Venting dysphoria rant again smh

[dental]

it's never going to be enough. i can't ever make this body match the one i should have been born into. it's so humiliating being seen, being perceived at all, and i just want to be dead so i don't have to exist in this disgusting thing anymore. i don't have the mental strength to wait until i'm financially able to get surgery done. it's genuinely not worth it to me. holding out would just be putting myself through so much more suffering in the hopes that i'll finally be able to get those procedures done some unknown time in the future, and that i'd even be satisfied with the results afterwards.

i look in the mirror and see this creature that doesn't resemble me at all, and i want nothing more than to claw out of its skin, to destroy it completely so that i can finally live as myself, but that will never be an option. i just keep cutting myself more and more, taking more dangerous drug combos, destroying my body in the hopes that it will finally stop working. i keep saying i'm finally going to seriously attempt again, but i don't know why i'm so convinced i'll fail this time and that's holding me back. i just really do not want to fail. i want to just be able to step out of existence and never come back. i hate the uncertainty.

 

[beanfien]

I hope with wtv route you take you can be at peace with it best of luck:)