Dreading the future

[bl33ding_heart]

Whenever I think about my future I get a weird unexplainable surge of dread. I'm fortunate enough to be one of those people that have a chance at living a peaceful and happy life. It's not like I'm 100% sure I will be in misery forever. If I play my cards right I could actually have a really great future, and even go to a prestigious university. One of the most prestigious in the entire world. But whenever I picture my future in my head, it feels strangely empty. I imagine myself living with my partner in a small but decent apartment or rented building. Exceeding in my studies and attending an insanely prestigious university, and having a few real friends that actually like and appreciate me for who I am. But for some reason there's a weird feeling of emptiness. Like a big whole has been carved into my heart. I have no idea what it is. Living with my long distance partner and studying while I work towards becoming a psychologist seems like all I could ever want. But for some reason it feels empty. An emptiness so strong I don't know if my life would even be worth living. And I know it's not just my current feelings reflecting into my view of my future. I don't feel empty at all at the moment. My current life is pretty difficult, but there's no hole in my heart. I feel purposeful. But for some reason thinking about my future fills me with dread and my future gives a weird emptying impression.