Discussion Dying as a young virgin vs lifelong virginity

[Laststop]

I remember when I was about 15, and all I could think about was sex. I had moved to a new town, and was hanging with some of the local guys, and there was this one slightly older one who was really cool. He was good looking, and the girls were crazy about him. But, he was nice to pretty much everyone. He had a cool guy attitude, but he wasn't a dick if you were in the lower end of the looks/popularity scale, which I was. Anyway, some of the guys asked if he ended up "banging" this girl he went off in the dark with the night before. He did, and he said they did it up against a tree we could see from where we were. I looked at the tree in reverence. Here's this awesome guy I looked up to, and he was nice to me. And I swear I could feel the aura of "the deed" just looking at the tree! When he and I were alone for a moment I wanted to tell him how much just him telling us about it had been a great experience for me, lol! But I knew that would be weird, and lame. So I told him it was awesome and I hope to be able to do it soon too. The guy was just as cool as he could be. He could read me clear as day man! He said to me in a confidential low voice so the others wouldn't hear, "Yeah man, it's great and all. But it's not the end all be all to human existence like a lot of people make it out to be. You'll do it some day man. Don't sweat it." Now, at at middle age, there are lots of other things I would take before sex. I can look back on having it some , anyway. Not so much the last 16 years, or so. But I can now say the same thing. It's not the end all be all.

 

[TAW122]

@CapitanBeto
Yes, it is possible that I might not feel sexual intercourse to be as transcendental as I expect it to be, but I will never know until I try it. Also, that is true that there are great people who have contributed a lot to society and died a virgin. Nikola Tesla comes to mind as well as Isaac Newton, both contributed a lot of the world, in science and mathematics (especially Newton). However, I would rather be able to experience what most humans experience at least once in their lifetime, sexual intercourse, just to get an idea of what it feels like. Furthermore, I am not a super genius myself, and while I am a above average in terms of intelligence, I don't find it giving me as much advantage in life as I'd like it to be.

That is a really interesting standpoint and great story @Laststop. I would just like to be able to get it sooner than later. I'm 28 years of age, and soon to be 29, so the sooner I can get it, the sooner I can be free of the torment and lack of knowledge. I believe this would be a good time, not too terribly late, but also not too early (though some people would consider late 20's to be late unless one is abstinent or religious, which I am neither).

 

[TAW122]

In about 2 months from now, I'm going to go Europe in hopes of losing my virginity (including paying for it). If there is anyone who knows about the scene in Germany or the Netherlands and how to go about it, please feel free to chime in. I have done most of my research of the Red Light District and what not, but haven't found a provider that would allow me to get what I'm looking for exactly (yet). Also, feel free to PM me if you'd like.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I'm almost 26, still virgin and I feel like a disgrace to the world because of it.
I'm not rational about it tho.

I'm.not virgin and like feel like shit anyway.

 

[TAW122]

This is an old thread, but I actually managed to lose my virginity at age 29, on October 16, 2019 (a few days after my 29th birthday), in Amsterdam, Netherlands. So yeah virginity is no longer a reason for my wanting to CTB (I have multitudes of other reasons though).

@TimeToBiteTheDust I'm sorry you feel this way, I feel like that most of the time too.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

This is an old thread, but I actually managed to lose my virginity at age 29, on October 16, 2019 (a few days after my 29th birthday), in Amsterdam, Netherlands. So yeah virginity is no longer a reason for my wanting to CTB (I have multitudes of other reasons though).

@TimeToBiteTheDust I'm sorry you feel this way, I feel like that most of the time too.

Yeah but not having a girlfriend is part of my reason for wanting to ctb. I know there are men tht have a girlfriend but ctb anyway. Human being is so complex.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

I hate being a virgin, but hate not having kissed or hugged romantically much more than that.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Nothing truly matters. Virginity is just a social construct and losing it won't make any difference at the end of the day. It means nothing in the grand scheme of things. While I wouldn't mind losing my virginity before I go (mostly due to curiosity surrounding sex), I don't really care that much. The only thing I care about right now is making sure that I lose it to my bf since I'm saving it for him specifically.

 

[leloyon]

I don't personally care about sex, but rather relationships. I think it is a shame to die without ever being in a romantic relationships (obviously, in this thread we are not taking aro/ace people into account, but in their case I would obviously argue there is no shame there) rather than having lost one's virginity.
That being said, in terms of the actual argument, I would say permavirgin is probably worse. Being a pessimistic person by nature, I would not expect someone to just naturally lose their virginity eventually, and if they were to face scrutiny for being a virgin in death, it would be easy to argue that they were simply a virgin due to being young, whereas an old lifelong virgin is a different story.

