Early dementia?

[persuasion]

I'm emotionally, cognitively and motivationally completely stuck for the past 10 years. I barely learned anything new, I have no interests, I feel how I'm regressing each day. I am completely unable to feel any deep emotion. I read about people on the spectrum and in the study they found that people with autism will experience emotions like sadness, happiness, love, anxiety and so on comparable to normal people in intensity and quantity. Yet I feel nothing but a blank line for years. I barely feel human. I only act in accordance to my knowledge about how 'things work' and how 'people react'. But it's all a chore. There's no amplitude, after years and years it's all the same. How is it even fucking possible for a single person to get on this level of indifference. This year I also forgot to call my brother and sister for birthday, not even a message. I just couldn't care and this makes me even more anxious. I forget more and more things, all that sometimes breaks through is anxiety and stress. Now I found a gf 2 years ago and I can't feel much love or bonding, it's more like I rationally know that I love her and should keep being with her, and somehow I love her, but still i feel like a bad human being because my love is not so deep as it should be and I find myself have thoughts about other women or watching pornography, I really am a bad lover even though I would never betray her, I hope at least. Why don't I feel strong bonding? I'm simply not capable of deep emotions I guess and this hurts. But even the emotion of stress is getting rarer, I just don't see a point in caring. I think I might be on the way of becoming a retard because I just can't care about what most people care about thus I don't think about it and de-learn what I used to know. It's all a mess. I'm already 30 now and don't know how there can be 50 more years of this. Everything is a waste, but even that leaves me indifferent. I just feel dumber each day and yet people think I'm smart because I got a degree in university. What a joke. It's all not worth it. I'm stuck. I'm afraid of learning something new and even basic logic operations start to become harder that I used to solve easily in the past. It's all a regress and why should I even care. I feel like I'm part of the universe much more than part of a society. The universe is indifferent and that's what I find peace in. I guess it's time to go. The Ephemeral world is no more for me. The main reason I don't give in to suicidal thoughts like o used to is because I don't want to hurt my gf. My life probably should be decent, but I feel like an idiot, and this rant is the prove that I am one. I just really need to get this out and I was banned on my main forum because an identical ID has spammed there so my IP wrongly is banned, so I had to post somewhere else and this came to mind, sorry, I'm done.

 

[Viranamari]

Doesn't sound like dementia to me. In fact, it doesn't appear to be any problem physically with your brain at least. It appears that you're in a crisis. You might want to check Alzhemiers out if you are convinced. Dementia happens to be in people who are of old age while Alzhemiers happens to be in people who aren't old yet. But either way, you seem to be in a very horrible situation. I wish I could offer more advice but honestly, I suppose that's just how life works. Anyways, I wish you the best.

 

[Hollowman]

I could've wrote most of that. It's why I'm here.

 

[FuneralCry]

Dementia sounds really horrible to me, and I find it awful how life causes people to suffer so much, I think that it's true that so many people don't live instead they just exist here waiting to die, trapped in a loop of endless days. I also find it to be unbearable the thought of existing for many more decades.