Thank you for your reassurance.
I‘ll give myself a few more months and then I have to be entirely ready.
It just all felt so real and I was so scared.
Dying is scary even though I want to be dead.
i noticed that in the months of my preparations to die i had very intense dreams. i was often with people and talked a lot with them or was asked for support from them. it was often a very social experience while in the real world i completely isolated myself (even more than before cause i life generally pretty isolated).
i interpreted it as a desire which doesn't get fulfilled in the real life.
interpretation of dreams is always difficult cause i guess you cant interpret too much without knowing something about the person. but my interpretation of your dream would be that you are prisoner and prison at the same time in your dream. which would represent this struggle of having fear of dying but also wanting to die. so in the dream one part wants to escape but also a part wants to push you back to your decision.
i don't know if this dream came up once or if you have the same dream constantly.
at the start of my depression where i had a lot of nightmares being chased and then fell into the abyss i figured out that i have three forms of dreams.
1. dreams which just process your daily experiences. the easy stuff.
2. dreams which represent desires or fears. the deeper going dreams which also leave emotional impacts.
3. dreams which represent the big life decisions. if you for example have a big decision but try to avoid it or suppress it. this dreams were mostly recurring. the heavy stuff.
and yes. for me it was also this feeling that dying is scary but i also wanted to be dead. for me it seems that it was represented through this lively dreams which tried to convince me that life can also be good. funnily registering here started some way of social life for me ^^
don't know if that is in some way helpful for you. i hope you find your peace. no matter where your decision leads you.