Venting Dysphoria and the Hate that comes with it.

[RedHates]

Being born in a body that you despise being in is a form of torture I wish upon no one.

Having a tiny frame when wanting to be tall and intimating. Straining your voice to only sound monotoned. Looking so feminine that there's no possible way you can be anything other than a woman. Every month I'm reminded about how much I hate having this curse of a body.

I hate that people call me ma'am or miss or she. I fucking hate it. It feels like a punch in the gut every time those are used towards me. Especially after I've expressed how much I hate it to those people. It's like they do it on purpose. Maybe they do. I am surrounded by religious nutcases after all.

I'm not allowed to cut my hair. I'm not allowed to dress the way I want to. I'm not allowed to go by the name I chose. I'm not allowed to medically transition. I'm not allowed to disown my family.

All of that and for what? An undeserving family of assholes? This body is worthless to me in its current state but I can't do anything about it. The dysphoria is so bad every single day. The sound of my own voice makes me physically cringe so I monotone it. I dont even look at my self in the mirror because I hate how feminine I look. The boulders on my chest are bound but it hurts after a while and I'm forced to take it off. And the "womanly functions" are the worst of the bunch. I can't stand it. It's gross. It hurts. The only way I can get through it is by telling myself that there's more testosterone in me.

Having this body makes life not feel worth living if I'm not able to enjoy myself. I look nothing like the person I want to be. The longer I live, the worse the dysphoria will get, the more disgusting I will feel.

I will never achieve the body I want so there's not much hope in trying. I can't be close to cis no matter how many surgeries or hormones I take. Society will never see me as anyone other than a little girl that wants to be "different" and "special" or just an attention seeking whore.

The people around me are uber Christian conservatives. They are loud and Inconsiderate hypocrites. I can't stand being around them. They make my dysphoria, depression, and want to ctb way worse by just existing around me. All the rude comments and disgusted looks I get are so hurtful. Especially coming from the people that preach equality, peace, and love for everyone. I guess I'm not included in the "everyone" because I'm so different from their cookie cutting philosophy.

Being trans sucks.

Shout out to all my homies.

 

[SecretDissociation]

I'm not trans but I get body dysphoria and it is truly debilitating. I feel sick and disgusted when I look in the mirror, when someone calls me she/her it hurts because no matter how hard I try to say I am they/them nobody listens. I mean, I'm genderfluid, kind of I try not to think about it because then I hate my body but being called one singular gender is horrible isn't it:?

Too not even be able to wear the clothes you like is also hell. I can't wear trousers and I have to wear long skirts and wear a constricting hijab/headscarf. But there is hope out there. There is a way to escape even if you don't see one. Or maybe I am speaking for myself. But soon maybe you can move out or truly abandon these people around you. And you will find people who will see you as something other than a woman. You are not defined by those around you who don't respect you and you will never be. You are what you feel you and know you are. I hope you find an exit soon <3

 

[puella]

I'm sorry about what you're going through. It's incredibly unfair, and I can relate directly to how painful it feels.

Transitioning is incredibly hard, like climbing a mountain. But right now—because of the people mistreating you—you're being weighed down by a backpack full of heavy rocks. You deserve to be respected by the people in your life. Transition can't be easy, but it would be far less difficult if you had supportive people around you.

And that's possible, at least in the future, I'm sure. I'm here for you if you want to chat; maybe I could be helpful.

 

[lunarflower]

I'm sorry man. I hope you find some acceptance and peace. I lost the majority of my family and friends with my own transition. People who I thought would love me no matter what and want to see me happy. Fuck em. Find your chosen family. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.

 

[RedHates]

I'm not trans but I get body dysphoria and it is truly debilitating. I feel sick and disgusted when I look in the mirror, when someone calls me she/her it hurts because no matter how hard I try to say I am they/them nobody listens. I mean, I'm genderfluid, kind of I try not to think about it because then I hate my body but being called one singular gender is horrible isn't it:?

Too not even be able to wear the clothes you like is also hell. I can't wear trousers and I have to wear long skirts and wear a constricting hijab/headscarf. But there is hope out there. There is a way to escape even if you don't see one. Or maybe I am speaking for myself. But soon maybe you can move out or truly abandon these people around you. And you will find people who will see you as something other than a woman. You are not defined by those around you who don't respect you and you will never be. You are what you feel you and know you are. I hope you find an exit soon <3

Im sorry youre going through something similar. Im not forced to wear skirts or dresses, im just not allowed to wear mens clothes. I know i would certainly hate to be forced to wear specific clothing because of a governing religious background. Maybe one day we will both find freedom from the tormenting forces in our lives.

I'm sorry about what you're going through. It's incredibly unfair, and I can relate directly to how painful it feels.

Transitioning is incredibly hard, like climbing a mountain. But right now—because of the people mistreating you—you're being weighed down by a backpack full of heavy rocks. You deserve to be respected by the people in your life. Transition can't be easy, but it would be far less difficult if you had supportive people around you.

And that's possible, at least in the future, I'm sure. I'm here for you if you want to chat; maybe I could be helpful.

This mountain feels particularly steep and those rocks seem to be made of gabbro. I dont know if im willing to climb it at all. Ive been trying to distance myself from my family but they still keep finding a way to leach back into my life. Its like no matter how hard i try to ignore them, they just keep getting louder and louder. Finally getting away from them is possible, sure, but worth the struggle? Maybe, maybe not.

I'm sorry man. I hope you find some acceptance and peace. I lost the majority of my family and friends with my own transition. People who I thought would love me no matter what and want to see me happy. Fuck em. Find your chosen family. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.

Im afraid of that happening though. Your family is supposed to love and accept you for who you are. I hate that neither of ours do that. Society puts so much pressure on family but if my family hates me, whats the point? I hate that im still so attached to them just because we share dna. theyve been in my life for as long as i can remember and i cant bear to lose that. I just wish they werent so terrible.