Help Emotional Torment

[TheAntithesis]

I've already recognized the biggest hurdle in overcoming my life, and looking back, I have realized the Achilles heel that has jeopardized almost every aspect of my life is my inability to control my explosive, overcharged and unstable emotions.

I've experimented on myself like a lab rat for the past couple of months or so with various substances and medications I have in my possession in hopes that I can find some kind of chemical cocktail or mental technique that allows me to, at worst take the edge off of my emotions, and at best, negate or suppress them almost entirely.

While I know this is not a healthy thing to do, I consider it the only thing that can be done for someone who suffers from severe BPD, where my emotions have been so out of control they assault my brain with genuinely despairing, uncontrollable thoughts at the state of my life.

Does anyone have any experience with something that blunts emotions? Provided I don't CTB in the next couple of days, the only way I will be able to crawl out of this pit is by abandoning my humanity.

 

[crimsonpool]

might not be what youre looking for but im on prozac and it dulled a lot of my emotions. ive used benadryl as a temporary calm down kind of thing and that works too but only for an hour or so. i dont have bpd though, so might not help you/might work differently on you idk but figured id say just in case

 

[starlightsun]

After being on sertraline for a few weeks I have definitely experienced emotional blunting. It's a relief. Diazepam has given me temporary relief from anxiety while the sert has built up in my system. Also taking quetapel for sleep, it worked well for me in the beginning but I might have tolerance now.

I feel a lot more even emotionally, I don't really feel much of anything which is worlds better than the pure terror I was experiencing a few weeks ago. I do not have BPD unlike yourself.

I hope you find relief.

 

[Bunnybrains]

I second prozac, it was better then nothing. When broke for cash kava is a nice alterative, or thc tintures? Helpful cause u can stick them in ur pocket and use it anywhere. Hope u find something comforting. Oh ans ketamine? Fucking top tier for disconnecting from ur emotions

 

[TheAntithesis]

Thank you for all of your feedback everyone. I really appreciate it, I'll look into Prozac.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

hey ya... fellow BPD here. Been drugging myself and drinking for a while now. Nothing life-altering. I'm the functioning type.
Some of the time, I do have wild outburst, particulary when I'm drinking and do a bit of speed. But I can't function in society when I'm not an bit tipsy. And I can't be alone without being stoned out of my mind. I wanna dull my emotions and dilute them as much as possible. As of yet, I haven't found any solution that's not self-destructive. Chemotherapy of the mind is all that works for me, sadly. There is a catch though. Maybe I wouldn't have to if I didn't depend on benzos to sleep. But my aggressive insomnia is not managable by any other means. And I believe, from experience, that there is a correlation between me having to chug benzos every night and having the urge to drink. Honestly, I feel my body falling apart. Nevermind that my mind is twichy, my body is just out of tune. I'm an addict. And not entirely by choice. That's a fucking position to be in...
Besides that, the only thing I can think of that could blunt your emotions is - drumroll please - more trauma. Or I just wish that was the case because where I'm going that's all there's gonna be. As it always was. I hope I can eventually break, like a clock.

 

[TheAntithesis]

hey ya... fellow BPD here. Been drugging myself and drinking for a while now. Nothing life-altering. I'm the functioning type.
Some of the time, I do have wild outburst, particulary when I'm drinking and do a bit of speed. But I can't function in society when I'm not an bit tipsy. And I can't be alone without being stoned out of my mind. I wanna dull my emotions and dilute them as much as possible. As of yet, I haven't found any solution that's not self-destructive. Chemotherapy of the mind is all that works for me, sadly. There is a catch though. Maybe I wouldn't have to if I didn't depend on benzos to sleep. But my aggressive insomnia is not managable by any other means. And I believe, from experience, that there is a correlation between me having to chug benzos every night and having the urge to drink. Honestly, I feel my body falling apart. Nevermind that my mind is twichy, my body is just out of tune. I'm an addict. And not entirely by choice. That's a fucking position to be in...
Besides that, the only thing I can think of that could blunt your emotions is - drumroll please - more trauma. Or I just wish that was the case because where I'm going that's all there's gonna be. As it always was. I hope I can eventually break, like a clock.

It saddens and scares me that to function you need to do the things you do.

 

[Namensjemand]

Does anyone have any experience with something that blunts emotions? Provided I don't CTB in the next couple of days, the

Ritalin or sth like that? That is what the stuff does, right. It damps emotions and makes it more easy to concentrate.

I am tempted to advice meditation and mindfulness but you will probably just be annoyed. I know the feeling you describe.