I hate being a virgin, but hate not having kissed or hugged romantically much more than that.

Day 711 of wishing we had a "THIS" react.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it likely depends on how you view sex. I had a very prudish upbringing. No sex before marriage and all that. In my head, sex has become marriage. While I'm not a massively spiritual person, I still see it as a very sacred thing. Plus, (NSFW,) I know enough about the one player version to know what an incredible rush of emotions I get. Including feelings of love.

So- sure, it would have been incredible to have actually loved someone and experienced that with them. For me though, doing it casually just to experience it I don't think would sit at all well with me emotionally. That's not to say I'm judging what other people want to do. So long as they aren't hurting others or, being mannipulated into it themselves, I think it's whatever floats your boat. For me though, I have no issue with dying an old virgin.

I don't feel like I've missed out in terms of the physical side of it. Maybe it is better with a real person but for me- for it to be an all together pleasant experience, I'd have to love them. Otherwise, I think there'd be a whole load of mixed up emotions. What if you enjoyed the act but, didn't love the person? What if you love the person but, didn't enjoy the act?

Maybe when I was younger, I felt more embarassed about it. Kind of weird the way virginity is sometimes seen as something to be mocked and to be gotten rid of as quickly as possible. Mainly I've found by people when they are younger. It's different I guess if sex is something you actually really want to experience but it also disturbs me how much pressure is put on young people to do it.

Why should it even be something to feel ashamed of? Because we weren't attractive enough to pull or, because we didn't leap into bed with anyone that asks? Kind of funny how virginity is revered in some religions but mocked by some culture. Maybe as a form of rejecting religion.

My reasons aren't really religious though. More that such a deep connection to another person (for me,) would only really feel good if I did actually feel deeply connected to them. (Loved them.) That's me though. No judgement on what others want.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm soon to be a 31 year old virgin but if I can somehow lose it properly with someone I love while I'm still 30 then I'll likely no longer consider CTB on the table.

 

[Haematemesis]

It is not about sex, it is about self-worth.

I am 18 and still young but seeing my peers being loved and cared kills me from inside.

They get their little good morning messages and cute names they call each other.

This summer my friend got a near heart attack experience and I got him to the hospital. I had to stay there for like 48 hours and couldn't sleep. I wish I had someone to talk to then. I wish I had someone saying "oh I am so sorry that happened be safe and don't exhaust yourself and take care of your friend"

No one caring about you and being invisible really sucks. Still it doesn't make me wanna ctb. I drink alcohol because of it but it is not that bad. My plan about ctb is mostly about carrier. If I can't find a job after university I will do it regardless of my romantic life.

 

[yxmux]

I've always found the fear of virginity and the whole culture surrounding virginity and sex in general to be incredibly odd. I'm not sure if that's because I fail to see what's so profound to others about losing it or if I'm not seeing anything in this picture that personally resonates with me.

I think the modern use of the notion of virginity seems to have developed out of an apparent slippery slope of accumulating more sexual experience, with virginity itself being one of the earliest and most primitive hurdles that is to be jumped over. In this regard, losing one's virginity has become a symbol of the sexual maturation. Taking this into account, I'm certain the Halo Effect would play a role in how others may perceive one who's a virgin versus one who isn't beyond that property itself.

There's also the idolization of sex itself, which tends to carry many psychospiritual undertones such as the premises of sex being a fundamental bonding of two people, sex being the most profound expression of attraction and instinctual desires along with the diversification of sexual activity, pace of sexual intercourse symbolizing intense attraction or delicacy, sex in particular settings, especially outdoor and/or public spaces, being a rejection of sexual confinement, rejection of filtered sexual interaction or activity, deliberate failure of subduing sexual attraction or urges as an expression of insurmountable attraction or desire to mark territory, etc. I'm not going to say that I find these notions odd, but these strike me as products of fantasy and not really genuine characteristics of sex. These appear more like factors of an idealized and transcendental conceptualization of sex that may be reminiscent of the experience of actual sex but likely with minimal loading intrinsic to the actual activity itself.

