Dying for Love

[brokensea]

It's strange people say that we shouldn't die for others we loved.

I read a story about a mom who's son committed suicide and then not much longer afterwards she killed herself too.

What could you tell her about a reason to live or go on for? Sometimes when you love someone so much there is no future and no life without them.

My ex stressed me out so much I had a miscarriage and he left me for another woman right after and now I can't ever have kids anymore. He didn't even bother calling me when I lost our baby. He left us for dead like trash in the street. We were supposed to be together and have a life together that is no longer possible. This was a person I truly and deeply loved and was my life. They meant everything to me. Much like that lady who lost her son and her reason for everything I have lost mine and after two years the pain hasn't healed one bit and there is no future to go into. No scenario I can ever be happy in. They completely cut me out of their life knowing I'll die. To love someone so much and experience the most cruelty from them. It is like your arm is severed from your body and there is no happiness to be found again. One person can really embody so much for you. You really can love someone so much, life really can't go on without them.

 

[orca87]

I'm so sorry that you are feeling that way, and I can totally relate.

In most cases, healing from a heartbreak is just a matter of time. Remember how much it hurt when you lost your first love? There are so many other people that you could meet and experience new relationships with them.

There are, however, other cases in which healing is nearly impossible. When – like in your case – you are so invested in a shared idea of the future when you have even planned to start a family – and then it falls apart before the plan has had a chance to evolve. I'm sorry this happened to you.

From now on, everything will be second quality. You probably won't trust a new partner as much as you trusted the one who left you. You probably won't find anyone else who compares to your idealisation of him. You simply cannot have the future you want. It's hurting; it's hard. It's about accepting that things will never be the same. When you manage to accept it, you have a chance to find a reason to live. When you don't, everything becomes pointless.

I don't know how much time has passed in your case since he left. Probably the best thing you can do, is give it a little more time. If it gets better, you have a chance to have a fulfilling life. If it gets worse every day, you can also choose not to continue…

 

[onceinthefuturewas]

Very sorry this happened to you... this pain may not heal even after a long time, and you may still remember this day even till your death.. it is painful to see. I had family issues before, so I also understand the pain of abandonment. I hope you will be able to find comfort in someone or at least something like a hobby. Reading is a good way zone out a bit and forget your troubles...

 

[brokensea]

I'm so sorry that you are feeling that way, and I can totally relate.

In most cases, healing from a heartbreak is just a matter of time. Remember how much it hurt when you lost your first love? There are so many other people that you could meet and experience new relationships with them.

There are, however, other cases in which healing is nearly impossible. When – like in your case – you are so invested in a shared idea of the future when you have even planned to start a family – and then it falls apart before the plan has had a chance to evolve. I'm sorry this happened to you.

From now on, everything will be second quality. You probably won't trust a new partner as much as you trusted the one who left you. You probably won't find anyone else who compares to your idealisation of him. You simply cannot have the future you want. It's hurting; it's hard. It's about accepting that things will never be the same. When you manage to accept it, you have a chance to find a reason to live. When you don't, everything becomes pointless.

I don't know how much time has passed in your case since he left. Probably the best thing you can do, is give it a little more time. If it gets better, you have a chance to have a fulfilling life. If it gets worse every day, you can also choose not to continue…

I've tried to get by the last two years since he abandoned me. He still talked to me on text but finally left me once and for all and said he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I've had many days I couldn't get out of bed. I hardly see anyone. I just lay on my couch. I can't cook most days so just microwave something or order food and I've gained 90 pounds since he did this to me. I look at old pictures of me and I used to be so beautiful and had life in my eyes even if I never saw myself that way at the time. I feel after two years no better than the day it happened. He's caused me so much pain from so many things he has said and done. I went to jump off a building before and he said he'd kill himself if I did that so I stopped and I just stuck around like a zombie so he wouldn't die but now he stopped talking to me knowing the outcome for me. Just tired of me even tho again he said he'd be here for me at least in my life forever even if we couldn't be together. But everything he always says is just a lie. He just mentally gaslighted me and tortured me emotionally.

It's like he made a dream for us and then walked out of it. I believed in his love so much that he'd come through for me. My whole life just crumbled around me while I stayed in this dream. I can't face what he is and what he's done when I loved him so much. He was the first person I loved after my boyfriend 11 years ago committed suicide. He was so sure about us and promised so many things and because I loved him and he dragged things on so long leading me on I lost my chance to have children. To have the life I wanted. Now he's just left me for dead but I still love him and I can't bear it. I loved him more than I can say in so many millions of ways and moments with everything I was and am and I can't tolerate this pain anymore.

You endure pain because of a future that may be better or less painful. But never having children and a family, I won't have that future. There's no future to go to. No place to walk to and nothing that will make me happy.

 

[orca87]

You endure pain because of a future that may be better or less painful. But never having children and a family, I won't have that future. There's no future to go to. No place to walk to and nothing that will make me happy.

I can so much relate to your feeling – I really feel the same, although it is for other reasons. There are no words that can give you comfort. I'm so sorry!

 

[Worndown]

In these traguc situations, people can overload and see no other way out.

 

[brokensea]

Very sorry this happened to you... this pain may not heal even after a long time, and you may still remember this day even till your death.. it is painful to see. I had family issues before, so I also understand the pain of abandonment. I hope you will be able to find comfort in someone or at least something like a hobby. Reading is a good way zone out a bit and forget your troubles...

Thank you. Truly there is no worse pain than the pain of abandonment by someone you love. To be left for dead by them. To know how much you utterly don't matter and experience extreme cruelty and isolation from them. I've never felt anything so painful.

