Venting Drugs don't affect me? wtf?!?!

[worthless]

Hello,
so I have been suicidal half of my life. Since I was 14. I struggled with depression, OCD, anxiety and worst INSOMNIA! I could list tried suicide attempts but it would be long list.

So I don't understand why is there such fuss with suicide. For a note, my mother is extremely considerate to suicide, partially because she seen me do it dozens of times. But she is prosuicide, not prolifer. What worries me is following.

As all of us (well, most of us), I am seeking most peaceful method to die. I don't fear death one bit, what I fear is agony before it comes. So in all 14 years of studying it's still drugs (nembutal or opioids) considered to be most peaceful. But I really worry if they would actually kill me at all! I am sort of substance abuser. Somewhat less now, but much more before. My General Practitioner was like candy man, giving pills to me every time I asked. So I was chewing strong shit like promazine (Sparine) etc. like candies, Xanax, Diazepam... Loads of it! But not because of suicide attempt, but to try to get sleepy and fall asleep.

What really scared me was that one day I took midazolam (I hope you all know what it is, google it if you don't) which I got from my GP after complaining about insomnia for a long time. There are 10 pills of 15mg each in box. One night I couldn't fall asleep. I took one pill. Nothing. After 45 minutes another. Nothing! After 30 minutes I got totally pissed off! I took all 10 pills and added 5-6 pills of 100mg promazine to JUST TO TRY TO FUCKING FALL ASLEEP!!! Surprisingly, not that I haven't fell asleep, I haven't even felt sleepy. So I stayed up all night (on 150mg of midazolam and 0.5 grams of promazine) and felt sleepy only late evening day after.

So I really wonder. What is wrong with my body? My mother when on surgery took half a pill of midazolam and was already in heavy sedation and sleeping. I felt nothing on 150mg combined with half gram of promazine! So I really fear would two bottles of N from this A dude really kill me? Why medicine really doesn't affect me?

Can anyone share their opinion on this or has similar experiences?

P.S. I am not obese, I am not even overweight. I am in normal BMI range.

 

[Delaying]

It just seems nuts that you're basically invulnerable to drugs. It makes my mind boggle.

 

[EternalSanction]

I don't know exactly know about the effects of the meds you described above but it's not uncommon that a high dose (you definitely took a high dose) of a med that would normally make you fall asleep can give you the exact opposite effect. At least that's the case with some sleep medication I know and I have experienced this effect myself before.
Just speculating though.

Edit: I strongly doubt two bottles of N wouldn't knock you outta this life. Even with high tolerance (e.g. cross tolerance benzos) two bottles should suffice.

 

[Thanassis]

I have problems with drugs too, I don't know if it's my brain that's different (I have autism) or if it's just the strength of the drugs/dose. Things affect me differently, maybe less intensely.

Try something else?

 

[josh228]

Youre not superhuman. You have tolerence to some drugs, simple. Drink a litre of vodka and id like you to say the same thing.

 

[worthless]

Youre not superhuman. You have tolerence to some drugs, simple. Drink a litre of vodka and id like you to say the same thing.

Well I think litre of vodka would kill me alone. I have zero tolerance to drugs. Only thing is I cannot push it down my throat. Few days ago I was in temptation to potentiate benzos and sleeping pills with some liquor. But damn thing was so strong I just spit it out I used to squeeze medicinal alcohol in my mouth. Kinda tastes less strong. It was like 70% alcohol. Yeah, I really hope I am not superhuman. But I heard of people who survived unsurvivable. So I am sceptic.

 

[starcrossedfate]

You're probably experiencing what is called protracted withdrawal from benzodiazepines or similar psychotropic drugs (which is also what I'm going through as well).