Story Dreams about sh and suicide

[kittensarefalling]

I was thinking about this, and I wanted to share some dreams I have had.

-I was standing in a huge field. I couldn't see anything except tall golden grass and it was very windy. I stuck out my arm, and looked at it. All the scars on my arm started to fly away from my arm and then turn into birds. They all flew away in the wind. Kind of poetic if you think about it, I guess

-I was running through a forest. It seemed to be fall. A lot of other random people were around me too. I eventually got to a train track. I guess I was planning to kill myself there. That didn't happen though, as I fell through the train tracks and the ground opened up into a very long falling tunnel. Around me were images of self harm. I eventually got to the ground where there was a door. I opened the door and it led to a large city.

 

[amy joyce]

Interesting in both dreams your self harm aspects turned vast places. Sort of like potential of bigger, better things. I wouldn't think of harm as opportunity in any sense but if dreams have meaning it could indicating that if you don't harm yourself or suicide, there your life could be open to a lot of potential. Like travel or getting away from the life that's keeping you feeling so hopeless now.

There is a set of freight train tracks behind my house after the park. Occasionally I think of using that as my out but I fear it and don't want to put anyone through any trauma. But similar to flying a way and the door to the large city, the train tracks and tunnel all seem to indicate going somewhere. Possibly for a while like a long trip or extended stay, maybe at a hospital. I know most everyone here hates psych myself included but there are expense therapeutic places that are sort of like resorts.

 

[yotaka]

-I was standing in a huge field. I couldn't see anything except tall golden grass and it was very windy. I stuck out my arm, and looked at it. All the scars on my arm started to fly away from my arm and then turn into birds. They all flew away in the wind.

This is beautiful

 

[memo]

Interesting I've had a dream where I was in a field with tall golden grass where I killed myself

 

[GodChallengesMe]

Lately, I too see dreams where I'm about to die by whatever circumstance there appears in the dream. I'm either planning the suicide and know that I'll be gone or there's impending doom that death is closer so I should prepare for it [kinda ridiculous when you prepare for death but that's how I can describe that feeling I get in the dream].

Just yesterday I saw my deceased father [he died not long ago] who visits in my dreams frequently by the way. In the dream, he knew what I was dealing with, that I was [and am in real life to begin with] in too much trouble mentally of circumstances that are out of my control. He was not appearing worrying from the outside though. He was calm and speaking without emotional hues. He told me to "do this and you'll be with me". What he meant is that to take the certain drug [in the dream it was fentanyl somehow]. But, the idea is that he told me to "do this" in order to find peace from the reality I find myself in. "Do this" means to end it by whatever method, but in the dream he kinda pointed towards fentanyl or some other drug, but the idea behind "do this and you'll be with me" was that to take my life by whatever method I find foolproof in real life.

Maybe fentanyl in the dream was an allegory to do this peacefully rather than brutally as he [my father] is worried of me not doing this painfully. Unfortunately, only CO was my peaceful method that failed so I have no idea how to do this peacefully without some powerful drug like fentanyl or nembutal.

Feels terrible when you're desensitized to everything when awake because you know nothing else matters at this point.