I can so much relate to your feeling – I really feel the same, although it is for other reasons. There are no words that can give you comfort. I'm so sorry!

Thank you my friend.

In these traguc situations, people can overload and see no other way out.

It's as if your arm was severed from your body but somehow you're alive. The pain just won't stop. Won't subside. It's been two years of agony or nothingness. The pain only has become worse. The loneliness more vast. I just can't manage or live with this anymore. Death is so easy in comparison. There is just a limit really to how much pain one can endure. I will be happy for nothing to exist and life to be gone so I don't have to live another day in this pain any longer.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing really can be so painful so I understand why you would feel so relieved to leave this world, it sounds so awful what you've had to go through. At least to me the thought of permanently not existing is so ideal as in death there is no more suffering with everything finally forgotten about.

 

[brokensea]

Existing really can be so painful so I understand why you would feel so relieved to leave this world, it sounds so awful what you've had to go through. At least to me the thought of permanently not existing is so ideal as in death there is no more suffering with everything finally forgotten about.

Thank you. It was awful. So awful and what an existence that people can even treat others so cruelly. That is what I want most of all to never remember this. To forget about what happened and the terrible memories that can never be erased. I can go be together with the baby that died even if it's to a place we don't exist. He never cared about either of us. At least we can in some way be together.

 

[brokensea]

Posting this here instead of making a new thread about a song: I'm just waiting for my SN to come in the mail. I found a song I think I'll play when I take it and go lay down. Echos - Blame.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I actually think it's very romantic in a way if one person doesn't feel like they can go on without another. I've never had that kind of relationship but I think I'm capable of it. I've grieved very deeply for family members who have gone.

It's like every reason to want to CTB though- to me anyway- I don't really care what other people think is a legitimate reason. Sure- any of us COULD get better I suspect- given the most miraculous circumstances. It really HAS to be up to the individual as to whether they want to- surely. It's their life. They're going to have to make ALL of the effort to change it.

In the case of the bereaved- they're facing a tough road ahead. Not only have they lost that person- for those of us who have lost people- I think we all know that a part of us goes with them. Sure- we can go on to make new relationships. Even new romances- but they will never be the same. They COULD be better- sure- or- they may never measure up... They may be just as blissful- then you lose them too. Life's a complete gamble after all.

Some of us become SO hurt by losing the ones we love that it simply seems safer not to make any new connections- less to lose that way. I personally haven't learned to give all your heart to friendship/ love/ life- without being heart broken when it's lost. It's ended up easier for me to live a much more issolated life- but who REALLY wants to stick around and live like that either?

I'm so sorry for what you've been through.

 

[brokensea]

I actually think it's very romantic in a way if one person doesn't feel like they can go on without another. I've never had that kind of relationship but I think I'm capable of it. I've grieved very deeply for family members who have gone.

It's like every reason to want to CTB though- to me anyway- I don't really care what other people think is a legitimate reason. Sure- any of us COULD get better I suspect- given the most miraculous circumstances. It really HAS to be up to the individual as to whether they want to- surely. It's their life. They're going to have to make ALL of the effort to change it.

In the case of the bereaved- they're facing a tough road ahead. Not only have they lost that person- for those of us who have lost people- I think we all know that a part of us goes with them. Sure- we can go on to make new relationships. Even new romances- but they will never be the same. They COULD be better- sure- or- they may never measure up... They may be just as blissful- then you lose them too. Life's a complete gamble after all.

Some of us become SO hurt by losing the ones we love that it simply seems safer not to make any new connections- less to lose that way. I personally haven't learned to give all your heart to friendship/ love/ life- without being heart broken when it's lost. It's ended up easier for me to live a much more issolated life- but who REALLY wants to stick around and live like that either?

I'm so sorry for what you've been through.

I feel like the problems I have can't be fixed really. Never being able to have children. Even if I find someone else if I had any inclination to do so I won't have the family I wanted. I will never be a mother. I know you can love adopted kids just as much and I don't mean it in a mean way but for me it's not the same as having your own child and the whole process of it. So it's nothing that would make me happy to do anything else. So to me there isn't really anything to move on from since my dreams have been crushed forever. They will never come true. My life will never even be close to what I wanted and never enough to make me happy. I have no interest in anything and have already done so many things in my life I wanted. All I wanted was to one day know what it was like to have a family and be loved. Now it will never happen. So for me there's just no future. I just stayed around because he was threatening suicide himself if I died. I know he feels guilty even though he's also cruel and heartless at the same time but now that he's just cut me out of his life and left me to die alone with no one in the world, I just am at the point I don't even care if he dies he can do what he wants. He knows I had no other reason to stay here except for him and he didn't care enough to bother with me. After of course promising never to do something like that but he's never kept any promises to me at all after all. I just guess I hoped he'd keep the only one he gave me left. It's just time to go and stop thinking of other people.

I know friends I don't really see much anymore will be sad and I cry for them and feel bad. My cat loves me and can't be without me and won't eat if I'm not home so I feel sad but I can't be around when he dies either he's my only friend and I can't live with his death either.

I'm glad for the pain to be gone but all I really feel is terribly sad that I had this kind of life that was so cruel to me up until the end when everything was taken away and I have no strength or ability or desire to try again. I've tried so many times and a human can only endure so much. I just live on a mountain of razor blades and all I can see is a life where I am always abused and treated always as unwanted and unloved by everyone. I don't matter to anyone and I never have. Not really. People love to inflict pain on others because they're so selfish. So incredibly selfish and I have too much pain to carry from what they've done to me and the weight is more than I can bear any longer. I just want to rest.