Encouragement?

[moniquetequeek]

Is there anybody who can validate my feelings on my decision? I'm forming a plan for sometime in May. I'm fairly certain I've got some type of personality disorder, and my whole life I've been void of attention, manipulative, borderline emotionally abusive, and destructive to myself and others. The only thing I've ever done for other people is ruin their lives, or at least make the portion of their life I was in substantially worse. My family hate living with me. The father of my child despises me. I've always had trouble keeping friends but the few I've had for the last 7 years will be mad at me for doing it. My son will be too. But i just need like minded people to tell me I am doing the right thing.

 

[Ash]

Unfortunately, without a crystal ball, there is no way of knowing what's right or wrong. I think that's part of the reason for our survival instinct: we don't know. I hope you're able to make a decision that brings you peace.

 

[sanitystruggle]

I'm sorry to hear things have been so hard for you. It's distressing to feel constantly at fault like that and it's something a lot of people here struggle with in different ways.

Nobody can tell you what the right decision is for you - only you can come to that decision by yourself and knowing your own situation better than anyone else. Ethically and by the rules of the forum no one can or should encourage you to make a decision that can't be unmade by ending your life.

The forum can provide factual resources and emotional support to help you reach a decision, but ultimately the choice rests with you alone. I wish you the best whatever you decide.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry you've struggled so much. As other people have said, we can sympathise with you. Most people here are pro-choice so in principle, we mostly believe that we all have the right to make this decision for ourselves. But in terms of encouragement, we can't do that. It has to be a personal decision. We can't say it's right or wrong because it's entirely your decision to make. We most probably can empathise entirely as to why you feel like this though. I'm sorry.

 

[rozeske]

Am so sorry for your suffering. Though we can't encourage you nor tell you what to do, I do hope you can soon come to a decision that is best for you and i hope you can find peace in your decisions.

 

[LunarLight]

Is there anybody who can validate my feelings on my decision? I'm forming a plan for sometime in May. I'm fairly certain I've got some type of personality disorder, and my whole life I've been void of attention, manipulative, borderline emotionally abusive, and destructive to myself and others. The only thing I've ever done for other people is ruin their lives, or at least make the portion of their life I was in substantially worse. My family hate living with me. The father of my child despises me. I've always had trouble keeping friends but the few I've had for the last 7 years will be mad at me for doing it. My son will be too. But i just need like minded people to tell me I am doing the right thing.

Sounds like BPD to me.
Have you tried therapy? It helps some people.
I wish you the best whatever you decide to do.

 

[Raindancer]

I'm sorry to hear things have been so hard for you. It's distressing to feel constantly at fault like that and it's something a lot of people here struggle with in different ways.

My thoughts exactly, it must be very difficult. You mentioned you think you have certain mental issues, can you get counseling or help to maybe understand why this is happening. Maybe learning some tools or techniques can help. This is a great place to vent and get feed back, although all decisions are our own.

 

[Jiyuurakka]

Validation, I wonder where that comes from? From what I gather from your post, you have had an awful life so far. Its a disservice and an understatement to even put into words just how much you've suffered. No one else apart from you can truly comprehend what you're going through, so it lies upon none of us to say if your decision is right or wrong.

When a person suffers, they naturally start taking care of themselves in order to cope with the suffering. A person CTB's when the suffering gets so overwhelming that the only possible thought they can entertain in the moment is to take their life, in a way, it is a person's last ditch effort to take care of themselves. If you think that it is the right thing to do and you end up falling through with it, no one else has the right to criticise your choice because none of us can truly comprehend what you have went through, the same can be said for the other choice. Just keep in mind that no matter what decision you take, you are validated by default because that decision is purely yours and your right. We're all like minded people here, we have all suffered. We are with your choice regardless of what you decide to do, and none of us can actively encourage either choice. I really like when people take care of themselves and put themselves first before anyone else, because they matter. Validation will come your way when you make the choice. Validation does not come before, but after the fact, so take care of yourself.

 

[Dot]

Am srry tht u r suffrng bt membrs wll nevr influnce ur decsn eithr wy - espclly Ncourgemnt as thy wld b breakng rules