Dreams and goals that die with you

[Lilmeowssi]

Hi! I've been wondering what dreams and goals you guys haven't achieved yet and won't achieve if you ctb?

For me my biggest goal was to work for UNICEF and help as many humans as I could. I also wanted to become an animal rights activist. I just wanted to help but unfortunately I just shouldn't?
My anxiety and depression make my life very hard for me to live.
Every time I think about committing suicide tho I feel so selfish because I won't be able to help people in the future if I leave.
It's probably dumb idk.

 

[terry_a_davis]

The only goal i have is finishing the degree i'm doing which will happen before ctb. If by some miracle i got a job because of it it might delay ctb.

 

[Acornsonatree]

I've always wanted children whilst growing up. As I've grown older now and actually seen how awful life can be, I'd hate to bring another life into this world. But seeing as there are happy people, it does sometimes make me wonder if having children would make me happy.
Guess I'll never know.

 

[Oyoy]

I admire your dreams. People with your priorities make this world worth living in.

My dream is to live by the beach.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

My dreams are not altruistic as yours, I am rather selfish. I wanted to be pretty and happy in personal life.

 

[faraway_beach]

While my father was in the hospital late last year, a nurse there found out that I am basically allowing myself to die of cancer by not even trying chemo, radiation, or surgery. She told me that I looked like a writer, and that I could give the world the book I had in me. I was amazed, as if she were a mind reader, because when I was younger I had wanted to be a writer. It was also my late mother's dream that I should be a writer. I gave up the thought a long time ago, because I don't think I'm particularly creative. I never thought that "writer" could show in a person's face.

If I actually had an idea for a book, I might try staying alive long enough to write it. But I don't. So whatever book I may have in me, no one will ever know, not even I myself.

Edit: @Oyoy, my dream is to die on the beach.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Having an aesthetically pleasing house in a forest, far away from people, with a library and a Steinway.

Getting around to producing an actual album.

Writing a book.

Getting into motorcycle repair.

Learning to do serious mountaineering stuff.

Getting a vasectomy and sticking it to my family.

Growing mushrooms and cannabis.
.
Most importantly: retiring early.

But I'm not so naive as to think I would ever be happy. It might make life bearable, but it wouldn't make me happy.

 

[Lilmeowssi]

While my father was in the hospital late last year, a nurse there found out that I am basically allowing myself to die of cancer by not even trying chemo, radiation, or surgery. She told me that I looked like a writer, and that I could give the world the book I had in me. I was amazed, as if she were a mind reader, because when I was younger I had wanted to be a writer. It was also my late mother's dream that I should be a writer. I gave up the thought a long time ago, because I don't think I'm particularly creative. I never thought that "writer" could show in a person's face.

If I actually had an idea for a book, I might try staying alive long enough to write it. But I don't. So whatever book I may have in me, no one will ever know, not even I myself.

Edit: @Oyoy, my dream is to die on the beach.

Your last few sentences are actually so true.
When you leave it's like everything you have experienced before leaves with you. It's like a book but a book that will never be discovered. It's like you yourself is a book and laying in a coffin deep under the earth which nobody will ever take out again it will rot. Life and death are such weird things in my opinion.

 

[WinterFaust]

I wanted to be a poet and a fiction writer. I've written all my life and I've gotten praise from some brilliant writers I respect but I just don't have it in me anymore.
I also wanted to be in a loving relationship and get married one day. Ambitious for me but I was nearly there.

Maybe in the next life if there is one.

 

[NekoNomNom]

Hello.

Due to my abusive mother's nature, my dream was to always get out on my own. Unfortunately, being a single teenage parent (now 27) put a hold on that. I've lived with my grandparents for the better part of two years now, which has been significantly better for my mental health. However, I still can't afford to live on my own while supporting a child on a single income. At least my son won't have to pack up and move if I decide to ctb, since we already live with my grandparents, whom I've elected to be his guardians should anything happen to me.

Other than that, I suppose I've always wanted to write a memoir about my life. While it definitely could have been worse, nevertheless, it has still been difficult.

As for short term goals, there are plenty of video games that I have that I haven't even gotten to play, yet. Mostly because of my depression, which I've lived with for 15 years, absolutely plummeted two months ago. So I haven't had any motivation whatsoever to do anything besides go to work. And even THAT is a daily struggle.

