I've been reporting my ex partner for DV and other related incidents. At the start of the process it was my plan to ctb once id finally reported this. Maybe sounds stupid but I was asking God to finally allow my attempts to work once I'd completed my purpose in life. I felt like God wasn't letting me die because I had to do something specific before my death. I convinced myself this was it.
In my first interview they only asked me about the sexual acts, not much else. Today I finally spoke about all of it. I felt oddly happy and empowered after, but still not free. For the last 4 years I've been looking over my shoulder, afraid he or one of his friends had found me. I still fear this so fucking much. Especially now. The police will question him soon. He is going to go crazy.
When we were together he kept tabs on all of his ex's, checking their social media pages monthly. If he did that to me, he knows where I work and go to uni if he found my LinkedIn and new Instagram. I deactivated all my Instagram accounts in June (screen time was crazy). Tonight I deleted/deactivated all my other accounts on all social media platforms that could be linked to me personally.
Why am I still so afraid of this man? I fear he's going to find me or contact me somehow once he has been questioned. I'm terrified.
The odd happiness I felt earlier surprised me so much. It was a slight plan of mine to ctb soon after today's interview. But that happiness made me not want to do it when I returned home. I fear so much. I fear he will come find me.
I really hope that if something happens to me, police investigate if he had something to do with it. I really fear that I could be badly injured, kidnapped or killed at the hands of this man or someone he knows. I have a feeling about it.
I guess I wanted to post this to get my thoughts and heavy emotions out. But also if something does happen to me, hopefully someone will stumble upon this and investigate him. I plan to leave a few notes around my apartment and tell friends this same fear/feeling I have. I know if I go missing or die soon, it could very easily be ruled as ctb as I've been desperately trying to get help recently (to no avail). I'm so scared they may not look into it.
Hopefully it won't come to that.
In my first interview they only asked me about the sexual acts, not much else. Today I finally spoke about all of it. I felt oddly happy and empowered after, but still not free. For the last 4 years I've been looking over my shoulder, afraid he or one of his friends had found me. I still fear this so fucking much. Especially now. The police will question him soon. He is going to go crazy.
When we were together he kept tabs on all of his ex's, checking their social media pages monthly. If he did that to me, he knows where I work and go to uni if he found my LinkedIn and new Instagram. I deactivated all my Instagram accounts in June (screen time was crazy). Tonight I deleted/deactivated all my other accounts on all social media platforms that could be linked to me personally.
Why am I still so afraid of this man? I fear he's going to find me or contact me somehow once he has been questioned. I'm terrified.
The odd happiness I felt earlier surprised me so much. It was a slight plan of mine to ctb soon after today's interview. But that happiness made me not want to do it when I returned home. I fear so much. I fear he will come find me.
I really hope that if something happens to me, police investigate if he had something to do with it. I really fear that I could be badly injured, kidnapped or killed at the hands of this man or someone he knows. I have a feeling about it.
I guess I wanted to post this to get my thoughts and heavy emotions out. But also if something does happen to me, hopefully someone will stumble upon this and investigate him. I plan to leave a few notes around my apartment and tell friends this same fear/feeling I have. I know if I go missing or die soon, it could very easily be ruled as ctb as I've been desperately trying to get help recently (to no avail). I'm so scared they may not look into it.
Hopefully it won't come to that.
