was the only female there alone (if you catch my drift), quite honestly I was terrified of staying there. So I would up at an expensive motel where I have paperwork showing Sweet Pea to be my ESP. Then these two bitches start asking me questions like, "Why do you need her?" to which I answered sarcastically, "If it weren't for her I'd be dead." Then they asked, "What does she do for you that makes her an ESP?" I didn't respond. So here I am almost out of money. I am now broken, not fixable. done. Unable to cope. I tried so fucking hard to make this work. But the realization is that my life will continue to be a shit show as long as I am breathing. I should have died when Christina did. So, my dear friends my plans have changed. I'm heading out today to go back to the place I lived for 30 years. To ctb and leave all this pain behind. I can't function anymore. I'm not sure I'll have the internet after today, so I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who supported me, who listened to my stories and who never judged me. I believe my method is foolproof. So I wish you all love, peace, happiness. You all are wonderful people. Thanks to the mods who never kicked me off even though I may have crossed the line. Thank you to the 40 plus chat room folks. Your kind words and support made me feel I could do anything. Starry out.

 

[SVEN]

Every good wish for safety and a successfull end to your hard journey. Go well.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Oh no. I'm so sad for you. God- you put in all that effort. It seems just awful that it has ended like this. People are so insensitive.

I don't know what to say really. I don't want to be that person to be all irritating and full of toxic positivity. Still- I'll just say it. The first flat I moved in to on my own, I thought I could smell gas and panicked. The second place, I went into the garden first and kids where screaming all over the place and someone was smoking and I thought- shit- what have I done? When I was looking for a flat to do a 200 mile move, I stayed in this guest house where the guy there just gave off this really Norman Bates vibe. That was so scary. Plus, he was really insulting the next morning.

I think it's kind of normal to feel so frightened when we are starting again, so, just everything feels terrible and overwhelming. It's so unfortunate you had that encounter with those two sarcastic women and I can understand- you must be thinking- people here are going to be just as shitty as everywhere else. I guess you could well be right but you might not be. Both properties for me actually ended up being fine. It's only that I was so scared initially and so prone to thinking things always go wrong.

There again- it's not for me to convince you to stay. You know in your heart where your life is leading you. I do believe that. I think sometimes we do quite extreme things and get the sense of what we need to do next. So- if that really is CTB, then I wish you all the very best. I'm so sad though that this didn't work out. You tried so hard.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry your life is so rough and everything went wrong despite all the efforts. It's so sad. I wish you all the best and I hope you can find peace.

 

[voidstar]

This is all just so unfair. I hope you'll find a solution and someplace safe for Sweet Pea, my cat is one of the last reasons I'm here because I couldn't bear the thought of her suffering.
My thoughts are with you and I hope you'll find peace.

 

[ropearoundatree]

Oh, man? This is so heart-breaking! And you were trying your best, to make thing better--or as in, "right," by all that you've done. . . I just can't imagine the set-back; & I'm so very, very sorry for you! I just wish those two would've been more understanding, and less judgmental, for, it's like: who are they to be qualified in order to make that kind of an assessment? Goodness, what gives with people these days! Egos & power, I guess... It's all just so UN-BELIEVABLE, To Me?!?

 

[Tears in Rain]

Sorry your relocate and stuff didn't work out. I hope you find the peace that you seek.

 

[Redacted24]

Agree with others here- I'm so very sorry that after all the obstacles you have overcome to take on a transcontinental move in winter that when getting to the finish line that was your first experience.
You're a kind soul and I'll miss your morning posts of encouragement.
You've been through so very much and have kept your humanity. That's inspirational to me. To still be kind to others while suffering yourself is a strength I wish I had.
Hoping that your plans work as you hoped, the bus is prompt and journey comfortable. Looking forward to saying "hi" on the other side. We'll miss you here.

 

[eashanm]

I wish you good luck in your ctb

 

[FuneralCry]

Farewell, I hope that you find freedom from your suffering.

 

[anxious_depressive]

Hi

I'm so sorry you're in such a terrible situation.
I can see that you are fighting as hard as you can.

You have put so much effort into the move.
I understand how scary and difficult it is for you.

I realize I can't give you advice in this situation, but ....

Are there any other options for an inexpensive hotel/room?

Maybe check with your employer about housing? They may be able to tell you where you can get safe and inexpensive accommodation.

Maybe there is some kind of crisis service? (for women)

Sorry , if my suggestions seem silly, but I sincerely want to help you.
I am very worried about you and Sweet Pea.

Either way, only you can decide how to proceed.

If you need anything, write to me anytime.
I will reply as soon as I can.


Big hugs

 

[bloodystarzklt]

sending lots of love to you, i hope you find peace♡

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I'm so sorry sweetie...

Please tell me you made arrangements for Sweet Pea...

 

[Princess_Kitty]

I'm sorry you've been suffering. I wish you the best and hope you find peace.

 

[depressedginger]

i hope you find the peace you're looking for. all the love and wish you the best.

 

[Unattainable666]

Hi

I'm so sorry you're in such a terrible situation.
I can see that you are fighting as hard as you can.

You have put so much effort into the move.
I understand how scary and difficult it is for you.

I realize I can't give you advice in this situation, but ....

Are there any other options for an inexpensive hotel/room?

Maybe check with your employer about housing? They may be able to tell you where you can get safe and inexpensive accommodation.

Maybe there is some kind of crisis service? (for women)

Sorry , if my suggestions seem silly, but I sincerely want to help you.
I am very worried about you and Sweet Pea.

Either way, only you can decide how to proceed.

If you need anything, write to me anytime.
I will reply as soon as I can.


Big hugs

Your suggestions were very valid. Sweet Pea is traumatized by the ride but who wouldn't be? Thank you for helping me

 

[Dliena]

I'm sorry for all the sufferings you had to endure thru your life and may eternal peace be granted to you.

 

[anxious_depressive]

Your suggestions were very valid. Sweet Pea is traumatized by the ride but who wouldn't be? Thank you for helping me

I'm very worried about you and Sweet Pea.


I wish you all the best.
Whatever decision you make.

I hope at least some of your problems will be solved.