 

[Iamnotperminant92]

I've always wanted children whilst growing up. As I've grown older now and actually seen how awful life can be, I'd hate to bring another life into this world. But seeing as there are happy people, it does sometimes make me wonder if having children would make me happy.
Guess I'll never know.

This. I've wanted to be a dad for so long, to be in a rock solid relationship, to have investments in order and things to pass on to my kids. To have a fulfilling but offbeat marriage/family life. I know it's hard to build such a thing and easy for it to go to shit. I'm not strictly an antinatalist but things don't look good at the moment.

Edit: somehow I managed to selfquote here. Still new to the site and mobile mishaps likely.
For smaller goals which any given period I'm liable to half ass when CTB seems on the table.
Figure my gender out, grow my hair beyond my shoulders, lose some weight and try to appear more feminine.
Learn an art or instrument- produce something that can at least earn enough for ramen. Ideally make it a way to support potential family. Even if I become a house spouse I'd like to bring in some income.

 

[crea_the_hopeless]

I have the dumbest dream of being a singer or something. I have okay talent but I could never actually make it because of my anxiety and the other mental illnesses I have. Other than that. I don't have any passions. I'm 30 credits away from earning a bachelors degree but I don't even see that happening for me. I've just always wanted to function normally like other adults but I don't and i know that I never will so I am okay with ctb.

 

[kyle]

To help my kids and teens from the outpatient program be safe, happier, and a healthier person overall. I want to die soon knowing that I helped my clients when I decide to CTB.

 

[KleinerWolf]

Hi! I've been wondering what dreams and goals you guys haven't achieved yet and won't achieve if you ctb?

For me my biggest goal was to work for UNICEF and help as many humans as I could. I also wanted to become an animal rights activist. I just wanted to help but unfortunately I just shouldn't?
My anxiety and depression make my life very hard for me to live.
Every time I think about committing suicide tho I feel so selfish because I won't be able to help people in the future if I leave.
It's probably dumb idk.

Thank you for sharing your goal with us.
You are very kind.
We need more people like you in this world.





P.S.
My goal is more "personal goal" rather than yours which is selfless.

My goal is to attain Australian/New Zealand citizenship because of the freedom that comes with it.
I was born and raised in China, not impressed.
I may have identity issues and find myself struggle to identify with it.
I will be more at ease with myself the day I become who I say I am.
Instead of what others label me.

 

[SpareWheel]

Playing the solo from Muffin Man by Frank Zappa. The #1 reason I bought an electric guitar and started learning. I can play the rhythm, and the riffs, but I'm years away from the solo - if I could actually ever get there at all, he was a great guitarist after all so might be beyond me even with 50 years of practice.

I never really had any big dreams, might be part and parcel of my problems. I was just content enough getting by most of my life, as long as I didn't have too many problems I was alright. Unlucky for me though, I haven't had many stages were that's been the case. I genuinely feel like whenever life has started to look up for me, something comes along and destroys it. It's made me weary and wary of trying to make things better, as it nearly always comes with the caveat that something horrible will be right behind it.

 

[FusRohDracarys]

Get swole.
Get a job at a big tech company.
Publish my own product.
Try frogs legs and fried scorpions or tarantulas.
My reading list.
Write a book.
Move out of this god forsaken state.
Master a martial art.
Become fluent in another language.
Take up amateur cheese and/or icecream making.
Learn how to ride a motorcycle.
Learn how to shoot/hunt properly.
Give my cats a long, happy life.
Marry my partner.

 

[disabledandhopeless]

Go to college
Own a dog
Travel around the world
Become a vet (or work in any animal related job)
Make/perform music
Date someone who loves me a lot

There's many more ... like dyeing my hair into a nice ash blue/purple and wearing my favourite clothes casually walking outside like a normal person before I become too old for it.

Feeling so sad writing about this because I know I'll never be able to fulfil them.

 

[SpareWheel]

"Try frogs legs and fried scorpions or tarantulas"

Frog tastes like very moist Chicken, Scorpion tastes like the burnt bits on Bacon (or Pork scratchings if you've ever had those) - not sure on Tarantula lol, probably like Scorpion.

You could still try all of them, they aren't that hard to get. I got the Scorpion in a supermarket, it was inside a a mint lolly. Frogs I had in Thailand, big massive feckers the size of a small fat Dog.

