throwawayghm
Member
- Aug 24, 2025
- 40
Not rly a vent just me thinking aloud ig idk maybe a drunken ramble
So I think im becoming an alcoholic ive drank normally ig for about half a year but shits been getting rough so along with nicotine ive been leaning on alcohol alot more and tho I can function without it sometimes I get cravings for it and it doesnt scare me but it does kinda bother me
I've been skipping the gym lately just so I can drink i dont even hang out with anyone just sit in my room listen to music or watch anime or smth used to do it to try and cry but ive given up on that idk I mean I know I shouldn't be drinking at all of only 19 but like it makes me feel "ok" most of the time ig as long as its not everyday its manageable but its most days idk also having doubts about ctb like I want to die and dont have faith in me people tell me that things will get better or you'll get more tolerable but things have gotten worse and ive become more fragile like fuck dude i cant even cry to let shit out but all I do is bottle shit up idk if I were to ctb my parents would be devastated they dont deserve that all ive done is cause unessary stress and been a burden but at the same time I clearly cant live for me and it would be unfair to be forced to live for someone else ive rly tried ive told myself to live for that someone out there who could love me but ngl that person doesn't exist not even in my dreams it kinda seems like nothings worth it but ive just failed my attempt last weekend so im clearly not there yet but Im so dam tired of waiting and existing im just a walking corpse at this point all I do rly is work, gym, and drink shits miserable and my only real firend ships out to basic training Sunday it just kinda feels like everything's fucked and I cant even leave
So I think im becoming an alcoholic ive drank normally ig for about half a year but shits been getting rough so along with nicotine ive been leaning on alcohol alot more and tho I can function without it sometimes I get cravings for it and it doesnt scare me but it does kinda bother me
I've been skipping the gym lately just so I can drink i dont even hang out with anyone just sit in my room listen to music or watch anime or smth used to do it to try and cry but ive given up on that idk I mean I know I shouldn't be drinking at all of only 19 but like it makes me feel "ok" most of the time ig as long as its not everyday its manageable but its most days idk also having doubts about ctb like I want to die and dont have faith in me people tell me that things will get better or you'll get more tolerable but things have gotten worse and ive become more fragile like fuck dude i cant even cry to let shit out but all I do is bottle shit up idk if I were to ctb my parents would be devastated they dont deserve that all ive done is cause unessary stress and been a burden but at the same time I clearly cant live for me and it would be unfair to be forced to live for someone else ive rly tried ive told myself to live for that someone out there who could love me but ngl that person doesn't exist not even in my dreams it kinda seems like nothings worth it but ive just failed my attempt last weekend so im clearly not there yet but Im so dam tired of waiting and existing im just a walking corpse at this point all I do rly is work, gym, and drink shits miserable and my only real firend ships out to basic training Sunday it just kinda feels like everything's fucked and I cant even leave
