Discussion Egoism? Or are we just people in pain?

[bea_bivng]

Hello friends, again but this time with a question.

In a past therapy session my psychologist caught me lying about me not cutting myself anymore, I had been lying to her for at least 3 sessions but this time I couldn't keep the lie, our appointment was quick and she scheduled a psychiatrist on the same day to get a medication, but she came to me saying "It's selfish what you're doing, people love you, your family loves you, I'm here to lift you up until one day you're no longer alive" something like that.

I was very upset by the use of the word selfish, I know people care about me but I spent the other 5 years being ignored and treated like a good girl who doesn't complain about anything, I hate that, why do they say people who get hurt are selfish? I don't understand that, I just get hurt, my family just have their feelings hurt but after a while they don't even remember it anymore.

After that appointment i promised to stay clean until my brother's birthday, i also wanted to stop going to her, but i'm spending a lot of money on it and i still don't have a job due to my problems, even after everything i still like her, i just wanted her to realize that i'm still not well.

I feel that I only cause problems and that this is being selfish, do you guys also feel the same way? that your decisions are selfish and that people are right about?

 

[alonely]

It's selfish for the other people to try to control your behavior based on their feelings. You don't exist to please other people. It's not selfish to make any choice for yourself.

 

[OutOfTheVoid]

i hate that ppl call us 'selfish' for sh or wanting/trying to ctb. what's selfish is those ppl acting like they're entitled to our existence and trying to control what we can do with our own bodies. no one is obligated to exist for others, and no one is entitled to another's existence. if only everyone understood that

i understand ppl feeling upset when someone they care about self-harms or is suicidal, ppl cant help caring and thats ok, but blaming us and calling us 'selfish' is not ok

 

[Crono]

I think it's very insensitive to use that word for someone suicidal, and no one is selfish for feeling bad about existing in this horrible world, that would only be true if the world was a good place and that's not the case.

 

[bloodblacknothing]

that kind of remark is extremely unprofessional coming from a psychologist, and far more telling of her character than self-harm is of yours. self-harm is a coping mechanism like any other, and while i understand that they kinda have to discourage it, it should not be done in such a mean-spirited way; after all, you are there to receive help - not further beratement, especially not from a licensed professional.

perhaps she meant well, and it just came out wrong, but good intentions aren't a valid excuse for hurting someone. i'm sorry you had to go through that, but please know that you are not selfish.

 

[bea_bivng]

that kind of remark is extremely unprofessional coming from a psychologist, and far more telling of her character than self-harm is of yours. self-harm is a coping mechanism like any other, and while i understand that they kinda have to discourage it, it should not be done in such a mean-spirited way; after all, you are there to receive help - not further beratement, especially not from a licensed professional.

perhaps she meant well, and it just came out wrong, but good intentions aren't a valid excuse for hurting someone. i'm sorry you had to go through that, but please know that you are not selfish.

I like her, but there are many things that make me uncomfortable in our sessions, I feel that she wants me to be well, but ends up using words that upset me, or I end up feeling things much more.
Thank you for your words they are very kind :)

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'd utterly hate that response myself. I don't appreciate people trying to make me feel guilty. Partly because it presupposes that I don't give a shit about people- when I do. And, I'm sure you do too.

In fact- when I had to talk to the Crisis line- after the recent SN welness checks- the person on the line said- 'Think what your suicide would do to your loved ones.' Honestly- I could have spat blood. I've had ideation for 33 years. I've hung on this long SOLEY not to upset my loved ones. I was fuming!!

Besides- it kind of implies we should live and behave entirely for others- which I don't think is sustainable- or- even fair to ask. Do people do that for you? I doubt it. It's kind of different to be feeling a little low or tired but to make that effort to be happy for others. To expect someone who is suicidal to do that- you may as well be asking them to pretend to be someone else. How does that help anyone?!!

 

[FuneralCry]

I just personally think that type of guilt tripping is insensitive, sadly so many people just lack compassion towards the suffering that other people go through. When it comes to suicide the thing that is actually selfish is expecting someone to stay here against their wishes until they die anyway, none of us are obligated to continue existing here.

 

[bedhead_baby]

Self harm and suicide is only selfish if you're using it as a way to guilt trip or blackmail others (which you aren't).

When I found out my brother tried to end his life, I wasn't angry, nor did I feel "betrayed" by him. I thought about how much pain he must be in to go to those lengths.

I can't even fathom calling someone selfish for being in so much pain they take it out on their own bodies. How are you going to get offended that I am struggling with unhealthy coping mechanisms? Only thinking how it hurts your feelings. Talk about selfish.

I understand where family and friends are coming from when they feel that way, but it's just as misguided as using physical harm to null mental pain. Lose-lose situation.

You are perfectly valid, and I'm sorry your struggles are being painted as such an evil thing.

 

[IfyouareamanWinston]

Friends and family are always so shocked Pikachu face when someone finally leaves and gets peace. Until that point they are at the front of the queue of your suffering, sprinkle on some bad luck or circumstance and it's a wonder more people stay alive really. No one is born suicidal, the world makes them that way.

 

[EndJstifiesTheMeans]

They are the egoistic, honestly i always desired to ctb even in my childhood, always know that something was wrong with my family

Society forced me to stay alive only to make things even worse letting me experience unrequited love