 

[KleinerWolf]

"Try frogs legs and fried scorpions or tarantulas"

Frog tastes like very moist Chicken, Scorpion tastes like the burnt bits on Bacon (or Pork scratchings if you've ever had those) - not sure on Tarantula lol, probably like Scorpion.

You could still try all of them, they aren't that hard to get. I got the Scorpion in a supermarket, it was inside a a mint lolly. Frogs I had in Thailand, big massive feckers the size of a small fat Dog.

Omfg I nearly vomitted when I thought of frog leg.
I'd dare to try fried spider/scorpion no problem but nothing crazy like frogs or worms. lmfao

You guys heard of coconut-worm from Thailand?
It's eaten alive with chopsticks and they are massive.
Not as appetitzing as it sounds I'm afraid.
I never tried it and I never will...


Not for the faint-hearted.

 

[RileyTanaka]

Your goals sound really lovely, honestly.

When I was much younger, I had early aspirations of being a professional musician or composer. I wanted that so bad, but due to my social problems that was never possible. I always wanted to have my own house with a recording studio built into it and run a music composition business out of my home. A dream long gone.

Aside from that, I wish I'd have gotten the chance to enter medicine - either as a medical researcher or an ND. Now I can never have that but those were the loftier dreams I once had. Also, going to Italy. For obvious reasons that would be a bad idea these days.

 

[SpareWheel]

Omfg I nearly vomitted when I thought of frog leg.
I'd dare to try fried spider/scorpion no problem but nothing crazy like frogs or worms. lmfao

You guys heard of coconut-worm from Thailand?
It's eaten alive with chopsticks and they are massive.
Not as appetitzing as it sounds I'm afraid.
I never tried it and I never will...


Not for the faint-hearted.

Nope, that's one that's passed me by thankfully, the whole worm/lavae thing makes me nauseous. I know someone that ate a carton of Ant eggs, they looked like maggots. He said they were tasteless, I didn't dare try one myself and I sure as shit wouldn't eat anything still alive, the thought of something moving in my mouth knocks me sick. I've seen someone served live octopus or squid, that looked like something from a horror film.

You see some odd shit being eaten in Asia that's for sure, and I only saw the low level weirdness, I've heard some real tales of the high grade weird stuff that gets eaten. I pretty much draw the line at Veal now, I tried unusual stuff in my younger years out of bravado, I wouldn't bother again, although I have always wanted to try Squirrel due to being terrorised by the little bastards in an old job :P

 

[Fire&Ash]

I wanted to finish college as a social worker or something. Have a group of friends to grow old with, and eventually take care of my parents and be there light at the end of the day and for them to be proud of me. I want to be a good aunt to my nieces and teach them things to be better than me. I'm so lethargic since 14 and I haven't done anything...I can't finish school cuz I give up to easily and I can't study right and I feel like I have the personality of a desk I can't make friends

 

[palebluedot]

Writing music that I can be proud of, moving to new york city, finding somebody to love, seeing my best friends on broadway

 

[iquitcountingstars]

I guess I won't have kids or get married. But, let's be honest, people like me probably shouldn't do those things anyway

 

[PDAnnie2610]

Having kids, a family and a career of my own.

But I'll never likely have these. No thanks to PCOS, BPD and mood disorders.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Having kids, a family and a career of my own.

But I'll never likely have these. No thanks to PCOS, BPD and mood disorders.

I feel you, I wanted the kids and family. BPD here too. This shit is the WORST!

 

[PDAnnie2610]

I feel you, I wanted the kids and family. BPD here too. This shit is the WORST!

Been stuck since 17. And I'm now 32. It feels like a never ending nightmare. Totally feel you regarding the BPD.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

My dreams are not altruistic as yours, I am rather selfish. I wanted to be pretty and happy in personal life.

Girl I wanted those too! As a female what could be better than to be pretty and happy given the circumstances for women on this planet!

 

[SpareWheel]

Can men wish to be pretty and happy too? I wouldn't have minded being either, preferably the latter.

I'll skip the kids though, I never saw the appeal in screeching creatures that shit themselves.

 

[GoBack]

I dreamed of being an artist, having a family, and being able to look after my mam and dad when they needed looking after. I didn't want them going into a home. I wanted to grow my own weed, cook good food for everyone. I wanted to teach art to people that need helpcause it's very therapeutic.

I also wanted to be a mechanic but maybe that's too much