Dying inside before actually dying

[ahmeucaralho]

TL;DR: how about really giving up on yourself before actually committing suicide?

Maybe I shouldn't be in this forum. My life is actually not even that bad compared to other people's, but in many stages in my life I thought about ceasing to exist as an "answer"; as a simple and effective answer most people don't even consider (for understandable reasons).
Recently I was wondering about it once again, now that I'm very unsatisfied with the prospect of the coming years. That's how I ended up joining here (yesterday) and writing this post.
TBH I can't seem to accept the idea of the making the leap from alive to dead, although I do like the idea of suddenly stopping to exist.
So it just occurred to me that before actually trying to make that leap, I'd really die inside first. For example: I should go literally broke and live as a homeless person for a while, roaming by foot through the country, going days without food, go begging.
Maybe that would be a way of not jumping head-first into the water of death, but first killing my identity. Maybe I wouldn't even want to try to carry out my original intention of disappearing altogether. I'd just live one day after another. I don't know.
What do you think?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

The fact you searched for a place like this shows already that you must have some ideation or personal desire for whatever reasons you may have have. Ipersonally would never ever want to endure the feelings of a "homeless person" (don't get me wrong here) I would CTB long before that wil levery happen, I'm just not interested in it. In my opinionsth mentally must be broken already to become suicidal, but this is as individual as all humans are individual and a reason to CTB is personal and may not be logic to someone else but still being legit! CTB is a human right in general for what ever reasons there may be. What ever you dice for you own life it has to be respected that's the point!

 

[Namensjemand]

It in general helps to drown in a sea of despair.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

It in general helps to drown in a sea of despair.

i can understand that but there has to be a less tortuous way. sounds like a ctb method in and of itself

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think people do sometimes want to drive themselves into doing it- making their hardships as extreme as possible. It could have the effect of doing that. You might go the other way though- reach enlightenment. Doesn't Eckhart Tolle say we need to 'die before we die'. Kill the ego type of thing. You may find you feel liberated not having to deal with all the modern day stresses. Personally- while that side of it sounds nice- I don't think I could cope with the cold, hunger and fear really of not being behind a locked door at night.

Do you suppose it's because you feel apathy with your life? You want to experience the extremes? So you feel something? Maybe you should just try and spend 12 hours outdoors- as a taster. Maybe try going hungry for that day. Not sure it's wise to utterly ruin yourself financially and force yourself into it.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

might wanna save some money for stuff you may need if you actually decide

 

[thebookofdisquiet]

"There is a certain clinical satisfaction in seeing just how bad things can get."
-Sylvia Plath

 

[Hollowman]

I'm dead inside it's horrible.

 

[FuneralCry]

The way I see it existing can very easily get much worse on it's own and cause one to die inside, existence is filled with harm and there is unlimited potential to suffer as long as one is trapped here. But anyway best wishes with your plans.

 

[Sweet Tart]

I think you should experience what you feel you need to experience. I don't think being homeless necessarily kills identity, if that is the goal. I do see the beauty in giving up all earthly things.

 

[todiefor]

TL;DR: how about really giving up on yourself before actually committing suicide?

Maybe I shouldn't be in this forum. My life is actually not even that bad compared to other people's, but in many stages in my life I thought about ceasing to exist as an "answer"; as a simple and effective answer most people don't even consider (for understandable reasons).
Recently I was wondering about it once again, now that I'm very unsatisfied with the prospect of the coming years. That's how I ended up joining here (yesterday) and writing this post.
TBH I can't seem to accept the idea of the making the leap from alive to dead, although I do like the idea of suddenly stopping to exist.
So it just occurred to me that before actually trying to make that leap, I'd really die inside first. For example: I should go literally broke and live as a homeless person for a while, roaming by foot through the country, going days without food, go begging.
Maybe that would be a way of not jumping head-first into the water of death, but first killing my identity. Maybe I wouldn't even want to try to carry out my original intention of disappearing altogether. I'd just live one day after another. I don't know.
What do you think?

I get what you are saying, you feel terrible but feel frustrated that you are not quite there, and you think if you hit rock bottom to a place of no return that ctb would become easier, self destruct until you feel like there's no other choice.

I feel a little bit the same sometimes I feel like maybe everything could be ok for some brief moments during the day and that makes me mad because it's illusionary and it confuses the path towards ctb, just SI kicking in, I hate how the human mind is so willing to adapt to a new reality, however terrible, just to survive

 

[SeenMoreThanEnough]

TL;DR: how about really giving up on yourself before actually committing suicide?

Maybe I shouldn't be in this forum. My life is actually not even that bad compared to other people's, but in many stages in my life I thought about ceasing to exist as an "answer"; as a simple and effective answer most people don't even consider (for understandable reasons).
Recently I was wondering about it once again, now that I'm very unsatisfied with the prospect of the coming years. That's how I ended up joining here (yesterday) and writing this post.
TBH I can't seem to accept the idea of the making the leap from alive to dead, although I do like the idea of suddenly stopping to exist.
So it just occurred to me that before actually trying to make that leap, I'd really die inside first. For example: I should go literally broke and live as a homeless person for a while, roaming by foot through the country, going days without food, go begging.
Maybe that would be a way of not jumping head-first into the water of death, but first killing my identity. Maybe I wouldn't even want to try to carry out my original intention of disappearing altogether. I'd just live one day after another. I don't know.
What do you think?

If life is bad for you, for whatever reason(s), then it is bad - comparisons to other people and their lives are pointless in that sense.

As for your idea of going broke, becoming homeless, roaming through the country on foot while begging to survive? If you don't know what severe pain, hopelessness and suffering is now..you most certainly will.