Drug abuse

[wizzlefox]

Anyone else here struggle with addiction? Or think they're 'not addicted' but are aware that 'usage is getting a bit to frequent'?
For me, it's cocaine. It used to be a one off treat, then over the years a monthly thing, then several times a month, then wkly, then a few times a wk. Now, I've done it everyday since Wednesday. I hate it/myself. It's become a crutch so's that I don't have to live in my head. Also, I can't afford it, n to be honest, more than half the time I don't pay for it. My friend is a functioning coke addict. I've slipped into taking it regularly because it suits my needs (not thinking).
I wake up (if I've slept at all), full of self loathing and ashamed. I have a running internal dialogue of "I don't know what to do", and "I gotta get out" (referring to get out of the cycle, and get out of my life.) I feel like I need to get away from home n everyone around me in a desperate attempt to get out of this viscous cycle, but I don't know where to go, plus if I can't take time off work.
It's fucked how we self medicate n in doing so we worsen our already crippling depression. But when you feel so shit, you cave, "fuck it, I'm gonna do a line". 9 hours later when all the drugs are finished, go home, creep in quietly, hope to get a few hours sleep, wake up, go through the come down whilst at work, rinse and repeat…
I'm so tired of it/myself….

 

[again_noidea]

it is difficult to get away from drugs when they are your crutch. When you use drugs to escape yourself, they become addictive because they help you to avoid your sober aka true or authentic emotions. The longer you use them, the harder it is to face your sober emotions. You get more and more afraid to be without them. Remember, that the drug is just one part of it, the other parts are your emotions. Your emotions depend on many things, you could try to change some of them before you stop taking the drugs, if it is possible for you). I don't know your situation, so i can't comment on this.

The other thing is, if you are in a habit of taking a certain drug daily for a long time it is mostly more comfortable and more sustainable to taper your use, which means you gradually take less of the substance each day until you are at zero. You can use some comfort drugs for a while such as pregabalin to help with the physical side of things, but be careful to not get addicted to these comfort drugs. of course, that takes discipline and the ability to cope with your authentic emotions. The last thing, it is good to have something to do when your need for the drug kicks in, something that makes you feel good, sport, cooking, meeting friends, dancing, creating something, it should be an active thing, passive things like watching tv or reading or eating are not so effective. good luck

 

[logan]

You very quickly get into such a spiral when you are not well.

At the beginning, these substances are good for you - they make all your problems disappear for a short time.

But the problem is that this is never a solution.

With time you need more and more and the effect weakens.

You only have one chance: you have to stop as soon as possible - otherwise everything will only get worse.
Because otherwise you will have another problem and none solved.
You need your strength for your real worries.

I wish you that you will manage it.

 

[wizzlefox]

it is difficult to get away from drugs when they are your crutch. When you use drugs to escape yourself, they become addictive because they help you to avoid your sober aka true or authentic emotions. The longer you use them, the harder it is to face your sober emotions. You get more and more afraid to be without them. Remember, that the drug is just one part of it, the other parts are your emotions. Your emotions depend on many things, you could try to change some of them before you stop taking the drugs, if it is possible for you). I don't know your situation, so i can't comment on this.

The other thing is, if you are in a habit of taking a certain drug daily for a long time it is mostly more comfortable and more sustainable to taper your use, which means you gradually take less of the substance each day until you are at zero. You can use some comfort drugs for a while such as pregabalin to help with the physical side of things, but be careful to not get addicted to these comfort drugs. of course, that takes discipline and the ability to cope with your authentic emotions. The last thing, it is good to have something to do when your need for the drug kicks in, something that makes you feel good, sport, cooking, meeting friends, dancing, creating something, it should be an active thing, passive things like watching tv or reading or eating are not so effective. good luck

Hey, thanks for replying x
I did good the wk before, a whole wk sober, no booze n drugs nothing, I went swimming and trained Krav Maga, then I watched the news n my world crumbled. I can't stand people. I mean I can't stand myself, but the news just tears my heart out., so I crumbled and went straight back to 'it'. Honestly, I just wanna disappear. Spoke to dr again this morning, I'm getting another prescription for different antidepressant. Let's see if they can help some. I need to go directly home after work, not to the pub. X

You very quickly get into such a spiral when you are not well.

At the beginning, these substances are good for you - they make all your problems disappear for a short time.

But the problem is that this is never a solution.

With time you need more and more and the effect weakens.

You only have one chance: you have to stop as soon as possible - otherwise everything will only get worse.
Because otherwise you will have another problem and none solved.
You need your strength for your real worries.

I wish you that you will manage it.

I REALLY do want to stop, I know I have to stop. It's bullshit. It's self-indulgent crap. I know the damage I'm causing myself and that I'm making matters worse.
As you said, it's a crutch. I'm gonna see if I can get out of town for a bit. I need to step away from life for a bit. It's to chaotic. I'm fucking up everything. It's like, I have my depression and my depression has got lost in cocaine. Now I can't separate them.
X

 

[again_noidea]

Hey, thanks for replying x
I did good the wk before, a whole wk sober, no booze n drugs nothing, I went swimming and trained Krav Maga, then I watched the news n my world crumbled. I can't stand people. I mean I can't stand myself, but the news just tears my heart out., so I crumbled and went straight back to 'it'. Honestly, I just wanna disappear.

Try to not watch too much news. It is mainly propaganda. Of course, humans suffer and that is sad, but you can't worry too much about others when your own life is in chaos and confusion. You can always help people that are near you but please to it only if you can afford emotionally and physically. There has to be a balance between self-love and love for others. Everything else is unsustainable.