ForestGhost
The ocean washed over your grave
- Aug 25, 2024
- 106
I think the thing that keeps me going the most is this fantasy that one day I'll just be able to look back at these miserable chapters of my life and feel like it was all just a hazy dream. No more psych meds, no more rotting in my own filth, no more self harm; I'll just wake up every day and feel happy to be alive because I figured "it" out.
The thing that makes it feel so naive is that I have no idea what "it" even is anymore. There have been different "it"s throughout various periods of my life, but the goal posts always end up moving when I get there. Now I can't even pretend that I have an idea of what that target looks like. There's no plan at all. I'm just daydreaming about the finish line without any sense of what it is or what I need to do to get there.
Still, at least for today, the dream persists...
The thing that makes it feel so naive is that I have no idea what "it" even is anymore. There have been different "it"s throughout various periods of my life, but the goal posts always end up moving when I get there. Now I can't even pretend that I have an idea of what that target looks like. There's no plan at all. I'm just daydreaming about the finish line without any sense of what it is or what I need to do to get there.
Still, at least for today, the dream persists...