Venting Empty

[BlueButterfly111]

Does anyone else just feel empty most of the time? Not sad, not happy, just empty. I miss the happy moments that I use to have. I just feel nothing most of the time, I'm so bored with my life, nothing is interesting.

The overwhelming grief is mostly gone now, since it's been almost 9 months since my boyfriend Henry passed away. Those feelings still come in waves here and there but they're mostly gone now. I almost miss those feelings, despite how painful they were, because at least I was feeling something. I guess there's nothing anyone can say about this, but I'm just extremely bored so I decided to post.

I remember how he brought so much happiness, excitement, and passion into my life that I had never felt before. Everyday is just so boring now, I never met anyone who brought those feelings out of me other than him.

At this point I don't even feel much of anything about ctb, it's weird idk, I'm just waiting. I used to feel so much, so intensely and deeply, so it's strange that I feel this way now.

 

[divinemistress36]

I feel so empty all the time so I dont enjoy doing anything

 

[Crow_88]

Yeah. I just don't see a reason for anything. Or even really know what it is to feel good anymore. Even understanding what makes most people motivated and happy is gone. Just a deep emptiness.

 

[encore]

yes. mine was a breakup, not a loss of life, but i can relate somewhat. it hurts so bad and i was clinging to these feelings as proof of my love, and while they subsided with time, they come back occasionally. i was crying in the shower today. but most of the time, it's nothingness

 

[ForeverCaHa]

I understand you very well. Back in the immediate aftermath I think I was surviving on the intense adrenaline and high emotion of the days. Somehow they pushed me through. But now they've (mostly) subsided and I'm just left being me. That is the 'me' that has to exist without him.

I have postponed yesterday's CTB plans, which leaves me feeling emptier, without purpose... Now I need to discover who the 'me' that exists after losing him is.

Thinking of it in that way is maybe healthy. I need to learn and grow, develop myself and push through this to create the new me. Much easier said than done though, and at any time those urges to CTB may come back, and they will come back eventually.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

I understand you very well. Back in the immediate aftermath I think I was surviving on the intense adrenaline and high emotion of the days. Somehow they pushed me through. But now they've (mostly) subsided and I'm just left being me. That is the 'me' that has to exist without him.

I have postponed yesterday's CTB plans, which leaves me feeling emptier, without purpose... Now I need to discover who the 'me' that exists after losing him is.

Thinking of it in that way is maybe healthy. I need to learn and grow, develop myself and push through this to create the new me. Much easier said than done though, and at any time those urges to CTB may come back, and they will come back eventually.

I'm glad that you decided to postpone your ctb plans for now, as weird as that may sound because I would miss you. Your grief is still very new, there were so many different feelings and emotions in the first couple of months. It's okay to take some time to just exist and live with the grief, I know that it's overwhelming. I hate to say it but with time it has gotten better in a way, but I'm still broken. I just wish you the best in whatever you decide to do. I hope that you can find happiness one way or the other.

 

[silverbones]

Yes. It feels like your soul is numb, almost a void.

I am also very sorry to hear about your boyfriend and hope you manage to find peace and joy in regardless of what you choose to do.