I do recognize that I may be biased due to my lack of sexual experience and proneness to control sexual instinctual desires with fantasy, and I have admittedly had bitter reactions to the perceived others' expression of their sexuality. The best I can do to is isolate and/or control this sexual instinct.

 

[DevonBostick'sAss]

I've lost my virginity like 1.5 years ago and let me tell you... ITS NOTHING SPECIAL. Sex does not change anything. Sex is really really really overrated. People think its a big thing it is NOT. Us young people especially new gen z thinks its a huge dealbreaker to be a virgin but wtf is this i mean come on. Its not a flex. Both being a virgin or not a virgin is not a flex. Its not important at all.


I absolutely agree with everything @oopswronglife response to this thread.

It changes nothing. People will judge something else when you are not a virgin anymore they just wanna judge judge judge. Nothing will change in your after 3 seconds of orgasm.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

I judge myself for being a virgin. Maybe others judge me too but I see myself in the mirror every day just getting older and older and further and further away from the possibility of experiencing love and romance

 

[TAW122]

I just read some of the newer posts in my really old thread. Since October 2019, I have lost my virginity (thus fulfilled my goal many years ago!), and yes, objectively speaking, it is true that in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really change much, if anything about whether one loses virginity or not. My main motivation at the time wasn't so much because of societal pressure or the shame from my own peers, but rather a sense of curiosity and interest to learn what sexual intercourse really was like, at least emotionally, but also physically since I never had such an experience prior to that. I also did manage to lose my virginity before I hit 30 (objectively speaking it wouldn't change much, but I set a personal goal and end point where if I didn't lose it before 30, I'd CTB). Even if/when I do end up CTB'ing in the future, which is inevitable for me, at least I would go to the grave with the knowledge and understanding of what the experience was like (physically and mentally).

 

[Aloneandinpain]

I just read some of the newer posts in my really old thread. Since October 2019, I have lost my virginity (thus fulfilled my goal many years ago!), and yes, objectively speaking, it is true that in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really change much, if anything about whether one loses virginity or not. My main motivation at the time wasn't so much because of societal pressure or the shame from my own peers, but rather a sense of curiosity and interest to learn what sexual intercourse really was like, at least emotionally, but also physically since I never had such an experience prior to that. I also did manage to lose my virginity before I hit 30 (objectively speaking it wouldn't change much, but I set a personal goal and end point where if I didn't lose it before 30, I'd CTB). Even if/when I do end up CTB'ing in the future, which is inevitable for me, at least I would go to the grave with the knowledge and understanding of what the experience was like (physically and mentally).

Congrats, did you get to experience love/romance too?

 

[CapitánBeto]

I remember being in high school and observing how my fellows talked about sex, as some sort of achievement or luxury. There was some sort of praise and pride associated with it and, consequently, some sort of comparison or competition. Virginity was the lowest step, an state of unaccomplishment, weakness, whatever. There was a culture, a worship of sex, I would say.

I don't like being diminishing but, if I have to be honest, I found this pathetic. I thought -I still do- there where more important things to care about, things truly worthy of being praised. I thought there were more relevant and trascendental matters regarding life, human civilisation, the universe...

I thought this was a teenager thing, that with time my fellows might grow and develop a more mature state of mind. It hit me hard that I was wrong, when I observed the same behaviour on my father's friends, later on society overall. This was a disappointment to me.

First was drinking alcohol, second was having sex, soon there were others: having a car, having a partner, getting a job, living on your own, getting a college degree, marrying your partner, having kids... Getting a medal for something, graduating summa cum laudest of summa cum lauds, etc.

A culture of achievements, a cultural meritocracy, a society of praisers and praised. I believe many of our problems as a society (as individuals also) find their root at said culture which promotes narcissism, self-worshipping, ever-growing ambition, et cetera.

By reading your post, I get the feeling you value sex as something more transcendental than it might be. I agree the experience might be different depending on the person and whether we are talking about having sex as having a pancake or making love. There are many -possibly infinite- experiences one could experience, sex is one of them.

Saint Kateri Tekakwitha lived her life disregarding sexual intercourse, and I dare say she might have accomplished more meaningful things, not only for her but for society, one of them being peace of mind. The Dalai Lama's view on sexuality might be worth a read too.

Wow... Almost 6 years have gone by and life's still miserable.

At the time I wrote this, I was a virgin.
Now I'm not and I can confirm that sex is overly glorified.
Is is a fleeting pleasure like many others.

Now love is a different thing, it has to be... and I have yet to experience that.